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4 Public Reviews Given
26 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of I Love My Sweats  
Review by Kimi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Its a great piece of writing. The rhymes of the poem are really very good. You might really win something for this, if you were to edit some of the following errors (which may not necessarily be errors, but just my point of view. But hey, thats what a review is all about...)

1)I Love My Sweats (1st sentence)
I dunno about this, but as a starting sentence it weakens the first stanza. You might want to put this as the title. If it is the title, I am really sorry.

2)Christmastime (1st stanza)
This is just a little typing glitch.

3) Now I don't have to shiver (3rd stanza)
For I've set my jeans aside
If you mean, replacing you jeans with your sweater... this is really good. However you could change it to "Now I don't have to shiver, for my cold clammy jeans aside"

4) Sweats are soft and loose
Around my waist they fit
Those denims wore a noose
Across my crotch when'er I sit

This whole stanza just sounds contrived. The first two lines are perfect, the next two might require some "renovation" works. and no its not the abreviated "when'er" which causes problem but the whole of the two lines.

5)I love my sweats (middle line)
This might just not be required in the middle. I will tell you why later, read on...

6)Not on your life it's true (last stanza)
The "it's true" part seems to be hanging on for dear life. It doesnt need to be there. You could add something better there.

7)I love my sweats (last line)
This is where you can give the punch to the whole poem. Remove the last line "I love my sweats", replace the "At my age" with "I love my sweats", and leave it as the title. this would sound very good. Dont mention this anywhere else, it weakens the poem.

I must ask you this; how old would you be. With this I can actually see how mature your ideas really are. Mind you, you could be an adult and write this, its utterly normal too. I am just curious about that.
Have fun writing and I would be pleased to review. You might want to come down to my portal and read some of my works and review. Thanks a lot, hopefully my review has been constructive. Good day.

Kimi
2
2
Review by Kimi
Rated: E | (4.5)
The long biblio of yours stiffled much of the things I wanted to review about. Anyway, I believe much of what you have written would be perfect information for a amateur writer.
I like to advice seasoned writers to stop thinking about what they are writing. Much of what i write flows onto my pen straight from my head. It comes from reading a lot. However, one need to be very careful of what he is reading.
The only flaw that I see in your long list of what to do for writing is that, the rationale is good but I think that the more one follows replacing adverbs with words and simple words like angry with throwing tantrums and stuff, would actually weaken a writing. I prefer to follow articles from The Economist, which presents articles in a different sarcastic way in a fiction writing style. That can only be attained through reading a lot adn practising how to write.
One just needs to be very careful about himself not sounding very contrived. If he can do that and put across a point, that would be a great piece of writing.
I hope my review has been constructive, please do correct me if any of arguments seems falsified. You can always visit my portal and give some of my pieces a read and see whether they abide by your rubrics. Thanks a lot, keep writing.
Kimi
3
3
Review of how it happened..  
Review by Kimi
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Oh yes! I got exactly what you are trying to say. Its a great story, with very simple language. I love the way you wrote this one, and the ending was very unexpected and very skillfully executed. Other than a few punctuation and spelling errors, its a well thought piece. Keep writing on, the power of this piece will depend on the consistency of your writing this way.
Kimi
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