This was an awesome story. I love when authors take fairy tales, or at least creatures from fairy tales and such stories, and change the plots around in unexpected ways.
The prose flows very well and I didn't spot any glaring errors. I especially enjoyed the little twists--such as her being able to look different ways to please him. Or that he changed into a troll. The fact that his inherent laziness makes him a better troll than human takes the cake.
The ending was utterly unexpected to me, and rounded out the plot without feeling cheesy or flat. Easily worth five stars.
Your Norman comes across as the villain at first, with his lightly mocking, arrogant manner, and then you threw me for a lovely plot twist. I love it. Your details are spot-on, and the prose didn't have any errors that I could spot. Very good stuff here.
My only nitpick would be to shift the last few lines, if you had room in your word count of course, into Norman's POV in order to keep the sense of slight, author intrusion, away. Maybe if Norman glances back just in time to see the ribbon pull tight, and know it's not him.
The story's twist needs to stay, of course, but if it were in the same POV it might read even stronger.
This one can speak to many people in a general sense, as most have exprienced cancer, either themselves or with close relatives. It helps greatly to see someone else's hurt or grief.
The only area you might want to adjust would be the first paragraph. It reads a little stilted or rough in the last line--the "do cry" I think makes it feel forced. You might consider rewriting that line. Also, can not should be cannot. It's one word.
Otherwise, good stuff. I especially liked the last stanza. It had a calming sense to it which fit perfectly as the conclusion to this poem.
This poem, as a contrast to the Killdeer poem I just read, has a much darker tone. For obvious reasons. I suspect that this is a more recent poem, compared to the other one? It feels more sure and confident, in my humble opinion.
Anyway, this has a very nice use of imagery and a creeping dread that makes this poem even better. I couldn't find something to nitpick, so that's a good sign.
One thing to consider would be that this reads almost like a description of how someone feels in the midst of depression or bipolar disorder. You might consider adjusting it to something like that to connect to more people. (and therefore not need the explanation to what you mean)
But that's up to you. The poem reads fine as it is.
This is a cute poem that tells a story, one which I'm unfamiliar with. But this made it clear enough that I could picture what you were describing. The rhyme and rhythm were straight on, except for the last stanza.
You have an extra line which feels slightly off. If you need that last line about baby killdeer, you might want to rearrange or drop another line to fit it in without damaging the beat of the poem.
Also, you might want to add a comma in between" Running this way" and "then that" Beyond that, this poem is very nice. I can't wait to look through the rest of this folder.
One of my favorite styles of poetry is free verse, even if I'm not very good at writing it. I enjoyed the idea of this poem, and liked the lesson it taught. I think every artist--even writers. lol--like to have their works perfect and are never satisfied with it.
The imagery you used here is very good, enough that I could picture the scene, and I had no issues with the rhyme or rhythm. The only thing that might want to be adjusted: You start out in past tense: (touched) but then move into present (want) I believe it should be wanted in order to stay the same in tense.
I love merit badge bonanza, even when I review the wrong person as I did earlier. This, as well as many of your other stories, is very good. I would definitely give you four stars if I could rate it. The very beginning was a little slow for my tastes, and the slide from one POV to another slightly confusing (but then, I'm not a fan of omniscient in any form so....)
But the descriptions were beautiful, and the ending totally surprised me. I expected him to want her as a wife or girlfriend, but not like that.... I love when a story can surprise me.
I love when you slip stories or pieces of them, into your newsletters. Just wanted to say how much I appreciate it. This story is just as good as those others. The creeping dread is all through this, and then the last line clinches it.
Good job and keep up the good job with the newsletters.
Beautiful is the first word that comes to mind. I heartily enjoyed the gentle flow of this poem, like a soothing bit of music. And the emotions of losing a loved one are strongly there, shining through. My favorite part was the last two lines. They neatly sum up one person living on while someone they love dearly does not.
My only nitpick for you would be the first two lines. I don't quite understand how a sea and river tie in to the rest of the poem. Perhaps a reference to tears that I missed?
The rocking rhythm matches the content well, in my humble opinion, and you illustrated how it feels to be a bipolar in an understandable way. I have a friend who is bipolar himself, so I have an inkling, but this makes it even more clear for me, about the struggle.
I can't think of anything to change, so I'll just say: Good job.
I enjoyed this poem very much. The arrangement of the lines made me smile, and helped bring home the purpose of the lines even if I didn't have the title. My only issue would be near the end, where it says: In reckless flight...
Though the lines themselves were put together well, it didn't seem to fit the rest of the mood of the poem. You spoke of Thallassic prodigy and orcan idealist, which suggest a more formal, tone, but then those lines I mention talk about a contract "most exact" which almost sounds playful.
Otherwise, good stuff. Both the poem and this contest.
This story has a good moral to it, stating by example how wrong it is to practice discrimination. Your writing is very crisp and clean, and I did not spot any obvious faulty sentences or anything of that nature.
I would suggest, however, that perhaps make this more like a narrative. I would rather be in Gary's head, feeling what he does and being shown the obvious unfairness of Marco's attitude, then be told so. I think that would make the story stronger, in my humble opinion.
This is an intriguing poem for me. I have never heard of Rahu before, so it taught me something new as well as the theme of the poem itself. I enjoyed the steady rhyme that still told a story that I could grasp. My favorite line would be "Afraid of the silence"
It says quite a bit in a short statement. Good job. :)
This is a very good poem. I am a big fan of free verse, so this was right down my alley. I like the imagery in this, especially the second stanza. It helped paint the way the narrator is feeling very clearly in my mind.
I would suggest changing the very first stanza to fit the rest. The other three are sharper in pacing, almost like little snapshots of the moment. The first stanza has a flowing rhythm that is good, but doesn't fit the mood of the rest of the piece.
I liked this a lot. It's got a cutesy sort of feel, but not overdone. It's nice to see someone stick to an even rhyme/rhythm scheme. I've never heard of a quatern before. So I learned something new as well. Good job and awesome poem. Five stars.
This is excellent. The rhythm is spot on and I can really feel the emotion in this poem. I love your first four lines the best. They really capture the mood of the entire poem. Good job. I can see why you got an award for this.
I liked this poem and the way it was arranged. I'm always impressed when people adjust the lines to make an image. Starting with whispers in the dark and then finishing with the same phrase helps make this poem feel complete, as if it went full circle. Good job.
I did have a suggestion for these two lines:
as they have followed
me through the years.
Compared to the rest of your poem, they don't seem as fragmented as the other lines.I would suggest dropping the as in the first line, and the me in the second. It makes it sound better IMHO. Otherwise, very nice.
This is very nice and has some beautiful imagery. I like the style, even if I've not heard of it before. It's filed away now as a new format to use possibly. I also like the hopeful sense that's in this poem.
My only nitpick is this, probably a typo. shephard Should be shepherd. But like I said, probably just a slip of the finger, so I still think you deserve a 5.0. Thanks for a good read.
this is very, very good. As a fan of chess myself, I think it's a neat subject to intertwine in a poem. I didn't have any trouble understanding what you meant and loved the imagery, especially the last line. My only nitpick would be (and a minor one too) this line:
As to how to attack and as how to step,
I think if you drop the first to and the second as, it would read clearer. That or maybe slightly reword that line. It reads a bit awkward to me. But otherwise, I very much enjoyed this. I can see why you got an awardicon for it.
This is a very good story for me. It held my interest to the end and had a good plotline. I honestly can't think of anything to nitpick at for you. It all seems fine and the end most definitely rounds out the whole storyline.
This has a nice, fast pace with a MC I can relate to. The descriptions are very good as well. I did have two quick nitpicks:
This sentence: Using the palm of my hand, I shoved it into his face, forcing him off me. I would suggest rewording or changing the it. I thought at first you meant he shoved the whites of his eyes (from the previous sentence) into his face. Made me pause and puzzle. May just be me however.
Secondly, I would drop or reword this line: A foreign soldier stood on the shore looking through binoculars.
For a couple of reasons. First, it almost sounds out of POV. I know it's not, but it's pretty close to me. Secondly, saying foreign soldier is confusing, as you've already established it's an American checkpoint. And third, dropping it completely won't mess with your story's meaning/plot at all.
This is great! I honestly loved the way they talked and even flirted, all without using their words at all. The Fan Language is so neat. This worked very well for me. It was clearly a complete scene from beginning to end and I read it all. (which doesn't happen often)
My only nitpick for you would be the very first paragraph. I think you could drop the piece with the innkeeper scolding the waitress and all of that, and just jump straight into the Monarchs' arrival.
This is entertaining. I like your slow, almost meandering style that leads me on to keep reading. I did read to the end, which is good with my ADD style when it comes to books. I'm not entirely sure where you're headed with this, but I do like the MC and want to know what happens next.
My only nitpick would be that I'd like a name early on to know who this is. I know Will, and Jenny, but if you'd just maybe--at the very beginning when Will picks him up, have him call the MC by name, it would help me keep track of him better in my head. That is all. Good luck
This does have some promise. You've started the chapter with some tense moments and some strong characters. However, there's a few reduncancies, such as using the term Watcher many times. Perhaps changing that to a different title or something?
Also, you say something later on about sending men to their death, and then say the same thing again "sending ten men to their death" You might double-check those sentences and others to clear up the repetitions.
I was totally sucked into your story, and couldn't stop reading it. The surprise ending was like icing on the cake. I didn't see any issues with grammar, punctuation, or anything else I can think of. Just loved it. Thanks for a great read.
Liz
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Your details are spot-on, and the prose didn't have any errors that I could spot. Very good stuff here.
I enjoyed the idea of this poem, and liked the lesson it taught. I think every artist--even writers. lol--like to have their works perfect and are never satisfied with it. 
This, as well as many of your other stories, is very good. I would definitely give you four stars if I could rate it. The very beginning was a little slow for my tastes, and the slide from one POV to another slightly confusing (but then, I'm not a fan of omniscient in any form so....)