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318 Total Reviews Given
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1
1
Review of Imagine This...  
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi! I came across your item, so I thought I'd sneak a peek and give you a review *Smile*.


A QUICK HEADS UP: Please keep in mind that I'm merely a reader and writer, not a professional. I only offer my humble opinions and suggestions. Feel free to take what you can use and ditch the rest.

First, I must give you kudos for this excellent representation of a descriptive passage. I was drawn to this piece by the description, and I did indeed feel various emotions and sensations as I read. You led me through a short scene and left me exhausted, grateful, humble, stunned, and frightened. Mission accomplished *Smile*

Having said that, I think there may be a few small things you can do to improve this item and make it really pop off the page, or rather, the computer screen...

TECHNICAL BITS:
Perhaps there are a couple of technical issues with this piece. If there are, I didn't see them. I was too into your story to notice anything, so you can ignore my previous disclaimer.

RANDOM BITS:
I wanted to read more! This was such a great cliffhanger, a perfect example.

Overall, I think this was a great read. Thanks for sharing!

Thanks for posting! *Smile*

Kris



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2
2
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi! I came across your item, so I thought I'd sneak a peek and give you a review *Smile*.


A QUICK HEADS UP: Please keep in mind that I'm merely a reader and writer, not a professional. I only offer my humble opinions and suggestions. Feel free to take what you can use and ditch the rest.

Wow. First, I must give you kudos for the surprise ending. I had no idea how this brief story would end. I must compliment you for your ability to build up the right amount of tension throughout the piece so that once the climax took place, it's even more shocking. I had assumed your main character would prevail in the end by somewhat heroic means. That was not the case. The last line says it all. Job well done.

Having said that, I think there may be a few small things you can do to improve this item and make it really pop off the page, or rather, the computer screen...

TECHNICAL BITS:
*QuestionP* "...really hadgreat potential..."-- A space is needed between "had" and "great."

RANDOM BITS:
"...they came upon an alley, dragged Jeremy in the alley..."-- This is just a personal thing, but I think this line could use a bit of rewording as it feel repetitious.

Overall, I think this is a really haunting flash fiction piece. It was a good read!

Thanks for posting! *Smile*

Kris



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3
3
Review of Ghostly Rider  
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi! I came across your item, so I thought I'd sneak a peek and give you a review *Smile*.


A QUICK HEADS UP: Please keep in mind that I'm merely a reader and writer, not a professional. I only offer my humble opinions and suggestions. Feel free to take what you can use and ditch the rest.

First, I must give you kudos for the unexpected humor at the end. That made me smile. I knew right away that the story would be about the Sleepy Hollow tale, but I enjoyed your spin. I also enjoyed the dialogue. It is very tough to write a story with nothing but speech and still manage to set a scene and have distinguishable characters. You did both exceptionally well. Good job! *Smile*

Having said that, I think there may be a few small things you can do to improve this item and make it really pop off the page, or rather, the computer screen...

TECHNICAL BITS:
This is well polished; I did not see any technical issues, so you can ignore the previous disclaimer.

RANDOM BITS:
The only thing I was a little curious about was the scythe. Was the grandmother deliberately trying to be frightening or was it incidental? That was the only part I tripped over, but it didn't make the story any worse.

Overall, I think this is a great example of a dialogue-only story. I thoroughly enjoyed it!

Thanks for posting! *Smile*

Kris



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4
4
Review of Knock Knock  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi! I came across your item, so I thought I'd sneak a peek and offer my humble view on behalf of "The Angel Army" 

A QUICK HEADS UP: I'm not a professional, only a mere writer. Feel free to either take any suggestions I may give or dump them. It's your work, your choice!

First off, I must give you kudos for creating such a trippy piece. You did really well in telling a one sided story with nothing but dialogue in the form of clever narration; there aren't many people who can do that. I clearly saw two guys in a messy apartment chitchatting about nothing. I pictured a poster with a creepy, sharp-eyed leprechaun. Great subtle visuals. *Smile*

Having said that, I think there may be a few small things you could do to improve this piece and make it really pop off the page, or rather, the computer screen.

TECHNICAL BITS:
In the first line, "was't" should be "wasn't."

...he was ever going to shup up.-- "Shup" should be "shut."

RANDOM BITS:
Towards the end, where you had your "keepreading" lines, you had me hook, line, and sinker. It wasn't until after I read the whole story that I realized I read those lines and didn't glaze over them. Such a simple, yet creepy, way to unknowingly get a reader's attention. And then the little surprise at the end...I tip my hat off to you.

Overall, I think this is a good piece. I enjoyed it!

Thanks for sharing! *Smile*

KrisAnn



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5
5
Review of Unexpected Gift  
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi! I came across your item, so I thought I'd sneak a peek and give you a review *Smile*.


A QUICK HEADS UP: Please keep in mind that I'm merely a reader and writer, not a professional. I only offer my humble opinions and suggestions. Feel free to take what you can use and ditch the rest.

First, I must give you kudos for completely grabbing my attention with your title and description. It did what it was meant to do: it made me want to read your item, and I am so glad I did. This little tale had a slight bit of mystery to it, a hint of sadness, and an overall feeling of pleasantness. For me to feel all of these things with just a few words shows me a lot about you as a writer. You definitely have talent. Job well done *Smile*.

Having said that, I think there may be a few small things you can do to improve this item and make it really pop off the page, or rather, the computer screen...

TECHNICAL BITS:
*QuestionP* I haven't sent for anything, so it must be from someone. An unexpected gift? What a nice surprise!"-- This is the start of dialogue, but there are no opening quotation marks.

RANDOM BITS:
You really surprised me with the the item in the box. For a moment, I thought it might contain something sinister, but you pulled a 180 on me. I thought it was a really touching moment when the old woman discovered what was in the box.

Overall, I think this is a good short story. I really enjoyed it!

Thanks for posting! *Smile*

Kris



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6
6
Review of Free Range Meat  
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi! I came across your item, so I thought I'd sneak a peek and give you a review *Smile*.


A QUICK HEADS UP: Please keep in mind that I'm merely a reader and writer, not a professional. I only offer my humble opinions and suggestions. Feel free to take what you can use and ditch the rest.

First, I must give you kudos for piquing my curiosity right off the bat. I simply had to read your item once I saw the title and description. What a way to snag a reader. Couple my initial interest of your title with the first line and I was sold. "You can learn a lot about anatomy in a hundred years, particularly if you can’t die." This was a great line to set the atmosphere in this short piece. It felt dark, a little gloomy. The subsequent paragraphs gave me a visual of the scene without overindulging in description. I liked this. Two thumbs up.

Having said that, I think there may be a few small things you can do to improve this item and make it really pop off the page, or rather, the computer screen...

TECHNICAL BITS:
*QuestionP* The ordinary peeps in the world, use them for everything, from drowning out junior’s teething cries to writing angsty teenage wails of rebellion with gritty lyrics and dis-chordant guitars and of course they use them to escape. -- This line here is a bit of a mouthful, but it kind of works. However, I would suggest moving the first comma in between "world" and "use" and place it in front of "of course." As it reads, the pause after "world" isn't necessary for the flow of the line, but a pause can be used towards the end.

RANDOM BITS:
Is this a piece from a larger work? This almost felt like a prologue or snipet of something bigger. Especially with the first and last lines. There was also the big unanswered question: Is the narrator really just a paramedic? You left me guessing. I want to read more *Smile*

Overall, I think this is a really good piece of flash fiction. With a tiny bit of tweaking, it could really be awesome.

Thanks for posting! *Smile*

KrisAnn S. Bell

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7
7
Review of Consequences  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi! I came across your item, so I thought I'd sneak a peek and offer my humble view on behalf of "The Angel Army" 

A QUICK HEADS UP: I'm not a professional, only a mere writer. Feel free to either take any suggestions I may give or dump them. It's your work, your choice!

First off, I must give you kudos for sucking me in with so few words. You managed to describe a scene and set the tone without overdoing it. You mentioned no names, ages, described any features of the people or room, and yet you managed to paint a good picture of a lover staring at his lady while she sleeps...until the last line. What a way to end it *Bigsmile*.

Having said that, I think there may be a few small things you could do to improve this piece and make it really pop off the page, or rather, the computer screen.

TECHNICAL BITS:
After all the years...-- This is probably just a personal preference more than an actual error, but I would consider exchanging "the" for "these." As it stands, it doesn't quite flow right to me, but I understand where the sentence is leading.

RANDOM BITS:
There is so much that is left unsaid, I actually want to read more. This feels like a snipet from a larger work, although I'm sure this is the whole story. Job well done on hooking the reader.

Overall, I think this is great flash fiction. I enjoyed it!

Thanks for sharing! *Smile*

KrisAnn



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8
8
Review of Red Phone  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi! I came across your item, so I thought I'd sneak a peek and offer my humble view on behalf of "The Angel Army" 

A QUICK HEADS UP: I'm not a professional, only a mere writer. Feel free to either take any suggestions I may give or dump them. It's your work, your choice!

First off, I must give you kudos for your premise. It was an interesting one and the last line proved to be a great way to end it. I have to give you points for creativity; this was definitely something different *Smile*.

Having said that, I think there may be a few small things you could do to improve this piece and make it really pop off the page, or rather, the computer screen.

TECHNICAL BITS: Forgive me if I seem harsh, but if I am to be honest, this was hard to read due to the grammar and formating issues. Because I was intrigued by the idea of the story, I pushed through it, but I almost didn't make it. Here are some things I noticed:

The first word in every line is capitalized. That is unnecessary and incorrect. The first word to each new sentence and proper pronouns (specific names) should be capitalized. There are also random capitalizations throughout your sentences like "camera", "ten", and "phone." Double check to make sure there not any unnecessary upper-case letters.

“Dan, Dan do you remember”?-- Whenever you have dialogue, the punctuation should go inside the quotations, not outside of them. “Dan, Dan do you remember?"

"I am going to have to hang up”-- Remember, all sentences must end with proper punctuation. In this case a period is required before the ending quotations.

Be careful of homophones. To, too, and two sound the same, but they have different meanings. I saw no base in which it connected too-- "Too" is incorrect; "to" is the right word.

per say-- This should be "per se."

When writing dialogue, try reading the speech out loud to hear how it flows. Always ask yourself "Is this something someone would really say?"
“Sorry you must have the wrong number and the wrong Dan. Now I kindly ask,
Please stop haunting my TV Mr. Ghost. I am telling you I don’t know you”.-- Would a frightened man really say this if awakened by an unknown entity in the middle of the night?

RANDOM BITS: I'm also sorry to say I was distracted by the formating of this story. It doesn't fill the page and the paragraphs are all lumped together on one side of the screen. I suggest you double space in between each paragraph and utilize the whole screen. Remember to give dialogue its own paragraph as well. Making this change will help facilitate an easier read for your viewers and enable your thoughts to be more cohesive and organized. As it stands, it looks like a rough, rough first draft that very few people would be willing to tackle.

Overall, I think this story has a promising premise and a lot of potential. With some TLC, it could really stand out.

Thanks for sharing! *Smile*

KrisAnn



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9
9
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi! I came across your item, so I thought I'd sneak a peek and offer my humble view on behalf of "The Angel Army" 

A QUICK HEADS UP: I'm not a professional, only a mere writer. Feel free to either take any suggestions I may give or dump them. It's your work, your choice!

First off, I must give you kudos for creating a poem which painted a clear picture in my mind's eye. Even though I know the story of Narcissus, you told it in a way that focused more on the truth: he was beautiful but it wasn't meant to last. The last two stanzas made me smile; you summed everything up pretty well *Smile*.

Having said that, I think there may be a few small things you could do to improve this piece and make it really pop off the page, or rather, the computer screen.

TECHNICAL BITS: I could see no technical errors in this piece, therefore I have no suggestions to offer in this area.

RANDOM BITS: The poem has a good flow and rhythm. I did stumble over a couple of lines (stanza six, actually) but I'm not entirely sure why...

Overall, I think this was a good read. I enjoyed it.

Thanks for sharing! *Smile*

KrisAnn



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10
10
Review of The Painting  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi! I came across your item, so I thought I'd sneak a peek and offer my humble view on behalf of "The Angel Army" 

A QUICK HEADS UP: I'm not a professional, only a mere writer. Feel free to either take any suggestions I may give or dump them. It's your work, your choice!

First off, I must give you kudos for such a creepy story. I had a hunch where you were going to take the story, but I enjoyed reading it nonetheless (my hunch was right, by the way). This was a well told scary story. I really liked the description of the woman in the picture. Her initial subtle movements paled in comparison to her full-on assault on poor Mia's psyche. Good job *Bigsmile*.

Having said that, I think there may be a few small things you could do to improve this piece and make it really pop off the page, or rather, the computer screen.

TECHNICAL BITS: This is pretty well written. If there were technical issues, they were minimal and didn't affect the flow of the story at all.

RANDOM BITS: I like the story as is, but I was able to anticipate the ending. I'm not quite sure if that's a bad or good thing, because I did enjoy the overall read.

Overall, I think this is a good example of a well written creepy story. I liked it!

Thanks for sharing! *Smile*

KrisAnn



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11
11
Review of Any Minute Now  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi! I came across your item, so I thought I'd sneak a peek and offer my humble view on behalf of "The Angel Army" 

A QUICK HEADS UP: I'm not a professional, only a mere writer. Feel free to either take any suggestions I may give or dump them. It's your work, your choice!

First off, I must give you kudos for setting a great atmosphere for this flash fiction. It has a dark feel to it; I certainly was able to see a main character running for his life from an unseen foe. I really liked the visual of the moonlight peeking from behind the tall buildings. Great job *Smile*.

Having said that, I think there may be a few small things you could do to improve this piece and make it really pop off the page, or rather, the computer screen.

TECHNICAL BITS: "I not certain about who, or what, it is that is chasing me..."-- There were a couple of issues with this fragment. Firstly, "I" should be "I am" or "I'm". As it stands, a word is missing. Also, there is wordiness here. I think you could eliminate "it" and "that is" to make the sentence stronger: "I am not certain about who, or what, is chasing me..."

RANDOM BITS: I got the feeling with the last sentence that your main character may have been dreaming. Good cliffhanger.

Overall, I think this is a good piece of flash fiction. With a little polishing, it could really shine.

Thanks for sharing! *Smile*

KrisAnn



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12
12
Review of Screechers  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi! I came across your item, so I thought I'd sneak a peek and offer my humble view on behalf of "The Angel Army" 

A QUICK HEADS UP: I'm not a professional, only a mere writer. Feel free to either take any suggestions I may give or dump them. It's your work, your choice!

First off, I must give you kudos for writing such a creepy zombie story. Of course, this is a subject that has flooded the movie market and migrated into literature (at least on WDC) so it's a bit difficult to find a new, creative ground. I think you managed that by describing your zombies not by how they looked, but by how they sounded. Very eerie. I also liked how you left the ending open. Great horror stories seldom have happy endings, if they end at all. Leaving it open keeps the reader in suspense, it keeps us wondering. Well done *Smile*.

Having said that, I think there may be a few small things you could do to improve this piece and make it really pop off the page, or rather, the computer screen.

TECHNICAL BITS: We all just stood still, some of the mother’s...--Here, "mother's" should be "mothers" without the apostrophe to show plural, not ownership.

RANDOM BITS: I have just a couple things to mention. First, the beginning paragraph was pretty good. It hooked me instantly, but then you gave a few paragraphs of info dump immediately after. I know it was necessary to establish a bit of history before the action could fully take place, but it came off a bit dull after such a great first paragraph. Second, when the screechers first show up at the school, your main character calls them "monsters" and "things" before we even know what we're dealing with. Though I liked how you described their sound, it would have been nice to have a bit more description as to how they looked when they first appeared. With both sound and visual, you could really leave a lasting impression with the reader.

Overall, I think this was a great horror story. I enjoyed reading it.

Thanks for sharing! *Smile*

KrisAnn



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13
13
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi! I came across your item, so I thought I'd sneak a peek and offer my humble view on behalf of "The Angel Army" 

A QUICK HEADS UP: I'm not a professional, only a mere writer. Feel free to either take any suggestions I may give or dump them. It's your work, your choice!

First off, I must give you kudos for such a funny poem. I was definitely able to see "The Raven" behind your words; you did a very good job catching the flow of the original poem and turning it into something fun and creative. Getting to that chicken was serious business *Laugh*.

Having said that, I think there may be a few small things you could do to improve this piece and make it really pop off the page, or rather, the computer screen.

TECHNICAL BITS: Stanza three, line three: you don't have any punctuation within the dialogue, however, when I read it out loud, I paused after "car." I'm not sure if this is a technical issue or a personal one, but perhaps you could use a period there.

RANDOM BITS: Ironically, I had the same issue as mentioned above with stanza three, line four, but it was my favorite line out of the whole poem. Ha!

Overall, I think this is a great little poem. It made me smile!

Thanks for sharing! *Smile*

KrisAnn



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14
14
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi! I came across your item, so I thought I'd sneak a peek and offer my humble view on behalf of "The Angel Army" 

A QUICK HEADS UP: I'm not a professional, only a mere writer. Feel free to either take any suggestions I may give or dump them. It's your work, your choice!

First off, I must give you kudos for successfully tricking me! I thought this was going to be a dark story, especially when you mentioned the "moving lump." You set us up *Laugh*.

Having said that, I think there may be a few small things you could do to improve this piece and make it really pop off the page, or rather, the computer screen.

TECHNICAL BITS: Actually, I didn't see any technical errors in this piece. I can think of nothing to improve it.

RANDOM BITS: You really had me intrigued with the moving lump. It would have been interesting to see if it was indeed just a trick of the light or something sinister, but it reads great as is.

Overall, I think this is a great example of flash fiction. I enjoyed it!

Thanks for sharing! *Smile*

KrisAnn



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15
15
Review of Quiet the Beast  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi! I came across your item, so I thought I'd sneak a peek and offer my humble view on behalf of "The Angel Army" 

A QUICK HEADS UP: I'm not a professional, only a mere writer. Feel free to either take any suggestions I may give or dump them. It's your work, your choice!

First off, I must give you kudos for relaying to the reader your emotions in such a strong way. You lines only had a few words each, but they all flowed and fit well together to show your initial unhappiness and then your freedom, so to speak. I really liked this piece *Smile*.

Having said that, I think there may be a few small things you could do to improve this piece and make it really pop off the page, or rather, the computer screen.

TECHNICAL BITS: Be careful with the pronoun "I." It should always be capitalized. Also, make sure you use an apostrophe for all of your contractions. For instance: so ill give in-- The "ill" should be "I'll" for "I will."

Overall, I think this is a good poem. With just a little polishing, it could be great!

Thanks for sharing! *Smile*

KrisAnn



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16
16
Review of The Sell-Out  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi! I came across your item, so I thought I'd sneak a peek and offer my humble view on behalf of "The Angel Army" 

A QUICK HEADS UP: I'm not a professional, only a mere writer. Feel free to either take any suggestions I may give or dump them. It's your work, your choice!

First off, I must give you kudos for tackling the overused vampire genre in such a way that it made your story seem unique and different. I don't want to spoil the ending for anyone who may read this review, but I must say your twist of events was an excellent way to set yourself apart from all of the other vampire stories. I love that particular genre but lately I find myself bored with the cliches associated with vampire stories, but this piece was refreshing. Job well done *Smile*

Having said that, I think there may be a few small things you could do to improve this piece and make it really pop off the page, or rather, the computer screen.

TECHNICAL BITS: aCatholic drawn from celibacy--You need a space between "a" and "Catholic."

Other than that, this story is very well written.

RANDOM BITS: You have a great use of description and analogy in this piece. It was very easy to see the events unfold in my mind's eye while reading.

Overall, I think this is a great example of a fresh vampire story. I enjoyed it!

Thanks for sharing! *Smile*

KrisAnn



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17
17
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi! I came across your item, so I thought I'd sneak a peek and offer my humble view on behalf of "The Angel Army" 

A QUICK HEADS UP: I'm not a professional, only a mere writer. Feel free to either take any suggestions I may give or dump them. It's your work, your choice!

First off, I must give you kudos for writing such a good short story with an excellent tone. You managed to convince me that the main character was a detective of some sort all through out the piece, but then you twisted the ending. Job well done *Smile*.

Having said that, I think there may be a few small things you could do to improve this piece and make it really pop off the page, or rather, the computer screen.

TECHNICAL BITS: This is pretty well written. I didn't spot any glaring technical errors. I can think of nothing that could improve this story.

RANDOM BITS: The second sentence of the second paragraph is a bit of a mouthful, but I don't think it takes away from the story. Normally, I would suggest a long sentence like that be broken up, but it read okay.

Overall, I think this is a good read. I enjoyed it!

Thanks for sharing! *Smile*

KrisAnn



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18
18
Review of Necessary Task  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi! I came across your item, so I thought I'd sneak a peek and offer my humble view on behalf of "The Angel Army" 

A QUICK HEADS UP: I'm not a professional, only a mere writer. Feel free to either take any suggestions I may give or dump them. It's your work, your choice!

First off, I must give you kudos for writing in such a manner that I didn't immediately realize this was written entirely in dialogue. That shows a great talent. You made good use of the prompt. The mandatory phrases flowed seamlessly into the story. It kept me entertained. Job well done *Smile*.

Having said that, I think there may be a few small things you could do to improve this piece and make it really pop off the page, or rather, the computer screen.

TECHNICAL BITS: I actually didn't find any technical errors in this piece. I can think of nothing to improve it.

RANDOM BITS: One thing made me wonder: why was the mother constantly telling her daughter not to slouch? It would have been interesting to see what she was doing to cause her mother to constantly correct her but I don't think it's necessary for the story. I'm just nosy that way *Laugh*.

Overall, I think this is a great short story. I enjoyed it!

Thanks for sharing! *Smile*

KrisAnn



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19
19
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi! I came across your item, so I thought I'd sneak a peek and offer my humble view on behalf of "The Angel Army" 

A QUICK HEADS UP: I'm not a professional, only a mere writer. Feel free to either take any suggestions I may give or dump them. It's your work, your choice!

First off, I must give you kudos for creating the weirdest compilation of fairy tales I've ever read. And I mean "weird" in a good way! I like your creativity. You have a good mix of fairy tales in your piece and they all blend together to make one big story. Once I started reading, I couldn't stop, although, I must admit I had to shake my head in wonder in a few spots. I'll address those points in the "Random Bits" section. As a whole, I enjoyed the read *Bigsmile*.

Having said that, I think there may be a few small things you could do to improve this piece and make it really pop off the page, or rather, the computer screen.

TECHNICAL BITS: I think you may need to utilize a spell checker here. You misspelled a couple of words towards the beginning.

It is always good practice to write numbers out, including ages. Instead of starting of with "13-year-old", it could be written as "thirteen-year-old."

RANDOM BITS: I had to shake my head at your Red Riding Hood character when she picks up the poison apple to give to her grandmother (to add some fruit to her diet) after the witch clearly states that it is poison. WOW. Did Red not hear the witch or did she just not care? *Laugh* Then you have the fight with Herr Korbes and the Wolf. During the fight, Korbes evades a swing of a knife by "the Matrix dodge." I laughed out loud at that point, but I had to shake my head at the same time. There is so much creativity and cleverness in this story but at times it got a wee bit overwhelming. I do have to give you credit, though. Your characters left a lasting impression.

Overall, I think this is a really funny, creative, and enjoyable read!

Thanks for sharing! *Smile*

KrisAnn



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20
20
Review of Daddy Longlegs  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi! I came across your item, so I thought I'd sneak a peek and offer my humble view on behalf of "The Angel Army" 

A QUICK HEADS UP: I'm not a professional, only a mere writer. Feel free to either take any suggestions I may give or dump them. It's your work, your choice!

First off, I must give you kudos for successfully giving me the "willies." I've never used an outhouse before, and thanks to your story, I never will! This story gave me such gross images; I doubt I'll forget them anytime soon. Two thumbs up *Smile*.

Having said that, I think there may be a few small things you could do to improve this piece and make it really pop off the page, or rather, the computer screen.

TECHNICAL BITS: In your first line you write "his", but there is no man in this story. Could that be a slip up or was that intentional?

Other than that, this is fairly well written. I didn't notice any glaring technical errors.

RANDOM BITS: I loved the ending with Rachel no longer caring about her clothing. It was almost like a running gag that tied the story's beginning to the end quite well.

Overall, I think this is a good, enjoyable (albeit gross) story. I liked it!

Thanks for sharing! *Smile*

KrisAnn



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21
21
Review of Devil at My Door  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi! I came across your item, so I thought I'd sneak a peek and offer my humble view on behalf of "The Angel Army" 

A QUICK HEADS UP: I'm not a professional, only a mere writer. Feel free to either take any suggestions I may give or dump them. It's your work, your choice!

First off, I must give you kudos for your take on the "good shoulder/bad shoulder" scenario. I really enjoyed how you showed the temptation the devil offers, the truth the angel reveals, and the short ensuing battle the character goes through. Will she be catty and listen to the devil or will she dismiss her friend's insults and move on? This was a very brief but effective story. I enjoyed it *Smile*.

Having said that, I think there may be a few small things you could do to improve this piece and make it really pop off the page, or rather, the computer screen.

TECHNICAL BITS: "Rebecca, go away your so ugly...---Here, there is a full sentence and the start of another. I would suggest a period after "go away." Also, be careful with "your" and "you're." The first is the possessive of "you", while the latter is the contraction of "you are." In this excerpt, "you're" is the correct word.

The devils words---Here, "devils" should have an apostrophe to show ownership.

Overall, I think this was a really good short story. With a little TLC, it could really stand out. I liked it!

Thanks for sharing! *Smile*

KrisAnn



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22
22
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi! I came across your item, so I thought I'd sneak a peek and offer my humble view on behalf of "The Angel Army" 

A QUICK HEADS UP: I'm not a professional, only a mere writer. Feel free to either take any suggestions I may give or dump them. It's your work, your choice!

First off, I must give you kudos for writing about a young lady finally moving on from her abusive boyfriend. So many women (and men) nowadays feel trapped in toxic relationships with a desperation to be freed and yet they feel trapped for whatever reason. I think you did well creating a character who was believable and realistic. I also noted that despite Jesse's brief stint in jail, he has yet to learn his lesson. Too often this scenario occurs in real life. It's a shame...

Having said that, I think there may be a few small things you could do to improve this piece and make it really pop off the page, or rather, the computer screen.

TECHNICAL BITS: I highly suggest you utilize a spell checker in your pieces. You have quite a few misspelled words which could have been caught and fixed quickly had you used the checker. Too many incorrect spellings can take away from the story.

To many months...--"To" should be "Too." That's a common mistake.

Everyknow that Jesse...--I think you meant "Everyone" here. I would also suggest you change "know" to "knew." It could read "Everyone knew that Jesse..."

...a Jesse-print acorss her left cheek.--I was a little lost here. What type of print do you mean? A hand print? A fist print? I think you could be a little clearer here and give the readers a stronger idea of what your main character was going through. Also, "across" is misspelled here.

Overall, I think this is a really good story with a lot of potential. With a little polishing, it could be great!

Thanks for sharing! *Smile*

KrisAnn



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23
23
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi! I came across your item, so I thought I'd sneak a peek and offer my humble view on behalf of "The Angel Army" 

A QUICK HEADS UP: I'm not a professional, only a mere writer. Feel free to either take any suggestions I may give or dump them. It's your work, your choice!

First off, I must give you kudos for your comprehensible explanation of adverbs and the need to cut back on them. I didn't realize how much I leaned on adverbs and adjectives in my writing before I came to WDC. Your piece is a prime example of a guide that can be utilized by writers such as myself who sometimes need to be reminded of what not to do. Two thumbs up *Smile*.

Having said that, I think there may be a few small things you could do to improve this piece and make it really pop off the page, or rather, the computer screen.

TECHNICAL BITS: I didn't notice any technical errors in this piece. It's well written.

RANDOM BITS: I really liked the tone of this piece. It's educational, yet the tone was almost conversational and allowed for easy comprehension and retention. Your method of identifying adverbs and replacing them with strong verbs was excellent and efficient.

Overall, I think this is a great piece. I found it very informative.

Thanks for sharing! *Smile*

KrisAnn



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24
24
Review of Have You Ever...  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*



Hi! I saw you have an anniversary, so I thought I'd sneak into your port and offer my humble view on behalf of "The Angel Army" 

A QUICK HEADS UP: I'm not a professional, only a mere writer. Feel free to either take any suggestions I may give or dump them. It's your work, your choice!

First off, I must give you kudos for the style of this poem. It's thought provoking without being too "deep" for comprehension and also fun. It has a good pace and isn't bogged down with unnecessary words. You even came up with a few things in this poem I would like to try myself, hopefully in the near future. Two thumbs up *Bigsmile*.

Having said that, I think there may be a few small things you could do to improve this piece and make it really pop off the page, or rather, the computer screen.

TECHNICAL BITS:For all of your stanzas, except the last, I suggest you end the last line with a question mark, not a period. Those four stanzas are actually questions being asked and should be punctuated correctly. Other than that, I didn't see anything that needed to be changed or improved. This is a good poem.

RANDOM BITS: Lines two and three of stanza two made me laugh out loud. I've already done both of those this week *Laugh*.

Overall, I think this is a fun poem. I enjoyed reading it!

Thanks for sharing! *Smile*

KrisAnn



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25
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*



Hi! I saw you have an anniversary, so I thought I'd sneak into your port and offer my humble view on behalf of "The Angel Army" 

A QUICK HEADS UP: I'm not a professional, only a mere writer. Feel free to either take any suggestions I may give or dump them. It's your work, your choice!

First off, I must give you kudos for writing such a warm essay! I've never been to Nebraska, but your first impression pretty much mirrors mine. I have heard about the tough winters out there as well. I wouldn't want to live in such extreme cold! However, you showed that there was more to the city than sub-zero temperatures. I really liked this piece *Smile*.

Having said that, I think there may be a few small things you could do to improve this piece and make it really pop off the page, or rather, the computer screen.

TECHNICAL BITS: Actually, I didn't see any technical errors nor can I think of anything that may need improvement.

Overall, I think this was a really good essay. I enjoyed reading it!

Thanks for sharing! *Smile*

KrisAnn



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