This is a cool piece of flash fiction, and conceptually you have the makings of a much larger piece if you ever choose to flush it out and take it in that direction. I like the use of the keywords, and your characters come to life in such a short piece, nice job on it.
I was immediately provoked into thinking about Ray Bradury's story "Something Wicked This Way Comes", with the children and the amusement park. You did a great job of setting up the visceral fear element, I was reading intently to see what had happened to Johnny and Becky, but unfortunately, I nevr "saw" what happened to them. I understand the point you were trying to make, although I felt it lacked a certain payoff. In the end, you did a great job of delivering fright and that's a good horror writer.
Well, in the 120 words you used, you completely conveyed the nightmare and I was taken by how much imagery you evoked in such a short piece of fiction. I'm brand new to flash fiction, and am absolutely enamored by both it's simplicity and it's difficulty. Great job here, I plan to read a lot more of your work.
This was fun and it's a great concept, the only issue is that the word "HE" actually appears more than once in the puzzle, so finding the right one is frustrating. Overall, a good puzzle and I'd love to do more of these. Also, gotta love the Lovecraft stuff.
I think this is such a cute, light and funny way to get introduced to this site. Being new myself, I wish I would have found it earlier as my introduction. Great job incorporating the right people in this "story" and of course touching on some of the more confusing topics for a first timer.
That was a great story, at first I wasn't sure where it was heading, and by the end you tied it all together, great job. The only suggestion I have is, don't use the same word over and over, Vanity popped up multiple times in the same group of sentences.
For example:
“Let me guess. You have grown tired of Eagle’s vanity and want to see to it that his vanityit is put to an end, correct?”
I loved this, even with the short word count I was drawn in and followed along until the very end, which I absolutely did not expect to happen as it did. You conveyed the feeling of each character wonderfully, and even without the background I could get a feel for their relationship. Excellent job.
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“Let me guess. You have grown tired of Eagle’s vanity and want to see to it that