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5 Public Reviews Given
43 Total Reviews Given
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Review of Seven years later  
Review by BryanLee
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Fruanc JH,

This is an imaginative story with an interesting narrator and a nice effort to create an alternate universe for him to inhabit. I liked very much the way you describe the boy's friends in Shail, and how you capture the feeling of boredom he feels now that Dan is sick. Your description of physical sensations was also well done; I particularly enjoyed the phrase "...shiver to tiptoe down my spine," as well as "sleep gnawed at me." The latter was especially amusing, considering the context.

As to style, I would consider this a solid first draft. I think your chapter could be improved by editing out much of the musings of your narrator. The reader of a werewolf story wants action and motion, with just enough back story to make the fictional world believable. The best writing advice I have ever read came from Stephen King: Final Draft=First Draft - 10%. Try doing a word count on this, then rewrite it using 10-15% fewer words. You'll find the flow is better, and the reader will be pulled along by your narration.

Still, I commend you for having set the stage for what is sure to be a fun novel. You have built a solid basis for your characters, and have created a situation that causes the reader to ask the most important question of all: "What's next?"

Write On!
-Bryan Lee
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2
Review by BryanLee
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hmmmmm. Not sure what you're driving at here. You've engaged me with this odd sketch, then ended it too abruptly. I have no problems with short, or even abrupt, but incompleteness is a crime.

Still, you've managed to intrigue me in just a few words. I just wish I could have read more.

-Bryan

P.S. Go Bears!
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