This is good work, I actually think maybe it should be done in free or blank verse. It describes what alot of Christians are going through. And the bible says in the last days there will be a great falling away. Don't be apart of it...please.
Keep writing, I can tell you have the talent. But it takes friction to polish a gem.
D.
Loved it, you capture the moment, and the one that followed. If your looking for a great book, buy:
Techniques of the selling writer, by Dwight Swain.
You won't believe its value.
D.
If you keep writing like this, they'll love you for it!!
A Ration of Courage
I pray no one asks for my name,
it tumbled from the saddle
of my mind, at Gettysburg,
covered in the mud of insanity
I left broken, and twisted.
I swing into a gallop
past the steam of gray soldiers.
Staring at the young and old,
as they draw another ration
of courage from my soul.
Who will see tomorrow's beauty,
with limbs intact I wondered?
And who will show the sun how red their blood is,
as they lie against the earth's blanket of grass.
They cheer for me... hats waving,
like wheat unknowing of the harvest.
"Give 'em hell General!!"
"We can turn the tide!"
I smile, "Trust me boys, I will...
If hell be on our side."
This is amazing work--and no I'm not trading 5.0's with you. I still can't figure out how you connected such imagery, flow, meter, and a deep message of life's wonders. Awesome work!
Dudley
Sherri, Sherri, Sherri,
This is awesome work! I loved every line, imagery was both lively and real. The poem never stalled.
I'm going to make some coffee and stay a while.
Dudley
"Hoka Hey" "Hanta Yo" {"Clear the way," if I remember right? or was it "a good day to die?"]
Yes, I fell in love with all the great chiefs also.
Lakota and Cheyenne. What beautiful people hey were.
Your poem is a great tribute to the last of the great knights who road bareback. Too bad he was killed by his own. I always found that shocking.
Dudley
This is really exceptional, you layered the metaphors and let them tell the story.
Might want to fix this typo:
"That that licks my flesh"
You have the talent, now you must keep writing.
Getting your voice...Its a journey believe me.
Sometimes I think everthing I write is Junk!!
Other times it strikes me as beautiful.
Dudley
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/br5439
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.22 seconds at 12:33am on Apr 16, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
