You are so right Mc Young. Obviously, these people not only need our understanding but also our help. There are many ways in which we can all do a bit to help those worse off. Perhaps you could follow this up, by making some suggestions for those who don't know what to do. Thanks for the heartfelt writing. Alison.
I liked the idea of this piece - the visiting of other places through the guide and the savouring of experiences at each place, but I found it very hard to imagine the words as lyrics being sung. Maybe I'm just not musical enough. The only technical problem I spotted was boarder which doesn't need the a. good luck with your work.
Andrea, your story is VERY effective and explores the theory of a self fulfilling prophecy in a horribly realistic way. Towards the end I had a feeling about what was to come - but it still sent a shiver down my spine. Technically, your writing appears to be grammatically sound, although some of the longer sentences in Edit #8 might have been better if broken by the use of commas. Overall, an excellent job.
Bobbi, this is a lovely story of enduring love and self sacrifice. The flashbacks are handled well and gradually flesh out the background details. Your characters are likeable - though perhaps a little too good to be true. I enjoyed reading this gentle story.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/brokenpencil
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.30 seconds at 9:41pm on Apr 24, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
