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Hey there,
Maria Pen 
. This short piece pictured a sweet everyday moment that captured a close relationship between two sisters. The emotion and bond between the sisters were well captured. However, I would not call this a short story. It's more like a
vignette . Also, a short story is usually between 1,000 to 7,500 words. Yours only had 201 words which makes it fall under the flash fiction category (100 - 1000 words). In fact, I wouldn't quite call this a flash fiction either because this piece is not a story. It is lacking the usual story structure (e.g. The Three Acts story structure). It merely depicted the Main Character (MC) looking at the window, looking at the birds, then thinking of going for a vacation. After that, her sister coincidentally calls and she thinks of visiting her sister. As you can see, nothing really happened in the story. There was no real conflict, no inciting incident, no mid-point, no climax, no denouement. Then, there was a pronoun issue.
They sure were a delight to see, making my heart feel light at the sight of them. 
Who do you mean by this? As for your dialogue, a question should always end with a question mark, not an exclamation mark. The punctuation error took me out of the story. Another punctuation error
Lily hadn't been to Niagra Falls(,) for at least three years. Somewhere is one word, not two. I don't think the description of the story describes what your story is about.
"
A short story about a woman who finds love in the beginning of a new season Spring!" (again, watch out for the exclamation mark. Do not overuse them. And do you mean
a new Spring season?) Anyway, if you plan to rework your story in the future, feel free to request for another review from me. If you have some questions and need some guidance for your short story, feel free to email me. I'm not the best teacher (I'm not even a teacher), but I can share what I know with you as a peer and hope that it would help you polish your story.
|21 March 2024, 01:23 (GMT+8 
), Thursday| In conjunction with "March Review Raid" |
Thank you for sharing this with us and Write On!
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It's really, really good. I can't get enough of it. You got me hooked right from: 
Just in case you wanna add some sort of conflict, add stakes to the MCs being found out and the danger of being discovered. Everything is going pretty fine right now which suggests a possible longer piece to satisfy your reader 
. Kidding. It's just that you really nailed the characterisation bit too and made me hooked to the MC. I wanna get to know her more. Like, what does she look like? What is her original form? Where is she from? I'm dying of curiosity. But that's just me. Are we looking at a novel? I'm such a pain. I know... I'll let myself out. 
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
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This poem is way too realistic. It's nice to read about someone going through the exact same thing in my life, having to make the very same decision because of the very same reason. I think this poem is fantastic. Really. I love your opening hook: "I’ve finally shunned the work/Done with the final poking jerk" the first stanza being my very favourite line. There are no grammatical errors spotted. It's not easy writing a poem that mirror people's life so accurately so well done! I look forward to seeing more of your work. 
What I like about your C-Notes are its creativity, its vivid colours, its adorable and beautiful character designs, their emotional facial expressions (cuteness overload
), and its available varieties. Because of your talent in design, your innovative mind and creativity, I'd say that you are a potential trend-setter in WDC. Also, specific C-Notes such as St. Patrick's are really difficult to find on WDC, so it's a real treasure to find yours. You just know what we want and continue to feed us visually. 
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There were existing tension between MC and her son, and the MC vs. her husband because her husband let her son take the lead and she didn't like it. She must have been used to being in control at home. I can actually relate to that. 
Plot point on son as a possible drug addict
Of course, as always, there are rooms for improvements:
Well done! 
"Dad, you know I'm an A.I," I said. Let me explain myself, I'm an advanced self-aware A.I. created by Dr. Samuel. I was created roughly twelve years ago today, I'm turning thirteen today. 
I had gone from a wireframe hologram to flesh and blood... well a convincing simulacrum at the very least.