When I began reading this piece, my attention was almost immediately drawn to the number of sentence fragments. Perhaps this is allowable in prose, if indeed, that is the intended style, but in my opinion, if a writer is going to write in sentences, then some structural consistency is necessary. As an amateur writer, it is probably not wise to take such grammatical liberties.
Since we live in a predominantly Christian society, the author has presented a fairly "safe" topic. By safe, I mean that most people feel uncomfortable saying anything negative about someone who is relating their deepest religious values. Add a liberal sprinkling of religious rhetoric, and people are even less likely to criticize.
While some of the passages were a little vague, there was logical progression and a thoughtful and creative conclusion.
Unfortunately, It is far more difficult to write a refreshing and inspiring religious piece than people imagine. Practically any point one can make has been said time and time again, and though you may illicit a chorus of "Amen" from your Christian readers, being "safe" does little to demonstrate your writing talent.
My best wishes for your future endeavors.
Bukwheat
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