I really do enjoy the flow of this peace. I like the poems progression into your finalized thought. Initially I read it with a grimace because I do not particularly agree with your perspective on the deeper nature of understanding the suffering/joy duality but there is no denying your ability to write poetry. Great poem and thank you for this!
I like the piece overall but had difficulty finding a proper structure. Is this more on the side of free verse? But the flow overall was pretty good, some areas were a little weird. There are some grammatical errors that I'm sure you can fix up real quick. But well done and write on!
This was difficult to read in the sense that you bring forth the emotion well and the reader easily picks up on it. The subject matter is intense and it's great that you have the strength to share this experience.
The first time I read this I was like "what"? Then I went back and read it again this time with a bit more attention and then the poem opened up to me. Your imagery is great and you describe the winter season well. In some areas the flow is a little off when your syllables and rhythms seem a bit awkward but I do not feel at all that it detracted from the poem. well done and thank you for your post.
This was written really well. I thought the paragraphs were really attractive to read, something that I look forward to carrying on to my writing a bit. Everything happens in a logical order and you bring the reader from each event without making it seemed rush which is well done. If this is your first short story I would say that you have a knack for it and should pursue this ability. I personally have found a lot of joy in writing short stories. Really when it comes down to it the piece does not have to be good or bad you just have to enjoy writing it. When you enjoy writing the piece an interesting thing happens where you can get much more feeling and tone across. Anyways well done and good luck on your future writing endeavors.
Truly this is beautiful. I am so glad I decided to click on your post and read it. This is so enlightening and very centered around the idea of mindfulness from the eight-fold path of Nirvana. Well done and I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. Thank you.
I really liked this. It had great flow and I thought the emotions were very real. At least I definitely picked up on them! That opening is an automatic hook. "Today is here, but I am not" It hit me in the heart! Seriously well done!
I really like this piece, it was moving and easily read. I too had lost some pets that I once had considered apart of my family, but I enjoy looking back at their curious quirks. You have done a great job at bringing back some cherished memories which I think is a very important trait for a writer. Thanks and keep writing!
I love writing because when a good writer creates something, you can feel the emotion from the piece. Here, you are very angry, which is understandable. The flow of the piece is such that at times it flows fast, short words and sentences to emphasize the frustration. But then you go into a little more of an emotional sense, still angry but with a touch of sadness. You were betrayed, your dreams betrayed...its a very anger inciting feeling, but also leaves the victim broken and confused. I too understand the pains of losing some one you love, having to watch them walk away from an idea that i had tried so hard for. Now i am left in your shoes, wondering whether or not love is even real, more importantly though is the fear that i would never move on, hence my love for her remains.
My favorite line:
"...true to form people with disastrous childhoods tend to push all that stuff under the carpet and never vacuum up the crumbs that are underneath."
I love it because I have a real problem childhood that tends to get in the way of my progress, and never do i stop to see possible solutions, i know they are there but it is just much easier to forget about it and move on. Anyways...seeing that line made me laugh, that i thought i was successful at hiding it when in reality there are those who can see right through me.
Anyways, this piece made me think, made me feel. So as a writer you should be proud, that is what i try to achieve at least in MY writing. Great job, and keep writing! I hope one day you realize that you deserve better, and I hope you do find some one that makes you happy who isnt (cheating ***hole). Write on!
First of, these are just my opinions, i am in no way a professional.
first impressions: I really like the message of the poem. Id like to think of myself as a man of science, and have a deep respect for those who would die for the truth. Your poem does those men justice, and i think it is a wonderful peace.
Structure: Your structure is ABAB, and is so easily. Your words seem well chosen in the sense of rhyme, but some words seem off due to their syllables. The flow is nicely done until a sentence varies from the pattern of syllables and kind of sets the flow askew.
This has such a smooth flow and creates a great image for love. You have a great talent in developing the flow and rhyming scheme, its very impressive. Knowing love but lacking the correct words to explain, you have perfectly created an accurate depiction of true love. Great Job!
I dont even know what to say, this is absolutely amazing. The emotion is very well brought out. It is very dark and grasping, especially at the end, it was as if a beautiful tragedy. Great job. I think if the structure between sentences or paragraphs would give a neater look, maybe some sentence structure checks, but all in all a great piece. Great job!
Beautiful. There is nothing more heartbreaking than losing the person you love to some one else and dealing with the loss forever. I love your flow, and your use of structure. I think you have a great talent for poetry, keep it up!
This is absolutely beautiful and I love it. Having been through the pains and joys of love, this poem definitely rings true. I love how you trail off at the end, leaving the answer to time. All in all, very well written and I look forward to reviewing your other work.
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