This is just excellent. The story progresses continuously and with a purpose. The detail is at the exact level it needs to be and very adequately describes what needs to be described. Also, the individuality that seeps into the boy is interesting, his choice to do things on his own and without Mother's order adds a point of realism. In a lot of stories I've read, the protagonists immediately agree with each other or have a two sentence argument which reads weak.
There were no grammar mistakes which i admire very much x )
I can't wait to read more, keep on writing!
Very good : ) This rings fairly true for me, regret has a huge effect on me emotionally. I've always felt that regretting mistakes is a positive thing temporarily, but not permanently. Moving past those mistakes is the most important thing you can possibly do, and this poem sends that message. Good job and keep on writing!
Wow. That was heavy. The sadness that comes from seeing a child leave, i had only imagined it before now, but i really felt it. The father was the voice of reason, but his words dripped with the same feeling his wife expressed. The description was great, the setting and mindset of the characters was well presented. 5 out of 5.
I have to say, that as a person that doesn't usually enjoy modern era tales, i did enjoy this one. There was an emotional depth that's lost in alot of other short stories, the title was very appropriate. The imagery was very well done, the first paragraph really placed me there and it was maintained all the way through. Good job and keep writing!
Great job! This is a fantastic short story! The dialog between the characters was tangible and very realistic. If any failure is had on a writers part, it's dialog and you nailed it. The scenery was very well described and you didn't use words foreign to the era or theme. Keep on writing!
Other than a few typing errors and difference in flow, it's really not bad. Especially for an 8th grader, fairly impressive for that age. Two things you could do are (like you said in the author's note) slow things down a little and make your details more complicated. A simple event like a meeting of a few people could spill detail into the story that you could use later to enrich a slow chapter. There were a few grammatical mistakes but those aren't really that important, plot and details first.
Anyway, keep on writing!
" “Wait, what's your name she asked.” She asked. " Just a few errors, but other than that it wasn't too bad. I'm guessing you wrote this with David Tennant in mind because of the date. It lacks a certain excitement and/or interest. But, keep working at it! It takes time to figure out what works and how to use it
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