I'm interested to know how Susan's gonna take this new turn in her life, though not that's it a personal choice for her. I like how Marianna and St. Ives are going through similar things that many couples experience in their relationships. It's nice to see them humanized for a change rather than mindless creatures.
I had thought that St Ives and Marianna were Vamps, so them turning out to be Zombies was a nice twist.
I think this piece works well as a short story and leaves lots of questions, but whether they should be answered in a bigger novel I don't know.
One word is missing an s - the first time Marianna speaks to Susan and comment on when she is due "within three week" should have an s there.
All in all a nice read - not truely horrific, but a nice twist in the kind of 'villians' there.
I must say I had to laugh at this. A great stereotypical view of many cultures. I guess my only criticism if you can call it that (as it may have been your intention) is the verse stating with crestfallen and flustered doesn't follow the same rhyme scheme as the other verse of the same length with lines 1 & 2 rhyming, and 4 & 6 rhyming. I had a change the tempo in my head slighty as I read.
I wasn't sure what to think of this when I first started reading. It sounded like the start to a bad joke, but it did keep me interested to find out who the Triple Danger Special were and was pleasantly amused to find out it was a favor for Rodger's wife.
I must say the Change to a Were-man was most amusing and certainly not what I expected at all. I couldn't figure out what would be scarier than having the first thing done, but nicely capped off.
I really like the use of metaphor in this - tying the falling autumn leaves to dead skin and linked to the 'event' whatever is it was is well done. There's a couple of sentences in there that'd I'd tweak slightly to make it fit a little better.
The one I really struggle with is the last. I get the idea that humanity is like a tree and we are in our Autumn with this event. I don't like the use of the down, down, down part. And is possibly the weakest sentence in the whole piece. Are we headed into a long, dark, harsh winter? I get the feeling from this piece that the narrator can't see a spring coming, or that it is so far off it hasn't registered.
I do like the idea that you have likened all this to the seasons. It'd be interesting to see how this could go over a whole year of seasons.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/casamyr
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.19 seconds at 10:49am on Apr 23, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
