Really? No review for the Castle yet either? I am seriously slacking off here! Another I&O with tons of misunderstood craziness, wildly strange comments and bizarre creatures. Or, is that misunderstood creatures, strangly bizarre comments and general craziness? You'll have to come see for yourself!
I've been playing in this I&O Forever! Think it's about time to R&R! It's a riot a minute with crazies, I mean, uh, other like-minded people with batty characters-I mean, uh, um, great personalities and yeah, an old bottle with about a hundred messages waiting to be read!
I found your poetry to be in some ways very picturesque, in other ways maybe just a little confusing for me.
The third stanza is beautiful, my mind absorbs the intent and flickers of interest fire through my brain like wildfire.
the waterfall of Desire
rushes through my bones
However, the fifth stanza, I think, maybe a word was left out, for it seems to be missing the punch I feel you intended it to have.
i deep my nails into Desire's flesh
Maybe you meant " i dig deep my nails..."?
Also, one last thing, you have set this up as an In & Out - I truly believe if you edit this to be poetry, you will probably get some solid reviews for it's just not listed in the right place for people to find it.
I liked your quiz, but wished it were longer than 5 questions. Also, would like to see correct answers if I had missed any and possibly even a comparison to others who took the quiz as well.
I enjoyed your story and was able to follow it quite easily-though I did wish for a little more background. As I read through I only found a couple of errors:
Mariel stubbled to the sink and filled the mug. (stumbled)
the rough growths and blemishes that covered were cleared away. (covered IT were)
Other than these two things, I found your punctuation, spelling and storytelling an enjoyable experience.
I enjoyed your short story and enjoyed the ending. I really didn't know what it was that Colin was avoiding until almost to the very end.
I only found the following minor mistakes:
It was the last time I seen my mother alive (saw)
In them screams I could hear words. “No…no…Michael don’t….” (those, their, or the)
On the 11th chime I turned and seen the boy, my brother as nothing more than a rotted corpse. (saw) (was)
There was still a flaky skin attached to the bones, not much but some. (flap of, piece of, or remove 'a' completely)
Other than these little things, I didn't see any noticeable spelling or other grammatical errors. I still ranked this piece 4 stars because of how well written I found it to be. Once you correct your mistakes, please let me know and I would love to come back and move it up another 1/2 star.
Well, I got both questions correct on your quiz, just wish there were some other interesting questions you had asked, like: Is rattler venom deadly to rattlers? Or, maybe What is the largest bird, or longest living reptile or something.
A very thoughtful read. I like the idea of the story, as well as the slightly depressing inner dialogue of your main character-very dark and troubled.
You use your imagination well, and the small twist at the end does give the piece some closure. I'm left wondering how many people were in that little black book. Both the ones in red and black-how clever to leave me wanting more!
You have a good idea, but you need to work on the incomplete sentences. Also, if I may suggest, remove the bold, it's a little distracting and "chunky" when trying to read.
I did like your play on words, as well as the suspensefull ending. Nicely done.
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