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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/celticsnow
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3 Public Reviews Given
4 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by Celticsnow
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Mary Ann,

This is such a lovely poem tinged with loneliness and a little sadness. You have written it really well and I love the structure, rhyme and rhythm. It almost echoes his feet walking from town to town, a steady beat.

The only thing I could recommend is to consider the punctuation. For me when I read it aloud, I read it with a full stop after each second sentence, just as you did at the beginning. I read it consistently like that as it adds to the rhythm.

"His feet and the road meet
As he tramps the street.
Taking shelter where found
He sleeps on the ground."

However this is just my opinion and I don't you how you would read this aloud. But I hope it helps.

Lovely poem!

- Celticsnow
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2
Review of That Old House  
Review by Celticsnow
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey Joe,

I like this poem a lot. I love the theme of time and abandoned places. It is very much relevant to today. It reminded me a little of the likes of Derek Mahon's poem "A Disused Shed in County Wexford" or stories by Elizabeth Bowen (she wrote about wartime London and used a lot of themes like time, change, old things/ways). I like your use of verbs such as "creeping", "climbing" and "seized", personifying nature and almost the violent way it attacks this poor house. And not only is the house a victim, but the woman, whose memory is tainted by the idea that she was an "old witch".

Great work! :)
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