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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/chere100
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47 Public Reviews Given
47 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by Crystal J. Ice
Rated: E | (4.0)
Sounds like you didn't like hitch hiking very much did you?

This poem has a weighty tired feeling. I rather liked it. I don't say that often. I thought about saying that I didn't like it, but no, I do. It left me feeling a little depressed though, and I don't like that. But that is why it's good. You are able to convey the emotions with words, a very wonderful talent. I admire you.
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Review by Crystal J. Ice
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Very interesting. I like the concept. A phoenix and a child born together, very close. A child destined for great things. I couldn't stop reading until the last line. You misspelled a few things, but I was so drawn in, I hardly noticed.
The good points of this are:
1. It draws you in.
2. The concept is good.
3. It's not an overused topic.
4. The descriptions are excellent.
The bad things are:
1. Errors in spelling.
2. Little tension
As this feels like a prologue, it doesn't yet need a lot of tension, but if you plan to continue this you might want to consider this in the future of the story.
I like that you didn't make up any funky weird names for your characters, though some of the names feel a little too plain. I liked the name Ethan, but Nathan felt a little wrong. If it were me, giving my character that name, I'd probably end up calling him Nat. But that's just me.
I like this. It certainly seems to be going somewhere. Keep it up. *Smile*
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Review of Whisper Of A Name  
Review by Crystal J. Ice
Rated: E | (5.0)
It touched my heart and made me sad, but at the same time it does not feel like a tragedy even though it is. You incorporated that bible story in very well. You made it a part of your own story, so even though it comes from another book, you made it belong to you. That's real talent. I like this story, even though it made me cry. ^_^
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Review by Crystal J. Ice
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
The thing about anything you write is that is will NEVER receive a 100% approval rate. Harry Potter is really poplar, but I've spoken to people who can't stand it. Twilight is pretty popular, but I've spoken to writers (and readers) who HATE it. Shakespeare is considered a classic work of art, but lots of people today think it boring and depressing.
The best thing you can do for yourself is write what you want to and improve what you can.
If you have trouble spelling or using different words, improve your vocabulary. And if you have trouble with approval (and it seems you have), appeal to people who DO like you work. After all, you can't please everyone and EVERYONE is a critic. But that's what helps us improve.

Keep writing! *Smile*
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Review by Crystal J. Ice
Rated: E | (4.0)
I didn't quite get it. I see she talked to a reaper of death, at least I thought she did, but then she was dreaming? Also, she was in a car seat. Is she a child? She does not sound like a child. At youngest, maybe 13. 13 year olds don't sit in car seats. You lost me there.

I found myself thrown into the storm of your story. It made little sense. I also fail to see the purpose in what you wrote. There doesn't seem to be any deeper meaning or any life lesson. I do like how you ended it. I liked the irony of waking up to see the house you were dreaming about in reality, one you've never been to. Of course, if it happened to me, I'd be creeped out.
You have a good sense, but it still needs to be polished. Keep writing! *Smile*
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Review by Crystal J. Ice
Rated: E | (5.0)
I was a little confused, not because it was difficult to understand, I just was. I'm not sure why myself. But if I followed it properly, so the elf sees Jesus, decides to give a gift, forgets his magic, and he uses stars instead. I like how you blended the religious and absolute fantasy together. I like how the idea is both new and old. I think that if your going to turn this into a book like you said, then it would make an excellent children's story. I don't understand why you threw Rudolf in there. In fact, I think that's what confused me. ^_^
Keep going! Your writing can only get better! *Smile*
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Review by Crystal J. Ice
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Heh?! That was creepy! So he was talking to a dead lady the whole entire time?! And he's also supposed to die?! How depressing.
But still, it took a while, but I eventually got pulled into the story (obviously). Your quite excellent with descriptions, you know. But I think you used them too much. There was SO much, I felt a bit overwhelmed. I still read all the way through. I'm glad I did. You came up with something brilliant! This lady was pregnant, her husband, Thomas, is a doctor and he helps people. This other girl "likes" him, and so she kills him when he refuses her?! AND she blames the other lady for it! Ouch. So she comes back to apologize to her husband's reincarnation? This is good! *Smile*
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Review of Thy Will Be Done  
Review by Crystal J. Ice
Rated: E | (5.0)
Heh----?! This had was really sad. *Frown* I hate tragedies. Poor Mat.... I don't think even artificial life wood be forsaken by God, though. I don't believe in such a cruel father. (XD: fathers can be very cruel *Frown* ) I don't really like this, but you do have skill! This just isn't my genre, I suppose... *Smile*
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Review by Crystal J. Ice
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
It made me cry. I was so happy for that mother! I've never had a child, but I can just imagine the pain she felt when she lost her baby and the joy she felt when she found him! I feel attached to this. I'm gonna become a fan. Thank you very much. 5.0 ^_^
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Review by Crystal J. Ice
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
You have a lot of potential. This story also has potential. But you need a hook. I found it hard to get into. You need to make it so that your readers feel like they are living through what the characters are living through. Also, you should try writing every little detail of your character down. That way, your characters never do anything they wouldn't do. You also need more talking. About 40% of a book should be talking. After all, people talk a lot. And you need to give your characters flaws and their own personality traits so that your readers and yourself will become more attached to them. You need to make people want to continue reading. Right now, your story is sluggish though the idea for it is not. You should also go back and reread your work and correct the mistakes that you made. There are a lot of words used wrongly. In the prologue, the first line should have used was instead of were. However, you have something. You should keep writing. ^_^ *Smile*
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Review by Crystal J. Ice
Rated: E | (4.0)
I love water. *Smile*
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Review of Book or Movie?  
Review by Crystal J. Ice
Rated: E | (5.0)
Which book and movie are you talking about? If it was Harry Potter, I'd read the book first. They leave so many things out in the movies. I like books better, too. I wonder if my standards are too high? Maybe it's just that the producer's standards are too low.
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Review by Crystal J. Ice
Rated: E | (5.0)
I give you 5.0, because I laughed! I'm a tooth fairy? I picked it, too! Just to be funny. But to answer your question, yes I've answered as the opposite gender before.
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Review of Roleplaying Games  
Review by Crystal J. Ice
Rated: E | (5.0)
I don't know about reviewing. This time, I'm just saying what role playing games I played. I've never really played dungeons and dragons. I've played Sims, Sims 2, Sims 3, Harry Potter, Fable, Fable 2, Fable 3, Oblivion: The Lost Chapters, Pokemon, and Golden Sun.
Golden Sun is my favorite!
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Review of How Old Are We??  
Review by Crystal J. Ice
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hum. I'll be 19 soon though, so though I voted with the 18 thing, does it still count? I don't know. But it seems most members are young anyways. But that's not surprising. Some older people don't even know HOW to use a computer. My mom didn't for a while.
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Review by Crystal J. Ice
Rated: E | (5.0)
Seriously? What a question. But I'm LDS, so I KNOW that I'd believe in it even if I'd been taught to believe in something else since birth. The truth is the truth for each individual. Nobody can change it, though they can and WILL try. I'm blessed to have such faith.
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Review by Crystal J. Ice
Rated: E | (4.5)
I said 11-16, though it was definitely earlier then that. I started at about 8 myself, but I mostly drew out the stories with little word bubbles. I didn't start WRITING until I was 11.
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Review by Crystal J. Ice
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
I didn't understand this, so giving it a 3.0 is pushing it, but I hate to give bad ratings. I do get that your relating love to other things, mainly animals. Not a bad choice of relating, but I still don't get it. And I'm usually good with philosophy.
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Review of Apple  
Review by Crystal J. Ice
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Ummm... I don't know what to say. It's kind of, ya know.... give a a little bit of a perverted feeling? I'm rather embarrassed to read it. I understand what your saying though. The first is always the best. Usually. Mine wasn't, but usually it's good. I don't know though. This isn't my kind of poetry.
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