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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/chuck021
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9 Public Reviews Given
103 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by chuck021
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This piece has a wonderful sensitivity to it. I found myself hoping with Olivia and being concerned about Mark. Aside from some nits like a couple of run-on sentences and a few sentences that could, I think, use some rewriting, I have no suggestions about the writing. (An example: A man that appeared to be in his mid thirties with an athletic build introduced himself as Lenny. This would probably be better as "A man with an athletic build who appeared to be in his mid-thirties introduced himself as Lenny." I said they were nits.) I did, however, get the same feeling that I've gotten from a couple of my own stories: there is much more here that could and should be told. You might consider making this a long short story or even a novella. I think your characters could carry it.

A nice piece of work.
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Review by chuck021
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This actually brought tears to my eyes. A lot of us who lived through that period can identify with the dissonance and accomodation. You told the story wonderfully.

There were a couple of missing commas, but in the scheme of things they are so inconsequential that I failed to note where they were.

Congratulations on a well-done story.
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