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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/coinreaper
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4 Public Reviews Given
4 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by JustaThought
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Nicely done, I had guessed about the time travel twist but I did't expect williams to be the accomplice (though it may be because that plot point was not developed enought but well whatever) the pojn is that this was quiet impressive.
Thank you for putting this story forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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2
Review of American ways  
Review by JustaThought
Rated: E | (3.5)
This would have been perfect for me if it had been a little longer it feels more like a synopsis.

I mean that you had a great idea here, the cafeteria analogy is quite unique and well thought of but your story just serves it directly. It isn't one of those stories that you could share with friends and family on get togethers and stuff.

Also I found that there were some unnecessary set of characters, you could have used just you, the grandfather, and that woman maybe.

If this story had been meant to be one of those flash story types then I guess that keeping it concise was the right choice otherwise I'd say that this story needed some more development.

It all boils down to a great idea but poor execution.

Please write more, again, the idea itself was great and makes you wonder about the topic


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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