I found you through the randomized "Read & Review" tab.
I used to be a workoholic--extra hours at my day job plus getting my writing off the ground resulted in 80 hour work weeks. As I've gotten older, I've realized that creativity requires rest--and success requires taking pause to figure out what matters most to you.
Thank you for this item, and I hope you have a great day!
This is a really funny beginning to a story. I'd like to see where you go on with it from here. The dialogue is natural and has a good pace to it Charles is a really quirky character in a good way. I don't see anything that can be improved, other than to just keep moving forward with it. Nice job! Feel free to e-mail me if you add more.
I think your overall book concept is sound. You have everything very well-structured like I would expect in a novel, and I could see this as a published book. I would suggest having a strong visual side to the book as well--maybe find a photographer that can capture some great shots for you that will go well with the poems.
I have a lot more background in fiction short stories than I do in poetry, so I'm probably not who you're needing to do the detailed poem by poem review from a technical/style standpoint. I think you've done a great job however from what I've seen browsing through the folders.
While I'm primarily a short story writer, I found some similarities in this philosophy you've presented for poetry. I think you've done an excellent job with this, and I like that you incorporated quotes from a wide variety of famous people in different fields including music, psychology, and physics. I usually try to find something in an item that I could suggest some improvement, but I honestly couldn't find anything in this. So I'm going to give you a well-deserved 5 stars.
Great job with this. At first it took me a moment to figure out what was going on, but that made the story interesting to follow--like being thrown in the middle of the situation and as a reader figuring it out with the characters. You were able to do a lot with relatively few words, but I think if you wanted to expand the story itself you could do that as well.
This kind of reminds me of a situation I got into at a previous job where I was doing the work of 2-3 people and getting paid $1 more an our than a new person off the street--that was frustrating, lol.
Personally I think the real key to financial success is doing something for yourself--even if you have to do it part-time with a full-time job.
Interesting article--my businesses don't really deal with this area, but I thought this was well-written and thought out. Word-of-mouth is definitely a big factor in any business, and I agree with you that it's worth taking the extra time to treat potential customers well when they have questions.
I thought this was an interesting article. I think it's great that you took a very challenging time in your life and turned it around for good. I personally don't know if I could fully imagine being in a similar situation. Great job on this!
You've done a wonderful job with this--it's a great story. I really like the imagery and how you carried the theme of Richard's limp (which traditionally would not be associated with a hero unless he'd been injured) throughout it. Your adventures somewhat reminded me of Scout in To Kill a Mockingbird.
Looking through it, I don't see any areas for improvement. 5 Stars.
I could definitely see this as an introductory chapter to a book. You've done a great job with descriptions and actions. As far as formatting, you may need to split up the paragraphs a little more. Mainly you just need to separate the dialogue from the description paragraphs, even if the character is only speaking one sentence or even one word.
I notice a few minor things you may want to look at:
"...the train I should have been on, leave the station."--don't need the comma between "on" and "leave"
"THREE WOMAN FOUND..."--Needs to be either "THIRD WOMAN FOUND..." or "THREE WOMEN FOUND..."
Nice job overall. If you want to contact me back after this is fixed, I'll up my rating. Have a great day!
Great story and use of the prompt. The 4th of July is one of my favorite holidays, and each year brings back memories of past events.
My only suggestion would maybe be a larger photo (though it may be the computer I'm on) and to maybe have the photo at the top or the bottom instead of the middle. I didn't want that to count off on the content rating however.
My great-aunt used to work for NASA from the 60s into the mid-80s, and I grew up getting a bunch of photos and stuff sent to me from the different offices around the country before they posted everything on the Internet. Anything related to the topic grabs my attention really quickly. I think this is the first space-related haiku I've ever seen.
Have a great night!
Tricia
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I really like the dialogue in this--it flows very nicely and sounds natural for the characters. This is a good chapter for letting readers getting to know main characters and establish how they relate to each other. I didn't see anything that could be corrected. Great job!
Tricia
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This is an interesting article. Probably the main suggestion I have is to break down the larger paragraphs into smaller ones--this just makes things easier to read on the web. The content is great.
I agree that there has to be a balance in management positions--there's more respect and understanding if the manager has done the frontline position prior to becoming a manger, but at the same time people should be trained to handle that position. Having been in management positions, in many cases you have to take the initiative to train yourself if the company don't do it for you.
Great job on this. Take care,
Tricia
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I relate with a lot that you're saying in this--and it carries over into college and a lot of the corporate world as well. Gifted children and adults have different needs, and a lot of the "boxes" that other people may find secure and comforting are often irritating to someone with a gifted thought process. That frustration is often mistaken for other things such as rebelling or arrogance, but it's just internal conflict of not wanting to be someone you're not.
Great article!
Take care,
Tricia
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This is really good--my only suggestion is that you can add more to it if you like. It seems to end too soon in a way, and I would definitely read on if you had more.
I like the way you captured the character and presented 100 years using very few words. Not everyone has the talent to be able to do that effectively.
Great job, and I'm looking forward to reading more of your work.
Nice list of credits! This is a very cool idea, especially if someone is setting up their portfolio for potential publishers and agents to review.
The only suggestion I have if you want to do it is to include links to your active website articles so people can read them. I've done that with some of my Ehow.com articles that I'm eventually going to group together into a book. Here's a link to the item if you want to take a look:
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I like playing with different ideas as far as marketing and promoting. It's hard to make a mistake, and I've had a lot of nice surprises come from just trial and error.
I think you did a great job with this overall. You blend everything together well as far as the time frame and carrying the imagery all the way through. You have room to go longer with it if you'd like.
You may want to consider bumping the contact rating up from E to ASR because you get a little detailed with the poison ivy situation, but I'm a little borderline on that myself.
I just noticed a couple of small things you may want to look at:
"pine- needled"--just need to take out the space.
"In the bathroom mirror I see my face. It’s..."--need to do a line space before this paragraph starts.
You make a great point with this. You may also consider adding something to the effect that children observe the behavior of their parents in general, not just their reaction to frustrations.
Cycles happen in families, both good and bad. I think we all need to realize the impacts from our own childhoods and take the good we learned and turn around any bad for the future of our own children. In this way, each generation has it a little better.
Great poem, and I like the way you have it tied to your story.
Something you may want to consider later on would be a website based on your book using a program called Flash. You can actually have graphics and items and have readers follow along trying to track down Lisa's location. The best example I can think of right now is one done for the show "Lost." The website is www.find815.com
I hope that's helpful. Great job with all of this!
This is really good overall--you have just the right amount of detail and your characters are well-defined. I would've kept reading if this was a first chapter of a book.
The only minor suggestion I have just involves formatting. It makes things a little easier on the web if you start everything from the left (don't indent) and put a line space between each paragraph and lines of dialogue.
One of the goals my husband and I have this year is to get completely out of debt, with possibly the exception of our student loans (those may take another year).
It is amazing how much debt has been marketed to my generation (I'm 24). It's causing a lot of people problems because we got them while we were young and didn't know any better. Most schools aren't teaching money management like they should, and a lot of colleges are even getting kick-backs for letting credit card companies target their students. Ignorance can definitely get you in a mess.
You should submit this to Dave Ramsey's website. He might post it.
Wow, it is crazy how you had me almost crying at the beginning of this and then break the whole illusion right in the middle of it. As a reader, I kind of got this knee-jerk, "Hey! Wait a minute!" moment. That's very creative.
Something that did trigger with me (which I think you may have done on purpose) was that some of the lines the couple were saying did not sound exactly like they would in a real-life situation. I think it was just the length. If you wanted to really mess with people, that would be the only area I would suggest looking at. Overall, you've done a great job with this. Do you plan to have it as part of a longer story?
Ouch! You're being really hard on yourself, aren't you? If somebody else had wrote this, I'd be rushing in to defend you right now! I don't know what to do when it's you, though...maybe say "bad you, quit being mean to you?"
We all have things we want to do but run out of time to do them. It happens. The best thing to do is focus on what's most important to you as goals and work your way through things from there.
Best wishes to you for 2008! Take care,
Tricia
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