Hello GG very happy, here is my Review for your story.
PLOT:
A teenager who has reached the age that allows him to go beyond his native world and explore earth and experiences air for the first time.
CHARACTERIZATION:
You to a wonderful job describing the character so the reader can get a feel for him and his thinkings and the emotional state he was in. He was fascinated, in awe, and happy that he got the chance to experiences air for the first time. His physical appearance was discovered as well as his companions, which makes the reader visualize the group. Nicely done.
FLOW
The story moved at a very nice pace, information of the main character and his fellow travelers was given early on for the reader to get good background info then the stories purpose is given (the new discoveries) and the emotional state of the child is revealed. It flowed logically and dramatically.
SPELLING/ GRAMMAR/ SUGGESTIONS:
I noticed no spelling or grammar issues and I have no suggestions for this well written story.
OVERALL THOUGHTS
It connects with the reader on a personal level because it points to two message; one is to not take things that we consider small for granted. Air is natural for us, so its not one of the things that most of us wake up and say "thank you" to, but we should. It also helps us see that "you dont miss a good thing until its gone" or in this case, you can appreciate a good thing when you have it. I love stories that focus on life, its maintenance, and dependence, this story contains all these things.
Hello GG very happy, here is my Review for you story.
PLOT:
Flast Fiction story written for a prompt about a young girl who is suffering low self esteem, continues to see only the bad points of her.
CHARACTERIZATION:
The way this young girl sees herself is so sad and you express her desire to be different with such vivid words, the reader is touched almost to tears. The pressure she is faced in home life as well as school is over powering her. Great job building characters in this piece, each one of them are so real for me. The father's non supportive ways, the mother encouraging voice, and a little girl who is afraid of being herself because of how society she should look.
FLOW
The story moves along in a logical way, that allows the reader to see the typical day for this depressed child. You build up the readers feeling then they explode with sadness at the end knowing that it is like this for so many children.
SPELLING & GRAMMAR:
I noticed no spelling errors and the grammar was perfect.
OVERALL THOUGHTS
I would have loved to see this story end in a happy manner, but that it doesnt brings a certain "realness" to it because in real life there are not always fairytale endings. Very well written and touching piece.
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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~Type and/or Purpose~
A contest that the participants draw up education plans for those who home school.
~Mechanics~
I noticed no spelling, grammar, or punctuation errors. Your use of limited WDC ML tags worked well this theme of this contest, its uniformed set up gives it s professional look.
~Content~
The rules are clearly explained in the forums and the prizes are fantastic.
~Suggestions~
I could find no suggestion, everything is well put together, explained, and executed.
~Overall~
I think this is a very unique activity that will help many of the homeschooling parents out there. Good luck with it.
Good luck with your entry
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VOICE & TONE:
The voice is motivating; one that could be preachy but with just enough power that it does bore but instead encourages. The tone was strong and pleading; asking all to think before they speak.
FORM:
You followed the form perfectly, each of the seven lines following the title/ first line starts with the same letter as the title.
RHYME & RHYTHM:
The rhyme pattern in this poem was very unique and I think its worked well with the form. Though its normal for the Pleiades not to have a rhyme pattern, you took the form and made it your own. The flow was wonderful and smooth; allowing the reader to consume the words and be wrapped in them. Nicely done.
IMAGERY:
The words you choose to use for this poem show the magnitude that our spoken and written words have on others and ourselves; great job. Not only does it give the reader some to think about but it also shows in clear wording what speaking lies can do to the soul. Great job!
SPELLING & PUNCTUATION:
I noticed no spelling errors. I would have to suggest that you consider adding a few comma's in the piece to allow the reader to take appropriate pauses. Such as in the third line from the bottom, place a comma after the word "Winsome"; I think doing this will give greater impact through the pause.
OVERALL THOUGHTS:
I love the message in this poem, it one that needs to be heard by children and adults alike. Our words are powerful and can literal destroy or build up a person; your poem expresses that through vivid words that speak to the reader on a personal level.
It has been a pleasure reading your entry, winners will be announced soon. I hope to see your entry in the next Round, which is to compose a Quizaine Poem.
VOICE & TONE:
The tone of this poem is threatening, as it points out how time is not on our side and runs out rather quickly. The voice is from someone who is wishing there was more time to get on with life. Very well done with composing a poem of such a deserving subject.
FORM:
You followed the form of the Pleiades perfectly, each of the seven lines after the title start with the same letter as the title. The consistency in the syllables for each line is appreciated, as it compliments the form wonderfully.
RHYME & RHYTHM:
No rhyme pattern in this poem as is normal with this type of poetry. The rhythm was very harmonious, due largely to the syllable structure and good fitting words that give such a smooth flow. Great Job.
IMAGERY:
Wonderful words comprise this poem and make the reader think about how short life is and that it is constantly being measured by time. Good choice words in this poem that vividly express the message. Excellent work!
SPELLING:
No spelling errors in this poem.
OVERALL THOUGHTS:
I enjoyed reading this poem, it made me think and I like that. You followed the form perfectly and choose a good topic that works well with such a poetry form.
It has been a pleasure reading your entry, winners will be announced soon. I hope to see your entry in the next Round, which is to compose a Quizaine Poem.
PLOT:
A daughter who is expecting "unfinished business" from her mother finds out that she has finally completed something she tried to carry out.
CHARACTERIZATION:
Wonderful job building up the personality of the mother and the relationship she and her daughter have. The mother seems to be a busy body; always into something. Her daughter sounds frustrated that she doesnt complete anything she ever starts but then when she visits her mom, she realized that she has completed her first and last task. The characters are believable; another good job with supporting characters as well.
FLOW
The story was written in logical order. You take the reader on a nice journey of the life of the main characters mother and how she starts things without completing them then on a visit to the mothers shocking home, more is revealed to what her latest "hobby" was not completed. The ending sentiments was astonishing, I was shocked but it fit the story so well. Great Job.
SPELLING & GRAMMAR:
I noticed no spelling or grammar errors.
OVERALL THOUGHTS
Wow, I am still in a state of shock over this ending. You do a great job building the suspense of the reader and then delivering a powerful ending.
Hello Scarlett, Here is my review for your Prose piece.
VOICE & TONE:
This piece is from the voice of some carefully looking at the things that most of us go through growing up, that make us insecure or frightened, then ultimately how that plays out on our lives and eventually our deaths. The tone tone was a combination of fright, comedy (this could just be me) and thought provoking.
LINE & STANZA STRUCTURE:
The formation of this piece is put together well, you stay consistent in your line arrangements, which make it a very uniformed write. I like how each are arranged according to different aspects of growing up and the thoughts related to each stage.
IMAGERY:
Very good imagery, you good words that help the reader understand the feeling and visuals that you are talking about. Very well written.
SPELLING:
I noticed no spelling errors.
OVERALL THOUGHTS:
I really enjoyed this, I thought it was a good subject backed up by supporting facts of life. I could see the dreariness in it, but I also chuckled at times as I remembered the things I've been through myself.
PLOT:
A women visits the grave site of someone whose death she has avenged, someone who plays an important role in her past...and future.
CHARACTERIZATION:
Good details that provide the reader with personality traits of the women and Maria's husband. The characters are believable and support the story in such as way as you could visualize them acting this scene out.
FLOW
The story flows in a logical order. I like that it starts off at the grave site of Maria, then the reader is given a quick easy flowing flash back of a few important events in Maria's life. There was no confusion, I could stay in tune with the story throughout the write.
SPELLING & GRAMMAR:
I noticed no spelling or grammar errors.
OVERALL THOUGHTS
This story was exciting from beginning to end. I was wondering the whole time, who is she going to see? How was she related to the dead woman? What did she do? All of these things kept me glued to the screen and then to discover so many fascinating parts of the story, I was blown away. Great job with this; every consider a full story?
PLOT:
A women is made to think she needs to be perfect to fit in the life of her "perfect" husband. Then she finally reaches her last straw and ends her husband "perfect" rein.
CHARACTERIZATION:
You do a great job creating the characters in this story. It seemed like a nice relationship between the two while in college, then he changed or revealed his true self. The husband was a very picky and self centered. The wife was a very strong loving wife, only wanting to be appreciated and respected. She catered to her husband's every need and wish even being insulted over and over again, until she reached a point where enough was enough. They are both made into real life characters, where I could feel the stress the wife was undergoing and the rudeness of her husband. Wonderfully done.
FLOW
The story was in a logical order which allowed me to have a smooth read through the life of these characters. The ending was surely a shocker but you did a great job building up the story to that point.
SPELLING & GRAMMAR:
I noticed no spelling errors. I do have a couple of suggestions that you are free to use as you see fit.
In the line that reads, "Ask him I want to scream." I think this needs either a comma or more detail. Perhaps: "Ask him! All I want to do is scream" or "Ask him...I just want to scream"
In the line that reads, "Frank and I enjoyed a whirlwind romance at university and..." consider changing "univerisity" to "college" or rewording the sentence; it sounds awkward with just "at university"; "at the university we attended together", maybe, but not just plain "university".
In the line that reads, " It was not, as I’d imagined a marriage made in heaven, more in error." The punctuation in this needs correction, I think. Something about it reads weird. Consider the following instead: "It was not, as I'd imaged, a marriage made in heaven. Made more in error."
OVERALL THOUGHTS
This was another nice story that I really enjoyed. The amount of exciting situations the reader unfolds while reading is outstanding. I had a mixture of emotions while reading this; frustration, shocking, angry, just to name a few but they made for a good read.
Hello wrigs, Here is my review for your entry in the
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VOICE & TONE:
The voice of this poem is from someone who is thinking of past communications with someone on a not so happy note. The tone is sad and dramatic.
LINE & STANZA STRUCTURE:
The first line of the poem works well with enticing someone to read it. A good portion of the poems lines end in non visual words which makes the reader hang on them instead of a smooth transition into the next line. The last line of the poem was well thought out, it gives closer to the subjects ultimate decision: thinking they have no worth. Though the thought is not "nice" itself, but the thought it provokes in the reader works nice with the rest of the poem.
RHYME & RHYTHM:
No rhyme pattern in this poem, but Free Verse. The flow was nice as all of the lines were structured in a fashion as to contain a similar amount of syllables.
IMAGERY w/ relation to the prompt:
I thought the imagery was not as strong as it could have been in this poem. There are very few lines that I could see or relate to an image of "acceptance". You tell the reader what is going on, but as far as visuals, I could not connect with any picture. In relation to the prompt, I do not believe the poem to be directly or indirectly related to the prompt, which called for a poem describing how you have removed unwanted creatures living in your backyard or how you have learned to coexist with them.
SPELLING:
I noticed no spelling errors.
OVERALL THOUGHTS:
My opinions on this poem are on its written merit but not in relation to the contest as I feel the point of the contest was missed.
VOICE & TONE:
This poem has a very strong, enlightening tone as you focus on the choice that we have to choice how to live out of lives. The voice is from someone who wishes to set the record straight, its filled with passion and desire to better things and/or people.
FORM:
You remained on target with the form, all of the lines contained the proper amount of words.
RHYME & RHYTHM:
No rhyme pattern in this form which is normal for the Pi Poem. The rhythm was so smooth, I didnt notice any of the end lines, it was very well composed to focus the readers on other things besides its flow. Very well done.
IMAGERY:
Great words used in this poem which are very expressive and give the reader a clear look at this state. I like the double meaning in the 1st line, as it gives the thought of someone lurking in wait or someone telling a fib; great job using poetic devices to enhance your poem. I love the line, "Liquid courage" that was very strong and aided the poem in getting the message across. Excellent job.
SPELLING:
I noticed no spelling errors
OVERALL THOUGHTS:
I enjoyed this poem of the changes that people make when they are under the influence of mind altering things. I thought the poem at a whole was very original and well written. A great compliment to the Pi Poem.
It has been a pleasure reading your entry, winners will be announced soon. I hope to see your entry in the next Round, which is to compose a Pleiades Poem.
VOICE & TONE:
LINE & STANZA STRUCTURE:
The first line of this poem is excellent, in it you have provided a world of imagery. This line draws the reader in while it sets them up for the basis of the poem. The small line size of the poem convey tension, this allows the reader to see and feel the excitement of the fireworks. Each of your stanza take a different subject to focus on allowing the reader to take in all in at at different times throughout the write.
RHYME & RHYTHM:
The poem read very smoothly, I enjoyed the rhyme pattern of a,b,c,b. The rhyming was consistent and there was no hesitation which allowed for a nice read.
IMAGERY & RELATION TO PROMPT:
Good imagery throughout, the reader can actually take a break from their usual and go into this exciting poem and see the fireworks and feel the happiness that such an event brings.
SPELLING:
I noticed no spelling errors in this poem.
OVERALL THOUGHTS:
I thought this was a very well written piece. The image that it brought to mind makes me miss the 4th and the fireworks it brings...not to mention the food.
It has been a pleasure reading your entry, I hope you will join us in the next round. Remember you can enter the contest, receiving 200 GP's and a detailed review, every month until you have been a member of WDC for six months.
VOICE & TONE:
This poem has a sad tone and the voice is from someone who is missing a part of them on a special day.
LINE & STANZA STRUCTURE:
The first line was nice and used a nice metaphor which draws the reader into the poem. The long lines of the poem convey a message of strong emotions. Most of the lines ended in strong words which allow the reader to smoothly mend into the next line. The end line was nicely done and finally incorporated something from the prompt.
RHYME & RHYTHM:
No rhyme pattern in this poem. While your line structure was well organized the flow was a bit obscured. I hesitated during most of the read, It read more like prose as it told a vivid story and didnt contain to many poetic devices.
IMAGERY & RELATION TO PROMPT:
The imagery was nice for what you were trying to accomplish with the subjects relationship however in relation to the prompt, I did not see anything related to the patriotic holiday except in the very last line of the poem.
SPELLING:
I noticed no spelling errors.
OVERALL THOUGHTS:
I thought for a different prompt contest, this poem would be nice. I do think you should do some editing of the piece in order for it to reach its full potential.
It has been a pleasure reading your entry, I hope you will join us in the next round. Remember you can enter the contest, receiving 200 GP's and a detailed review, every month until you have been a member of WDC for six months.
~Type and/or Purpose~
A very unique auction which not only has cool images but educates the reader about each images character.
~Mechanics~
I noticed no spelling errors and punctuation was used well, I did however notice a few grammar errors, that can be easily corrected. Its nothing that causing this wonderful auction to deteriorate, but it would enhance its professionalism.
In the line, "This auction would hopefully serve as a normal auction, a source of information in Norse mythology, and a book (comic?) review." - I think "would" should be "will"
In the line, "That’s why I make this a 25/75 auction." - I think this would sound much better as "That's why this is a 25/75 auction." There is something about the word "make", that's throwing me off.
In the line, "The auction would be updated every 10 days." - "would" should be "will".
~Content~
The purpose and rules of the auction are made clear. The images themselves are very nice, visual, and appealing. The including background of each of the images is great. I have never seen an auction like this, very creative and unique.
~Suggestions~
This is rather a comment and question/suggestion. This auction seems a little old by the open/close dates, do you plan on opening this up again? The last auction ended March 2005.
~Overall~
I think this is a great auction, which I hope to see running again. It surely stands out from the rest, making it a one of a kind auction.
Good luck with your entry
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~Type and/or Purpose~
A contest that literally prepares future authors with putting their manuscripts together.
~Mechanics~
The grammar was good and clear for anyone to understand. Most of the spelling was on target, however I did notice the following typos/spelling errors.
In the line that states, "3. Store your book in either a book type or (for those who aren't uprgaded)" - "uprgaded" should be "upgraded"
In the line that states, "Lots of technial help, and the hosting of the group!" - "technial" should be "technical"
~Content~
The set up and guidelines are clearly stated and convey exactly what needs to take place for each person to participate in the contest. The break down of each round is very nicely put. The judging process is explained well and the deadline clearly stated.
~Suggestions~
Fixing the spelling on two of the words will keep the professionalism of this contest strong.
~Overall~
I really like this contest, I think it is encouraging and helpful to unpublished authors who may not know what the process details and gives the head start. Good luck with future rounds.
Good luck with your entry
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~Type and/or Purpose~
To create a multi-poet ongoing limerick in the form of an In & Out.
~Mechanics~
I love your use of WDC ML tags, it makes the activity so welcoming and easy to understand - with the bulleted items. I noticed no grammar or spelling errors. Punctuation was use effectively for a smooth understanding of the activities purpose.
~Content~
This is a creative In & Out, as you allow multiple writers to join into to create a never ending Limerick you challenge the poet. That the have the choice of posting one of two lines provides flexibility, which is excellent as some poets may run out of thoughts while others may be compelled to do more.
~Suggestions~
I can see nothing that needs to be changed to enhance this activity. It is fun and interesting already, as well as well thought out and implemented.
~Overall~
A fun activity stretching the minds of poets of all different poetic backgrounds, one so helpful that even story writers could participate in and enjoy.
Good luck with your entry
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Hello John Kirkland, here is my review for your entry.
VOICE & TONE:
The tone of this poem is sympathetic as you go on to show the birth and death of man.
FORM:
While most of the lines are on target with the form, line five has one to many words. This line has six words and the form calls for five. I think this can be corrected by changing the line to, "First sound of made by life". The remaining lines are in harmony with the Pi form.
RHYME & RHYTHM:
No rhyme pattern in this poem which is normal for Pi poems. The rhythm was nice and smooth throughout.
IMAGERY:
The imagery for this poem was nice, as its aim was more to give a message rather than see an image. I saw the most imagery in the first couple of lines than I did in the remainder of the poem. I think a little more could be added, however I like that most of it is at the end of the line which gradually takes the reader to the next thought.
SPELLING:
I noticed no spelling errors.
OVERALL THOUGHTS:
I liked the meaning of this poem and how it goes through ones life and their perceptions. I think its kinda deep, good job! If the correction are made regarding the form, this will be a very nice Pi poem.
It has been a pleasure reading your entry, winners will be announced soon. I hope to see your entry in the next Round, which is to compose a Pleiades Poem.
~Type and/or Purpose~
In and Out based on a popular TV show, where contest are to act out or rather "write out" to a posted question.
~Mechanics~
I noticed no spelling or grammar errors and punctuation was used correctly. Everything was well written with no mistakes, allowing for a professional activity.
~Content~
The directions of the activity are clear and to the point. Everything that is necessary for the In & Out to flow smoothly is included in the directions.
~Suggestions~
There are a few incorrectly typed member links. The bitem format is either incorrect, the member user name is incorrect, or the member does not exist anymore. If the members are still on the site, I think this should be corrected to give credit to those who's "comments" they are.
~Overall~
I think this is a very unique In & Out, I love the show so naturally I'm going to appreciate this activity. Good idea to do this and I wish you well with its future submission.
Good luck with your entry
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VOICE & TONE:
This poem has a spiritual tone as you take a look at the journey of Mary Magdalene and the essence of that time period. You remain consistent in your tone as the narrator tries to get her to see the events to come.
FORM:
While most of the lines are on target with the Pi Poem, the tenth line has five lines when it should only have three and line eleven has three when it should have five. Also there is an additional line in the Poem, the Pi should only sixteen lines, your poem has seventeen. It appears that you have two five word lines back to back, one of these lines should be deleted.
RHYME & RHYTHM:
No rhyme pattern in this poem, which is normal of the Pi Poem. The flow was very smooth, you carry the reader on a harmonious read. The end lines are used very well, as they tell a story they grip the reader and maintain their attention with a smooth well constructed melody.
IMAGERY:
The poem is visual as it tells this story, you use good pieces of history that allow the reader to remember these events through past readings.
SPELLING:
I noticed no spelling errors.
OVERALL THOUGHTS:
This was a nice poem, I especially liked the subject. I think if the changes are made with regard to the lines, the poem will be a wonderful Pi. If changes are made, please let me know and I will gladly read and re-rate.
It has been a pleasure reading your entry, winners will be announced soon. I hope to see your entry in the next Round, which is to compose a Pleiades Poem.
Hello , Here is a review for you on behalf of "Invalid Item"
VOICE & TONE:
This has a fun spooky tone to it, as you enlighten the reader with images of halloween. You remain consistent in a joyful tone throughout the poem. While you pointed out the mystery in halloween you did it in a fun way.
LINE & STANZA STRUCTURE:
The first line packed so much imagery and essence of halloween it was fantastic. This one line draws the reader in and prepares them for the creepiness within. The fact that each of your lines ends with a good descriptive word is wonderful as it allows the reader to hold onto to that image instead of the line break or just hanging...waiting for another moment, good smooth transition from each line to the next. The small line lengths provides the reader with excitement, great job with line composition - shows that you worked with your lines letting them better enhance the poem. I like the way you ended it,it has an interesting twist. While you work the reader up, you bring them down in a soothing manner, like you do with a show if telling them a story; you make sure they know that its fiction. Very well done, I liked that a lot.
RHYME & RHYTHM:
No rhyme pattern but an overall smooth flow, it sounded like a story you would tell while sitting around a camp fire. Your line breaks give the reader a chance to pause just when its needed. Good job with composing a rhythmic poem.
IMAGERY
The words you use compliment the halleween theme the poem has, they were dark, exciting, and visual. Each line gives the reader more insight on this day and the things that go bump in the night.
SPELLING:
I noticed no spelling errors.
OVERALL THOUGHTS:
I enjoyed this very much, kind of has me waiting for this years events, I get a kick out of seeing all the children play dress up. A very descriptive, harmonious poem.
VOICE & TONE:
The voice of this poem is of someone who is alone in a bad situation and they have been mislead by one they trust. The tone is mild and pleading, as if they are trying to shed light on a bad situation and seeking help.
FORM:
You followed the form perfectly, remaining within the targeted words per line.
RHYME & RHYTHM:
The flow of this poem is very nice, its smooth and it doesnt take away from the words; each line arranged in a way to draw attention to the meaning instead of having the reader stuck on the form or the line breaks. Wonderful job provided a very nice rhythmic poem.
IMAGERY:
Vivid imagery throughout the poem, each line either provides the reader with a picture or thought of one who is being taken advantage of and they are lost, recognizing the wrong of the other. Your use descriptive words which allow the reader to relate to the poem.
SPELLING:
I noticed no spelling errors.
OVERALL THOUGHTS:
Very well composed poem Kiya, you have taken the Pi poem and made it your own. I really loved how you connected the single word lines with the rest of the poem; these words were like bridges connected the different aspects of the poem together, allowing the reader to see a clear picture. I do think the poem could be enhanced by the use of punctuation, allowing the reader to see the change of events.
It has been a pleasure reading your entry, winners will be announced soon. I hope to see your entry in the next Round, which is to compose a Pleiades Poem.
VOICE & TONE:
The tone of this poem is of equally balanced between pleasure and terror, as you compare the beauty that can be in a dream and the pain that is felt in nightmares. You remain consistent in the voice and tone.
LINE & STANZA STRUCTURE:
The first line of the poem gives its subject and its one that is always fascinating to learn how we perceive our subconscious selves. The next line is done very well as you give insight as to what the dream is like. The next line, is not quite on form with a Diamante form; this line should be two words that describe the first line and two words that describe the last line. I like the use of the word "pulse" in this line, so keeping it in there would be great, but you need three other words to go along. The next line is very vivid as you describe the last line, it provides a clear image for the reader of what a nightmare does. And the last line, of course, is perfect as it is the opposite of "dreams".
RHYME & RHYTHM:
No rhyme pattern in the Diamante form, but the rhythm was nice due to the words used in the poem.
IMAGERY
Superb imagery throughout the poem, your choice of words allow the reader to see for themselves what dreams and nightmares are like, reminding us of which is better to have.
SPELLING:
I noticed no spelling errors.
OVERALL THOUGHTS:
You've composed a very nice poem here, Steph, I think if you update that one line, it will be a truly perfect Diamante poem.
VOICE & TONE:
This voice of this poem is coming from someone who is happy and appreciative with the things in their life. The tone is delicate and calm, allowing the reader to feel refreshed in its words.
LINE & STANZA STRUCTURE:
The first line gives the reader a clear picture of the atmosphere and allows them to set up for the remainder of the read. It draws the reader in with a calmness that settles the soul, actually the whole poem does. The length of your lines help to convey an image as well as thought. The focus is on painting a beautiful picture for the reader so they will see the beauty of the relationship. The ending line sums up for the reader the true purpose of the poem and it does so in a wonderful way. I loved how you ended this poem.
RHYME & RHYTHM:
I thought I sensed a rhyme pattern in certain stanza and then in others I didnt, I think only the second stanza was missing a rhyme pattern. I think if that stanza was arranged in the same way as the others - with some rhyme pattern it would work really well with the poem, just for consistency. Otherwise the poem flowed nicely, it provided a smooth read.
IMAGERY
Wonderful imagery throughout the poem. This poem is very visual, each line brings the reader closer to a splendid place. Your use of lively words bring the poem to life. Great job!
SPELLING:
I noticed no spelling errors.
OVERALL THOUGHTS:
This is a very nice poem, well worded to provide the reader with a clear glorious image of appreciation and love. I think the reconstruction of the second stanza would enhance the overall impact of the poem and provide a more harmonious flow.
PLOT:
This chapter gets into the conflict of how Phoenix is trying to control the new kid and stop him before he gets any more out of control. He is the school bully and wants the new kid to respect him.
CHARACTERIZATION:
For the most part all of the characters are believable and you can make out their different personalities. You give good visuals as to facial expressions and body language which helps this reader make out the different characters. I would only work on the teacher, who has a small role in this chapter, but it is still needed to make the distinction from the teachers personality and the attitudes of the students, I get into more detail about this later on under suggestions below.
FLOW
The story moved in a logical manner, taking the reader from the playground of the previous chapter through the hallway to the classroom where the chapter ends. You do this very well and allow the reader to stay on track with the story.
SPELLING & GRAMMAR:
When Phoenix heard that new rumor being whispered, he had to smile. Consider changing “that” to “the”, I think the line would read much better.
They were all anxious to tell everyone that it wasn't them who had been with the boy who was considered 'social suicide'. You should change this sentence to speak of only one person, since you are talking only about one cheerleader as expressed in the third line. Consider the following: “She was very anxious to tell everyone that it was not her who had been with the boy who was considered “social suicide”.
Of course, Phoenix was depending on her believing him and if she didn't, he'd just have to change tactics. Consider removing “tactics” from the end of this sentence. It’s a little confusing and not necessary as the sentence already gets the message across without it.
He had given up that act, taking Phoenix's advice on one thing Consider deleting this, its not needed to move the story forward and anyone who has read the first chapter knows “the one thing” that he told him.
He also knew that this girl would be the only person to understand him at all. Consider deleting this, its not necessary and causing the reader to hesitate while reading it.
"Ah, a new kid," the teacher, Mr. Jackson commented. Consider changing the word “kid” here to “student”, as it would go to distinguish the students dialect from the teachers. This will also make the characters more believable as there are more teachers who would say “student” as apposed to those who would say “kid”
VOICE & TONE:
The voice of this poem is educational, as it compares the movement of man with the sun stands still. The tone is mellow and happy as it talks of the beautify of the seasons.
FORM:
You followed the form of the Pi Poem perfectly, each line has the correct amount of words. It is complimented by your use of punctuation, which provides the reader with a smooth read for this style. Very nicely done.
RHYME & RHYTHM:
No rhyme pattern. The rhythm was very harmonic, the lines seem to move and stand still equally which compliment the meaning of the poem very well. Wonderful Job providing the reader with a smooth flowing poem.
IMAGERY:
The imagery was here in this poem, the reader could visual the sun and see how the season change. The lines that were not filled with imagery worked to move the poem along. Well done.
SPELLING:
I noticed no spelling errors.
OVERALL THOUGHTS:
I enjoyed this poem and the image that it gave me. You have composed a nice Pi poem that have left a picture engraved in my mind.
It has been a pleasure reading your entry, winners will be announced soon. I hope to see your entry in the next Round, which is to compose a Pleiades Poem.
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