I like both version one and three. One is a perfect first part of a short story and three, the conclusion. By the way... very well told tales...well done. Keep it up.
It's quite good, I like the flow and although I have no idea who the narrator is,you give me a hunger to find out... I find myself asking...is there more? Overall I like it.Well done.
I like commas! Commas are a break that makes the piece more readable. This is also a well written piece.
Remember the difference between a cat and a comma....
A Cat has claws after its paws...
A Comma's a pause after a clause....
Nice, Needs a good edit though. Start each line, where possible, with a capital. i.e Lines 1, 6, 9, 11, and 15.
Commas after 2, 3, 9
Missing a couple of capitals as well.
The piece shows good form and meter, and is both easy and enjoyable to read. I enjoyed it, well done.
Good. This is a sentiment that most of us can relate to. People meet for Christmas to de-stress and this meeting can cause even greater stress. Light and nice.
Lovely. The piece is well structured and a lovely piece overall. I love the line "robbing me of her time". Perhaps we all come to realize that, as parents, our own didn't do as bad a job as we once thought. I believe you handle the subject well and I fully enjoyed reading it... to the point where I hope to read you again.
Well done.
Ok, where to start. Punctuation is a problem and this hampers the flow, a couple of commas would even help. The core story is good and your use of imagery excellent. The ending is good. The problems that you have are minor and correctable. If you write a book a good editor will fillet your work but you do need practice, read more and write more and polish what you have written. Good luck and I hope to read more from you.
This is an excellent and informative piece, I live in Ireland and our Postal service stopped selling International Reply Coupons about fifteen years ago,I try to sent my writing via eMail and this is an increasingly popular method, so that's good. The structure and tips for the letter and tips about correct forms of address are VG.
This is quite dated and that is the beauty of it.I can relate to this as I was 18 in 81'. This scans well and captures the sense of fear which is often forgotten but exists in youth, often sheathed in Bravado. It captures the innocence and trust well and I like it. I hope your life has worked out and you are happy. Well done!
Wow! I read through volumes like swimming through porridge but this is excellent. It is reminiscent of Janis Ian "At Seventeen". Don't change a word. Well done.
I could not accurately critique this work because it is too raw,too powerful. It is excellent and exposes everything poetry should. It is clearly from the heart and is superbly expressed.There are problems with scan but if anything this adds to the writer's vulnerability. Well done and keep it up. Don't change a word.
Ok, Where do I start... Your opinions are well stated. Grammar and punctuation needs a good look over/edit. "This is how that needs fixed." I disagree with many of your points...for many people crime is a choice and not something forced upon them... Lack of deferred gratification can, at an extreme level,permit a section of the population to initiate a series of actions that are repugnant to the majority. You make an excellent point about the use of polygraphs and there are techniques to pass such a test. I would advise you to study form and grammar and, most important, to keep writing and reading. With more time you will achieve higher scores. Well done and keep it up.
Brilliant, can't be by a nine year old!! A child's perspective on money, presents, excitement and the need not to forget history. Very strong, well done.
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