Max, thanks for sending me the link to this. I have now read it and, overall, I enjoyed it.
A couple of things I would like to mention as follows:
I appreciate that this is the first chapter of your book, but I miss having any back-story about either Kevin or Khalid or, them as a couple. Maybe you intend to introduce this later as flashback (which is entirely valid). Failing that, I have no handle on Khalid or who he was. I need to know the characters in order to care about them.
Secondly, it might work better if Kevin comes along to find Khalid already dead and crowd around him. More dramatic and mysterious, maybe?
Anyway, good work so far.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/djkc
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.21 seconds at 2:55pm on Apr 25, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
