I loved your story! I laughed the whole way through it! Seriously? Seriously?? The curse of the 'always late' for everything has also been bestowed on me. The whole scene, the loss of your sandwich, the pretty girl, and the body? Wow, great story :)
I like the conversational style of your writing. I love the pictures you painted with your words. I was 'right there', mourning over your sandwich, hearing the inconsiderate jerk behind you, the part where you describe your interest in JJ, 'I turn and give the guy the chin flick, like: quit buggin’ me here; I’m working." too funny:)
Thanks for sharing your story, your humor. I like your style!
I love your sense of humor and can relate to the stranger in the mirror. It does sneak up on us, doesn't it? Hahaha! I can't even decide on a favorite line because they are all my favorite :) I could definitely relate to the line "I’ll struggle to breathe or bend over, but they’ll keep all the flab trapped inside." I have a whole section in my closet for 'fat hider' clothes :)
I guess we should be grateful to be here and that is what I always tell myself when I start feeling bad about middle age and getting older. It beats the alternative (which is not to be here at all!) Thanks for sharing your fun and humorous poem.
I know I am breaking your clear and defined rules of 'Just for Men', but I had to take a peek! And I am sooo glad I did! I am laughing...still! That was hilarious ;) This aging thing is new territory for me too, and I haven't made any attempts yet to recapture my sex appeal, but this really makes me think twice about taking matters into my own hands. Hahaha!
Loved this story and your comical presentation. I loved the use of comparing to yourself to 'Moe' and 'Spock' and the description of your hair dresser, ' a woman with cropped purple hair and earrings in just about every penetrable part of her body. Her big bright red lips pursed, as she chewed a big wad of pink double bubble gum'. I was laughing too hard to notice any technical errors, they could be there, but who cares
Thanks for sharing your story and giving me a good belly laugh today.
Another winner! I am delighted to read your life.... I think you have sparked an avalanche of emotions within me today. I can't seem to stop weeping as I read your moving poetry.
Wow, I am touched. Not any technical advice here, your gift has blinded my eyes to any possible errors.
Angels shared this piece with me too. Aaaaah, my chin is quivering....tears are spilling over...sorrow fills my heart....again.....
I lost my mother in December 2011. It is still fresh and, in fact, my brother and I were just discussing our mom yesterday. The familiar sorrow and regret. I was sharing how I wish she was here to see my pursue my long-delayed dream of writing.... As an avid reader and trained and published poet, she told me I had talent.
You have captured my own pain, sorrow, and feeling of loss in your words. Does the loneliness ever abate? There is nothing like the loss of a mother who loved us so well.
Thank you for giving my sorrow the written words that are etched in my heart.
Your story was recommended to me by a mutual friend, Angels in my ears. I loved your Granny transformation. I have recently made the 'Grammie' transformation too! And the battle? Hahaha! Yes, I am in the midst of the 'fight against time' also :)
I was especially touched by the waiting room scene as it is also what I experienced with my daughter. And again, my daughter lives too many miles away to be close enough to see my new little grandson on a regular basis. I watch him grow via facebook! But the joy, the joy of holding him for the first time, the confidential whispering in his little ear, these special moments are seared into my memory by a love that is all new.
I loved the content of your piece, the memories of your grandmothers, and hearing of your own transformation. It is a wonderful story :)
I did notice some run-on sentences, punctuation errors, and the like, but I am assuming this is a work-in-progress in the technical department. I am sure once you are able to correct these items, your story will be even better!
Thank you for sharing this fun and growing experience. I am right there with you girlfriend!
Ok, now I have goosebumps! I read the 'Silver' poem which prompted me to read more of your work. I am glad you 'set her free again' and gave her 'wings to sing her melody'. Awesome :)
Thank you again for sharing your work! I loved this one too!!
I can clearly see why you were asked to edit poetry. Wow! I LOVED this poem. It is powerful and beautiful. It made me smile the whole time I read it and it left me with a very happy feeling.
You have a unique gift I think :) I am by no means a poetry expert, and truthfully, have never been a big poetry fan. (sorry) But this poem could make me a fan! Really, really, really good :)
Thank you for sharing your work and for creating a new fan.
I enjoyed your story. It made me laugh! I wonder if momma taught her daughter to cook with some 'special' ingredients?
One of the things I have learned in the short time I have been on this site is to condense my paragraphs. I often write like you and have many paragraphs which I have learned from others, can distract the reader. I wonder if you might try putting some of your paragraphs together? You might get more readers?
The other point I am wondering about is the voice of the narrator. She seems to be from the south or something. Her speech does not sound like the speech of a young woman who would be courted by rich and powerful men. Of course, I do not run in the circle of the rich and famous, so my assumption may be wrong. Just a thought.
I like the concept of elaborating and making this legend your own. It is a creative idea, however, I think it sounds too much like the original to be uniquely "Krisina".
It is a great start and a great idea, I think you should add some more verses which would describe what ugly evil wolf does and what the kind wolf does. For instance: The evil wolf taunts the boy with the limp or the kind wolf reminds the child to share his drink with a thirsty friend.
Those are just random ideas, but I think it would make the poem more your own creation than a repeat of someone else's. Add a little creative twist to this poem and I think you will have a winner!!
I enjoyed your story. I agree! Laughter doeth good like medicine. Your story is filled with insights into enjoying life more fully. Although we have different approaches to our connection with, as you put it 'the Divine', I believe we share a common discovery of truth laughter is important for emotional stability.
Thank you for the very thorough explanation of sending queries. I am hoping to eventually publish some of my work and now I feel I have the correct tools to pursue that goal. It was good to know what to do as well as what not to do.
I love this poem! Your use of words is very expressive and I am 'right there' with you! I can see, I can feel everything.... I think that is very difficult to accomplish with a short poem. Although I am not a poetry expert, I think this is a winner!!
Wow....this is a very well-written story. I am excited to continue as you post more of this story. I am soooo curious to find out what is going on and why Anna has taken the boy. Why did she use deadly force to take him captive? Why? why? why?
Those are the questions that keep the reader turning the pages. You have me hooked! Keep writing :)
Again, there some minor punctuation and possible spelling problems. Don't you think "Cherokee jeep' should be 'Cherokee Jeep'? I think using the proper noun for the name would be appropriate. I don't have time to list the other minor problems I saw. But again, they are minor and do not affect the story, only the ease of the reader. Of course, many people may not notice, but I am a little more attuned to these types of errors because of my education and love for writing.
I think you have the beginnings of a great story and I hope you will be encouraged to continue to complete the story :) If you are interested, I will at a later date give you the details of the minor problems I found. I know after reading my own writing many times, I sometimes miss these type of errors.
Yes!! The suspense continues and my interest is still completely on this story!!! I love it.
I did notice a few minor punctuation errors, a few missed commas and a couple of places that the word "of" appeared and it seemed that 'or' would have been the correct word. This was a minor defect, but it did interrupt the flow of my reading. I had to go back and read the sentence again to make sure I was comprehending the sentence as I perceived.
Check that out and I think it will improve your readers comprehension!
Wow! Very goooood :) I want to read more!! The suspense and mystery definitely retained my attention and curiosity. I like it, I like it a lot!
The twist at the end where she shoots the policeman was a bit of a surprise. I am wondering, "what is going on?" I hope this is not the end of the story!
This piece is piercing and very deep. It reveals some very deep pain and anguish over battles fought, and battles lost. I can remember feeling much like you express in your piece. Sometimes life is hard, sometimes the harshness does not seem to let up and let us catch our breathe. I do understand hopelessness. In fact, I just submitted my first post to the site today which deals with the struggle to find hope in the midst of great struggle.
When I was in a place of complete despair, I found hope. I think that there are many people who can relate to where you are when you wrote this. I think I have found a few answers along the path of life. Answers that can redeem our past mistakes, give us hope, and lead us to a new and better path. Please read my submission. Maybe it will give you a lift when you find yourself in a dark place.
Meantime, I think your work has power and is painfully reflective. Kudos to you for having the courage to share these deep feelings and struggles.
Hmmmm....I'm feeling it! I am soaking and remembering right beside you! Great imagery, and poignant reflective poem. I like the passivage from youth to the 'wrinkles of a life well-lived'. I am heading in that direction and find myself very often reflecting and remembering and wondering how I got here so quickly..just yesterday... Very nostalgic and relatable.
Don't blink your eyes!! I have decided to superglue mine open! Hahaha!
Telling the tale of a child unborn, and not to be born is a complicated matter. The hope and promise of a life that could have been was well-expressed. The horror of it being ripped away equally well expressed. Wow, it is thought provoking. It is so easy in these days to forget the 'spirit to be' when thinking of an unborn child. I think this piece will give readers a reason to pause and reflect upon the alternate reality of a human existence apart from the mother. Very moving.
I love your style! This piece was very well-written and drew me in from the beginning. It was easy to read and filled with humor and wisdom. I found myself angry with Jack too! What a rat! Hahaha :) But in the end, forgiveness sets us free and it was a great depiction of that process. I truly cannot offer any suggestions on making this better. Great Job!
I am not a poetry expert but I thought this was great! I appreciate the fact that you took a scriptural reference and expanded on it to bring more insight into what that scripture means.
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