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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/dnadream
Review Requests: ON
3,528 Public Reviews Given
4,105 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I look at the title, premise, overall structure first. Then I see how it makes me feel. After that, I might comment on little errors which are easily fixed.
I'm good at...
Hmm. Well you'd have to ask the one being reviewed what that be.
Favorite Genres
Paranormal, spy/detective, sci-fi, romantic suspense (hey I'm female and entitled). documentary, psychological and more.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything too gorey depending on how it's done. I don't need every little detail.
Favorite Item Types
First tell me what an item type is. haha
Least Favorite Item Types
An item has to make sense even if it uses fantasy ideas.
I will not review...
I don't like where some writer crammed six long chapters into one item area. I also don't like it if the paragraphs are so long you lose your place reading it. If you don't want me to lose interest and give up, break it up into sections and link it to the next exciting chapters. Nobody wants to sit through a detailed story for hours without a break.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of To Plant A Garden  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Humble Poet,

I'm here ti read and review this poem.

First, let me saw I love the picture of the flowers.

It adds to the beauty of the poem.

In this piece, the garden is fertile land and its contents, the seeds and sprouts are guided by the blessed light of God.

It is a joyful blessing.

The rhyme and rhythm is spot-onin thisvitem.

Near the end, it reveals how humans might be like flowers. The sun warms the Earth, while the sun shines the light for others, so that like flowers, people might also grow in the spiritual essence and appreciate everyday blessings.

I can't think of anything that needs editing on this.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
2
2
Review of Bear Run  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Ironworker,

I was cruising through WDC and just noticed this item in your portfolio. I decided to review it.

TITLE: The title fits the content of the story.


FORMAT: Formatting looks good with paragraphing and line spacing done well.

PREMISE:A man in the woods is being tracked by a bear.

PUNCTUATION/OTHER ERRORS:

*Bearbr* There was a need for commas in some areas such as introductory clauses.

* Kneeling(,) he rifled through his pack for his compass(,) then realised that it had been left at home.

*BearBr* I would combine some of these sentences to create a changing rhythm. Short ones mean action and feels tense where you need it.

Longer is more for narrative, imagery, and less hurried, and often a time for reflection.

This would make your story more concise and make way for more words if you need it.


Here you started off with

As his fire,

Then next sentence

As night ...

You might want to edit it so that's not used at least in one of those sentences.

* Watch your tenses. If you write walking, later use that same form of an ING word.

With his first fire lit(,) he started two more, in order to block the way between him and the bear.

Darkness blanketed the ravine,

Notice the two words advanced/ stiffened/tightened( same tense)

He advanced forward, then stiffened when the bear roared again. His every nerve tightened. The bear had moved closer.

* if you read this out loud, you can feel the tense moments. It indicates a change. A faster pace maybe.

SUGGESTION: Use words to indicate he moved faster after this. He did more than walked.
Example:
As he rushed and pushed through and past shrubbery, pinlike needles dug into his skin.

He had no time to wipe away the blood (or instead maybe he absently brushed the blood away. This way, unfortunately for him, it makes him more aware that it entices the bear even more. It increases the tension.

Show, don't tell the tension. Does he sweat? He's he look behind him besides darting away?

*Bearbr* WHAT I liked:

I liked that you indicated a passing of time with the words--At first light but you need to add an extra line space whenever time, place, people changes.

The imagery was good, such as bright orange glow.

OTHER COMMENTS: I would have liked that this man had a name. Any name. Bob, Joe, or Hank, anything. Give him at least a first name. That way you dont have to use he all the time.

Again. Watch your tense
grabbed
Lit
Bolted
he lunged for him.

You wrote:
grabbed his spear, lit the cloth end. The bear bolted forward, rose up on his hind legs, and lunged for him.

* Good story and within the guidelines of the requirements. With a few edits, this should be even better. I enjoyed reading it. I hope you win an award for effort and originality.

Keep at it.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
3
3
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Rojod,

I found this brief item in your portfolio in preparation for Nano.


* Although this is brief, it shows intention of a plan.

* This premise certainly reveals many opportunities to explore this man's experiences, especially since he's a man of many talents.

* This also allows for times in his life for tension filled trouble and also joyful adventures.

* A good example to use is to ask the question about times along the way. Such as: What if. And then what?

Others questions might be

Where?
With who?
Action:
Reaction:
Outcome?

Good luck with this work. I hope to see the results.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
4
4
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Humble Poet,

Just saw this in your portfolio. Thought I'd take a closer look.

* In this interesting poem, the words chosen are thought-provoking. Which choice is the right one.

* Sometimes it hard to tell which choice is better or worse.

* The title fits the content of your poem.

Thanks for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
5
5
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello ruwth,

I just found this entry and decided to review it.

First, I liked how you told it what you're talking about.

Second, you proceeded to do that as you shared these words of wisdom.

At lastly,you explained how each example helped.

The formatting has nice parargraphing, plus plenty of white space making it easy to read.

I saw no errors in this item.
It also lists at the bottom what this was written for. And has a reminder of these things which can help us appreciate and us these three strategies.

Good job.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
6
6
Review of Lost Umbrella  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Adminn,

I just read your story called Lost Umbrella. Now I will review it.

Title: The title fits the content of the story.
Premise: Lily loves her 🏖️ and uses it when it's raining but one day it disappears.

Format: the firnatying looks good with nice use of white space

Story Content: we see a problem and tension rising when Lily realizes that she's lost her umbrella. So does what she can do to find it without much luck.

Reader wonders if she will find it.

The story has a beginning, middle, and end, yet it's pretty much predictable. Sibc this is a child's story, I'm guessing that's normal, still I would have liked some complications.

I saw no misspelled words in this item.

I did see where it needed some commas. If the sentences are read out loud.m, you might get find areas where you pause, and if that's where a comma goes.

Thank you for sharing.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
7
7
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Shawn Bailey,

This poem is short, but to the point. You've share this in three languages. That's impressive also.

The poem seems perfect as it is.

Comment: A heart that doesn't share is cold, numbing even. I can see how that can happen to someone.

Yet, deep inside there is love in the deepest of their soul. It's simply not recognized.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
8
8
Review of Bio  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello again Joe,

I just read this item in your portfolio.

I like your positive outlook but also how hard times actually can bring out our inner strength and help us realise what's most important.

Appreciate the outlook on this one.

What you wrote is easy to read and understand.

I didn't see any errors or there wasn't any.

Thanks for sharing.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
9
9
Review of The Cheshire Grin  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello W.D. Wilcox,

I just visited your port and read The Cheshire Grin.

I'm here to review and rate it.

TITLE: It fits to the content of the story.

PREMISE: An old widow lives alone. Remembering her husband, she knows he hid money around the house, as people often do.

A cat is outside her home, wanting in. She is war. What if it's a lion?

After a might if the cat showing up next to her while she's sleeping, she decides to let him stay.

He reminds her of her husband. And soon he's her constant companion. Maybe he's back in a different form.

This cat brings happiness, but also solves an issue for her.

FORMAT: The piece is formatted in a way thwlat makes it easy to read and understand.

*Pencil* I would line space between paragraphs and dialogue sections. I'd also double line space when there's a change of time.

DIALOGUE: It was nice to see dialogue in this item. We can tell who is talking. *see above suggestion

COMMENTS: This story tugged at my heart. I liked that the lady found comfort and strength by having little Leo with her. It warmed her soul to think this cat was sent to her by the angels, and that she still had her husband's love, in another form surrounding her.

Thanks for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
10
10
Review of Shaman's Trance  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello again, maximus,

Here is yet another piece if your work of maybre it's your final edited version.

O see what you were trying to accomplish plush, but to be honest I almost gave up because I had no idea anything was below the huge white space.

I did find it.

*Idea* My suggestion would be to shorten the length of the spacing, otherwise many readers might visit your portfolio, and think it was an error with a blank page.

I can see you're a very deep thinker.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
11
11
Review of Insert title here  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Maximus,

I happened upon your portfolio and found this item and I'm here to read and review it.

This had no title and I read your piece a few tines to find which words fit this piece as far as a title.

I sense that this piece is deeper in thought that many might not ully understand, yet it's not because of anything you've done.
It's okay though, because at some point others will totally get your message when they are ready.

* Here's my suggestions for the title name:

Awaken

Or even:
Awaken with your Eyes Wide Open.

Thought provoking writing. Th as nk you fir sharing.

OTHER COMMENTS:The last portion of your piece says it all.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
12
12
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Humble Poet,

I was looking in your portfolio and found this piece.

Title: It is appropriate for the content of this story and poem.

Premise: An unexpected thoughful gift, however seemingly small,
means so much, and is delightfully accepted and appreciated.

These kinds of things is what makes being human a better place to live.

And it doesn't end there.

* What I Liked: I like that you included the poem you created inspired by her thoughtfulness.

* It's expressed well and in simple well-thought-out words.

* I saw no errors in this item. It's perfect the way it is.

Thanks for sharing. Write On.

Comments: I totally understand how this could happen. I, too, on occasion, get inspired when I least expect it. I can't rest until it's done. And only with a few tweaks it's ready to be seen.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
13
13
Review of My Life  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello strlcuckoo,

You requested a review on this item. I had reviewed it beforee, but maybe you added to it ir edited it.

TITLE: My Life seems appropriate for this piece.

Premise: My life shows how changes in life helps us understand and form new and posibly better ideas ir recognise which are correct.

Often we feel we know how things will go, but find out too late that it isn't so.

*Idea* I would put a line space between each stanza to make it easier to red.

It might have also been nice to see examples of and when these changes happened.

Other than that I saw no problem.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
14
14
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello. I just read your item [item:2314439]. I'm hear now to review it.

TITLE: it seems appropriate.

PREMISE: Young neighborhood boys become friends, although they are of different race. There is no issue. Yet the parents is yet another story. The boys don't really consider it a problem.

At some point, things change in the other boys home. The household has a new man in it and hes not as nice as those kid's father was, which causes problems between the boys.

Andre seems uoset about something Don did. The boys end up disagreeing about something. When Don finds out he not only reprimands the nieghbor kid, but hits him hard enough to cause his nose to bleed.


As young as the boy is, when asked by officers if he'd like to press charges, he decides not to.

Later on, he became aware that there's a definite line as to race issues. It could be the other party also has that idea, but kids are resilient.

It's sad that an adult hits a child like that. The disagreement doesn't say the kids beat each other up.

* Since this is part of a longer story I may have to read more to see how things work out later.

* I like that it's subtle, yet effectively brings up this story question.

I was interested from the beginning and to the end.

*Idea* I would suggest a little dialogue.it could be the officer asking the parents and child about the event. It could reveal a few things about the parents. Plus we might see the child's thoughts.

Thank you for sharing.

Write on.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
15
15
Review of For Her  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello HersForever,

I've read your item and here to review it.

There's several errors in this as far as punctuation. Periods and questions marks were missing at ends of sentences. Also sentence beginnings need capitalization.

* Reviewer's Comment:

The sentiment here is obvious, yet this could be so much more. I'd love to see what makes her special, and maybe a few instances that were memorial moments. It could be her smile, the way she looks at you, or her quiet ways. Maybe it's just how she makes you feel. Only you know this.

My favorite part:

If it is not meant to be in this universe, my soul will find yours in another.

* This is a nice try, but it could have more potential.

* This is only my suggestion and you can consider it or reject the idea. I'm just here to help, if possible.

You might read a story that you like and see how others have done it. Everyone has to start somewhere. Congrats that you've gotten this far so soon.

Keep on with it. You'll get there.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
16
16
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello IE,

This is a cute little story.

The premise: you are able to breathe underwater.

I like that we see that fish 🐠 are going by and they're each unique, but soon you are diving down to where the starfish is.



Here I wondered if you were a mermaid, yet you could be anything really. Curled tail could be a shrimp or lobster too.

*rest nearby
Shimmering tail curled neatly
A breath
Then another

You told a little story here and it's fun to read. Sea Life enjoying their existence.

Thanks for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
17
17
Review of I Wish  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello MJones,

I just read your item titled I Wish.

The rhyme is this is on the spot. It's easy to read and understand because it's concise and almost anyone can relate to this sentiment.

I first thought this might have been about how short their lives are compared to humans.

Nicely don't in eight.

Write On.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
18
18
Review of The Naughty Gift  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello W.D. Wilcox,

I found this on the public news feed.

Wow, you had me worried for a bit.

* It certainly made me want to read more. I had to know who, what and why.

* I felt my heart beating faster, wondered what horrible person would confine someone like that. I hadn't figured it out until a bit before the box was popped open.

* And, oh what a surprise. Not at all what I thought at first. Whew!

* Nice sequence of events and growing tension in this piece.

* You answered all the story questions that was initially brought up.

* I saw no errors in this.

Thanks for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
19
19
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Kathleen Cochran,

I just noticed this in your portfolio and had to tAke a closer and review.

Wow this is so true. I often think that cellphones have taken over our lives, but also opened up opportunities for people with bad motives to take advantage of, not just inmocent children, but also trusting adults. So much scamming going on.

* This piece gives plenty of examples to help the reader understand why the writer believes that cellphone I nescare not your best friend.

Often it's how people use a tool, rather than the tool itself causing problems.

As for any good thing, I would say use in an emergency, like if you're broke down in the road, but also if you were being held hostage a ND had the phone with you. If it was turned on there's ways to locate vwhere it is. Wh I ch means you could get reacued.

*PENCIL* The only thing I saw that could use some editing is where there's a pause, (usually where there's an introductory clause) and it would need a comma. Often these omissions might be throughout someone's writing.

Thanks for sharing this interesting topic.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
20
20
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello again, foxtale,

What an interesting true experience. That dog, Buster, somehow knew that cake was waiting for him.

The title fits the content if the story.

The item format and spacing, plus the paragraphs and dialogue is working well.

Comment: Thank God at least you all were able to save it and even were creative about it. The good news is that the boys didn't know what happened.

Either of my sons wouldn't have eaten it if they knew, thinking Buster breathed on it. And they might die. Lol

I thought I saw that one of the words needed a hyphen, yet now I can't find it.

Thhanks for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
21
21
Review of SMOKEY'S LESSON  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Boy scout troop and scout masters experiencing training and an unexpected visitor.


I liked:
The imagery of the campsite. This made ne feel like I was there. Well done.

>We would sign up for the campsite that had an old rock chimney and grill, dry goods storage locker and several heavy-duty cedar picnic tables near the fire-ring.

* This was fun to visualize too. I got a giggle out of it. :

Like a dog waiting for its master, the bear rested its muzzle on the tabletop where the lantern light glinted off its black nose and reflected from its dark eyes as it curiously watched us at our task.

*Pencil* For the most part, the piece was well read, except for where there were areas with extra spacing. This can be fixed easily.

*Also some sentences needed commas.

* I would break up some of the larger paragraphs.

Thanks for sharing this with me. I'm sorry I didn't give it a higher rating. If you were to edit it, and let me know and provide a working link, I could take another look and possibly raise it.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
22
22
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello sindbad,

I just read your little story.

Your first sebtencecirvtwi made me read more about this unusual request, or what do I know? Maybe it happens often. Anyway, the fact that the husband shows up, and so you had to not only ckean windows, toilets, the kitchen, and the floor. Just so to make it look legit.

Unfortunately, she ruined any hopes if at least getting paid. LOL

Maybe both if them were rubbing their hands together and high fiving afterward.

Ah that's the way things go I suppose. I have to say I've never tried that. Scammers are getting pretty clever.

Anyway, this was fun to read.

*Pencil* The bad thing is the spacing is messed up in the 5th paragraph.

Thanks for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
23
23
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello W.D. Wilcox,

I'm not sure where I saw a link to this story, but I'm glad I did.

I've read some of your stories before and I'm never dissatisfied.

This one especially appealed to me as it reminded me of a nightmare I had just the other night. I'll explain a bit later.

You write this so well, and with the right words. The descriptions of the lighting and imagery created a mood, where the child made a decision to escape from this horrible place and person.

While I was glad she escaped I worried when the snakes but her, while the other girl enticed her to follow.

Yet, this little girl decided to trust her. Unfortunately, the other had bad intentions and then seemed to constantly sheer at the child.
I wondered at why the adult acted like she was sorry, and pretty much think she's not change like that and actually would be like an angry alcoholic beating thier child, pushing them past unbearable limits. It's truly horrifying. but these things have happened to someone, or more than likely, several children.

Regardless, your story feels real, and I wasn't sure how to take the ended. I could see a possibility of a following story, but what turn if events might happen between the other girl who "forgave" her mother, I wasn't sure.
Maybe the entity, being a bit evil might create chaos. I doubt she truly would end up a victim. It was as if she planned it.

* I did not see anything like punctuation or spelling errors in this item.

Good writing. Thank you for sharing.

Now as for what said earlier, what I dreamt was like nothing else I have.

In mine, I was watching things unfold, ir ut was me at the mirror and then basically outside myself watching it happen.

It seemed as if it was a grown girl or young woman looking in the mirror doing the usual things people do after waking up.

Along came this older woman, her mother?, and she's screaming like a banshee at her. "What are doing? Hurry up! You have work to do, girl! Quit laying around!" She's chasing the girl, swinging something in her hand at her.

The girl isn't even dressed yet. She's thin, gaunt, tired looking, a haunted look on her face. Only fear causes her to jerk forward, running from the mad woman on a rampage. There's no escape.

This feeling is that this happened daily and that it never ends.

And so getting back to your story, it's weirdly similar. Yet, I hadn't read this until now. I was relieved to wake up and realize it wasn't real life, and in case you wondered, my mother never treated me like that.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
24
24
Review of The Dream Giver  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello brom21

I was looking in your portfolio and saw this item and decided to review it.

This was an interesting story about the unknown. It was fun to read.

I liked that you had dialogue in this.

One thing that was a bit distracting was the use of too many dialogue tags. Often you can use it at first, then just let the dialogue flow back and forth until there's another speaker.

I noticed you used action on itvto indicate who us talking. This too can be overdone.

*Pencil*
Here are a few places where a word was transposed.

Dr. John Walker stood at his kitchen counter in the morning making eggs and bacon for his wife Ruth and son Luke.
Christmas was three days away. Luke was six years old and John left felt it was time to tell him Santa Clause did not exist.

* John cleared his throat and liked licked his lips.

Clever idea with two scientists interacting with other worldly beings.

The being's voice seems appropriate.

It all ends when it's decided this wasn't a good idea according to the celestial being.

This item can be much better with just a few changes. Let me know if you edit it and I can take a second look.

Thanks for sharing.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
25
25
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Intuey.

I just read this piece. I'm having issues with my device so if anything looks weird, it might not be user malfunction at this time.

I too have pondered such things. I often try to understand people because sometimes what they present might be caused by an inner feeling about themselves rather than what is.

As a child I've seen events unfold before mybetes and although quite young I did get a feeling about it, although rather helpless, as it seemed. Somehow I managed to cope and it somehow instilled empathy in me. My mothers inner strength. although she may have felt like she was surviving. She was, yet I watched day after day givingbifvher tine and loving care, while she silently suffered. And so I decided to try to be her strength. Nobody else was there to see. She was our sole support, while dealing with someone elses own demons.

Okay, one brother but his attitude wasn't kindly at all, so there's that difference.

I have to say th a t deep down I feel and know these things (such as the idea of a pure soul) yet sometimes it feels impossible to deal with kind with certain people. Humans are complex people, yet alike. It's not always easy to be human. We can't always see clearly another person's perspective as to why the react different to things than we do.

And now I laugh at what I just wrote.

Thanks for giving me something interesting to review.





Anyway, your piece was food for thought.

Well written.


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