*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/docjan
Review Requests: OFF
3 Public Reviews Given
3 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of The Reunion  
Review by docJan
Rated: E | (3.5)
First off, I liked the premise of the story and the well done description of a panic attack. However I tripped over typo and punctuation errors. I was confused by the way Bill's thoughts were presented (?italics might work). I understood why the repetition of 'Ten years ago' but honestly to me the content made the point just fine. I would rework that first line as well - eg:
As his car eased to a stop before the hotel doors, through my Jack Daniel's buzz, I heard the cabbie mumble "That will be $18.50 sir."
Also confusing was "come a long way". That usually implies in the positive so you might consider adding something like "long way, in the wrong direction".
I found the last paragraph, in spirit, ended the story fairly well but seemed to lack the finesse I suspect you are capable of writing.
1 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/docjan