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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/dylan92
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8 Public Reviews Given
21 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Starship Sentry  
Review by Rahl
Rated: E | (4.5)
Well! That was quite a story. It had sci-fi, fantasy, and of course; sarcasm! which i love... It was a very unique sci-fi, quite an aberration from the normal sci-fi that I see. It incorporated very good vocabulary, and it was filled with a little bit of aesthetics, which is something I almost never see in sci-fi writing, but it could use more! I would love to see a sci-fi piece that has a sort of abstract and artistic beauty to it, instead of just, "starfox A quadrant alpha blows up subsection 4 b at #5 galactic intersection..." because it makes it more interesting to have description, a little bit of fantasy. Also, some of the names of things are cliche, come up with more interesting ones!
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Review of Item Statistics  
Review by Rahl
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Might I say... wow! That was certainly an educational piece of writing, and though you probably won't revise it anymore, I'd like to give a few of my "newbie" suggestions, if you don't mind! It is my experience, that most long educational pieces of writing are "digested" better when theyhave a bit of... flair. In toher words, give life to otherwise dull sentences, otherwise people will see the whole piece as tedious and not read it. So instead of saying something like, "To view revisions do _____" say something more beautiful, interesting, or sarcastic like, "If you wish to view the long lines of meaningful advice that your fellow writer's have to say about you, which I'm sure you would, than________" See what I mean? You don't have to do much, just a little bit goes a long way. Hope this helps!
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Review by Rahl
Rated: E | (4.5)
Well, let me begin with the things I find good about your prose. Firstly, it conatins very aesthetic and abstract thoughts underneath the words, and allows one to dream and imagine many things, and I like this free sense in a piece. There is also marvelous word choice for utmost description, and I love it! My only criticism is that I believe it needs more of a sense of cadence and rhythm, that will make the ideas flow easier through the reader's mind. Otherwise, it was indeed very excellent in every possible manner!
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