I don't know what to say. Your story's great. I really, really loved your story.
I loved the beginning--it drew me into your story.
I liked how you skilfully crafted the story to let the main character discover the true meaning behind his dad's gift.
However, I would have liked to see more explanation on the Inner and Outer Realms.
Write on!
I liked your interpretation of love. It is very original.
However, I would have liked it more if you explained and expanded on your first stanza a bit more.
Your first stanza surely draws the readers in, but your words after it confused me a bit.
I really liked your poem.
I mean, it could mean a person that you are describing, which shows your love and desire and fulfillness. But somehow, it can be something... other, as well.
Poetry is filled with mystery and new thoughts and meanings.
I also liked your word choice and pacing, nice job. :)
Hi Valmoric,
Interesting entry. I liked the descriptions at the end which were very detailed.
I would like to ask what exactly is this, though. A story? A plan for your novel?
Thanks
--Elsie
You're a great writer. :)
However, I'd like to ask how the first paragraph and the rest of the story related.
Thanks! BTW, I really liked your story because it was very descriptive.
Hi Rusty,
Thanks for sharing. This story was certainly interesting.
However, I don't get the last bit, though. Did Daniel suddenly go under his bed or something?
Or was that a real monster? Or another boy, maybe?
Sorry, English isn't my first language and since it's a cool story I'd like to understand a bit better.
Thanks!
I Truelyjenna,
I know many people who write depressing poems like this one on Writing.com, and I really like reading them, especially really emotional or descriptive ones. I know many of these authors are not really depressed or suicidal, but it's always important to make sure.
I really hope you are okay and not contemplating 'giving up'. If you are, I really hope you can find someone to talk to about your feelings. It's really helpful at dark times.
Overall, I think your poem was really good. Many poems are made of stanzas, and I think you divided up your poem into separate stanzas very well.
I only have one question: Why is this poem titled 'Family'?
Not to be offensive, but I don't quite relate this to family. Maybe you can clarify that?
But remember, this is your poem, your masterpiece. Consider the Writing.Com community's comments, but you should be the person to make the final decision whether or not to change your piece or not.
I hope this helped, please keep writing!
--Elsie
Hi Nikola,
This story is great!
The dog turns from an abandoned, unlucky puppy to one of the most lucky ones that finds a home! She got a home!! I really like stories like this one because they are very emotional.
I can also relate to this because I adopted a dog before!
Thanks for sharing!
I really liked your flash fiction piece because it reminded me of the Hansel and Gretel story that many have read. You're also really good at describing everything, because I could really imagine inside my head what you were trying to mean. It's really great that you tied the sunflower seeds into something significant in the end, when they were trying to get out. It would've been cooler, though, if you had made the action / fighting / getting away from that woman's house a bit more suspenseful and colourful. It's your story, though. It's your piece, and you should be the only person to decide what goes in there or not. Overall, I really loved it. I'm so glad that I stopped by to read. :)
Wow, I'm impressed. You showed your feeling honestly using good word choice. I believe many people can relate to this! The only thing you should work on is punctuation and spelling. Maybe some periods and commas to show the reader when to take a break (if they're reading out loud), and I noticed words like 'to' and 'wounder'... so you might want to fix that. Otherwise, excellent!
I really liked this story because it was very descriptive.
I think you could let the readers become the oak tree and actually live that life of the oak tree for the duration of reading this piece.
Thank you for letting me experience the pains, suffering, happiness, and glory of being an oak tree. I haven't seen an oak tree before, and certianly have not been an oak tree, but your work really let me know how an oak tree might feel, and how I might feel if I was an oak tree.
I especially liked the way you started, by using a very short sentence. I'm not exactly sure how, but it drew me in. I wish someday I could write like you do.
I like it too!
I'm 12 right now, and I think this is really great, if it was written by a 13 year old!
I love the first and last stanzas---it introduces and concludes your poem perfectly.
Thanks for sharing, I'm glad I took the time to read this; very inspiring. :)
That's a beautiful poem. Not many realize the beauty of a single river stone.
Thank you for sharing, and I'll try to appreciate pleasures and prettiness of small things in nature now.
Your poem is very inspirational, and somehow cute. :)
I am very touched by your story... thanks for writing.
I believe a daddy's hands are exactly that, and each one tells such a story.
It's very interesting how this was written on my birthday.
Thanks for sharing.
Oh my gosh, this is so creepy... but it's so good!!
I really enjoyed it, mostly because it was kind of a horror-ish genre.
You describe stuff really well--I really felt sorry for Kevin and Johnny and Becky.
I'm sure many people can relate to being the beneficiary of a situation, or the only survivor of a horrible thing they led others into.
Great work, please keep writing. :)
Great, honest, and cute poem---I truly enjoyed it.
Maybe you should put the last like as I love trees, because it gives more emphasis. Thanks for sharing.
Very touching piece, thanks for writing.
I can see that you view the world in a very... Christian way.
Hope, love, faith, joy, and grace and wonderful things.
I hope that everyone can walk with these items.
This is a very true account, which I believe many people can relate to.
I especially liked it when you said that you loathe life but fear death.
It's very truthful, emotional, and made me... feel.
Excellent concept, well explained in your poem.
I often feel this way, why do we hurt each other so much?
I really enjoyed it, and if there's a tiny constructive criticism I can make, try to pay a bit more attention to grammar. Otherwise, excellent!
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