Lyn's a sly fox's (elusive4lyn) Reviews

#4747938

Review of Fiction: Common Story Mistakes

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Joy,

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Fiction: Common Story Mistakes

First Impression: You would think some of them would also be common sense but as we know all too well that's not so common either. I'm guilt of not liking to return to the basics. I get easily frustrated which doesn't serve me well. It doesn't have the same feel as the initial pieces. I agree it is difficult to choose the best starting point.

What needs your attention: I didn't see any punctuation or grammar issues but my pet peeve is the font size. I give you kudos for the ability to read small font. I'm noticing it so much in this round of the games. I think I better add eye exam to my to do list in May.

What part I liked best: The author explaining the importance of story points, not building toward the climax and not developing the antagonist enough. The antagonist definitely has to strut its stuff to inspire a gripping story line.

Overall impression: The piece was well articulated, and the different suggestions were followed up with great suggestions.
I think one suggestion could be added is when we're reading a book to try to find the inciting moment and what story point made us connect with the character. It helps us understand the process by seeing it in action.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say????? Review 2 of 10

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

2

#4747790

Review of GAIA (Mother Earth)

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi The BusmanPoet

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: GAIA

First Impression: Have I found a fellow Wiccan among the many authors on this site. Beltane is soon approaching, and it is a great time to focus on creativity and prosperity.
There is nothing more joyful than listening to nature's incredible symphony with one's soul mate as the author reminded the reader. I've spent many evening sitting with my spouse enjoying the moon's glorious display.

What needs your attention: Nothing, the stanzas build upon each other and the cadence is perfect when read out loud.

What part I liked best: This stanza appeals to me.
Gaia with Her ever engaging --melodic night songs,--are singing to them.

The reader is reminded of walks together and evenings sitting together simply absorbing all of nature's bounty. We lived near a stream in Maine, the sounds of the cricket, tree frogs and the chatter of racoons made our evenings so special.

Overall impression: This reader is reminded in this five stanza, fifteen line tribute to Gaia and her blessings how priceless those moments are shared with the one we love.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say?????

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

3

#4747787

Review of Binding

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

Rated: E

| (3.5)

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Inksplodge

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Binding

First Impression: The reader has the feeling the author isn't sure of the commitment made. Was it just her or was it mutual? There's doubt throughout the poem whereas someone confident in their feelings would be stating it emphatically on the page.
Are we discussing a binding ceremony that is a Pagan choice or are we talking metaphorically binding?

What needs your attention: This is a stream of consciousness free style poem that leaves the reader wondering what the author needs to make it a stronger poem. If the intent is to show the cofusion and insecurity in the beginning of a relationship than that's been accomplished though this reader would suggest organizing the thoughts more to give it a stronger message.

What part I liked best: Heart straining and yanking the chains of fate is cliche but it still appeals to this reader.

Overall impression: I believe the author can make this poem stronger by organizing the conflicted emotions and adding stronger verbs and tossing the cliches to the curb.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say?????

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

4

#4747741

Review of Two vodkas

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Deadly Bloom

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Two Vodkas

First Impression: Ode to Vodka's merits as a metaphor about a relationship is something I haven't read before. She has conflicted emotions same as one has after a hangover.
What needs your attention:
1. In your first line you're missing a after you're. I know you're liar but I still fall for ya. I know you're a liar.
2. The second line feels choppy. You can smooth it by simply saying. I love waking up with my phone vibrating next to my head.
3. The last line in the first stanza wants to be two lines to keep a natural feeling cadence. Try this I know it's not worth it
I should try to listen to my brain too.
By keeping them separate also reminds the reader of their own silly mistakes in life.
The last two stanzas are good as is.
It's the crazy long line in between four line stanzas that needs to be worked on because it really throws you out.
I Imagine your face because you're not here, focused on your black eyes but you don't give yourself to me and now you're in my dreams

I imagine your face
I focus on your black eyes
I feel you hold back
Even in my dreams

Just food for thought...
What part I liked best: The stanza about needing you and love what you give to me.

Overall impression: It's an interesting metaphor of a relationship with the same feeling of having two vodkas.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say????? Bottoms up!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

5

#4747735

Review of "GOIN' CRAZY WITH YOU"

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Tommy Gunns

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Goin' Crazy With You

First Impression: The author's intention is for this poem/lyrics to be put with music. I tried to imagine maybe a piano or a guitar alone in my head as I read.

What needs your attention: In the first stanza we have hair, wear, eyes, lips, hips and by which all feel nature. In the second stanza we have hi, goodbye,keep, coffee, tea and sleep. Coffee and tea as you rhyme feels like the author took the easily way. May I suggest It’s not the way you drink your coffee, its not the way your face shines with glee because in the next line we have It’s not the way you sigh when you’re driftin’ off to sleep. It feels more like a natural transition.

What part I liked best: I really like the couplets that come after the first and second stanza It’s not the way my heart races when I’m alone with you It’s not the way my temp’rature rises when you thrill me like you do. It reminds the reader that the lover is filling him/her with each image.

Overall impression: Thank you for sharing your song lyrics with us. I thought the majority of the words delivered building upon each other.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say?????

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

6

#4747730

Review of You Want To Know Whats Beautiful?

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Ruby_MyDear

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: You Want To Know What's Beautiful?

First Impression: There's something to be said for that kind of love, it doesn't happen to everyone and the lucky ones long for it. I hope the author is one of the lucky ones. I wasn't the first time but I am now with my second husband. There's something to be said also for the second time around.

What needs your attention: In the title Whats should be What's because you're actually asking what is.
In the third stanza this line slows the cadence or pacing in your poem: When they ignite something in your soul, and the fire consumes you.
The author could easily shorten it to When that someone ignites your soul, the fire consumes you.
Same thing in the fourth stanza they are the diver, swimming deep below into the darkness to gather you up.
The author could say they're the diver swimming into the darkeness to gather you up.
We know its deep because of the word diver which implies depth.

What part I liked best: Love shared emotionally and physically over time may have different perspectives but always value the other is priceless. I love the image of two people rising together and help when the other falls.

Overall impression: The poem defines a special love, the kind we all long to have in our lives. I suggested a couple of minor tweaks to help the pacing when the poem is read out loud.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say?????
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7

#4747539

Review of A Poets Rambling

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: A Poets Rambling

First Impression: Looks like you're going to have move it into a different folder, it's been reviewed twice. Your poetic rambling is very engaging and made a few connections with this reader. I love reading before bed but before I settle in for the night I always glance up at the night sky and say good night to the moon.

What needs your attention: Nothing this poem has good pacing and the rhyming totally works. It feels natural. But this reader would prefer write yourself a poem a message with a game plan. instead of tying it to man.

What part I liked best: Taking time to appreciate the good in everything around us can't be said enough. Our world is filled with so much negativity that this line should be a daily mantra.

Overall impression: This five stanza with a rhyming pattern of aabb worked very well in conveying a positive message to readers. It was engaging and easily read out loud. That's a quirk of mine, reading any poem I review out loud because I hear the sounds and feel the cadence.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say????? Poetry gives voice to everything in life.
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8

#4747535

Review of Feelings and Emotions

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Pure Poetry

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Feelings and Emotions

First Impression: This is a new poem in your collection, nicely expressed in couplets.

What needs your attention: The rain is here this cold dark night as I dream a dream of light. This line changes the cadence of your poem changes with the choppiness of this line. Is it really needed to talk about I dream a dream of light. The rain is here on this cold dark night and it rhymes perfectly with tight. Or I long for dreams of light on this rainy cold dark night.
Just food for thought to consider

What part I liked best: I don't know where this poem is going but I'll write it anyway My pen is active here right now, I have many things to say. I know exactly what the author means becasue most of my own writing is in pencil when my family is sleeping and I'm still lying awake. I take my journal and curl up in the rocker and write by my reading light that clips to my book. I've been known to be there when the sunrises having lost all track of time.

Overall impression: I enjoyed the poem immensely except for the first line of the second couplet which reads choppy and changes the cadence of the poem for me

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say????? Poetry rules.
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9

#4747520

Review of Three Migratory Birds to Look For

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blogging Circle of Friends

Rated: E

| (4.5)

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Amy

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Three Migratory Birds

First Impression: I've been very fortunate to have seen them all three while I lived in Maine. The Artic Tern were on Machias Seal Island although the numbers that nest there have reduced drastically because of sea gulls.
Barn swallows made nests in the barn so they were always around and quite welcome because of the mosquitos.
Puffins I hadn't seen until 2019 Wow, they're so cute.

What needs your attention: I didn't note any punctuation or grammar issues.

What part I liked best: The author and I share a common interest in the Atlantic Puffin. Their coloring is similar to a penguin and equally as playful. My son took us out on a lobster boat and we got to see puffins playing on the small island. They slid down the rocks into the water and then back up again. I was surprised to see how quickly one of them devoured a fish. I have no idea what kind because it was gone fast.

Overall impression: The author discussed three migratory birds that are very common in Maine as well as where she resides in Canada. I hadn't thought about my own interactions until I read this piece and took a brief stroll down memory lane.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say?????
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

10

#4747511

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blogging Circle of Friends

Rated: E

| (4.5)

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Amy,

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Popular Game of the Atlantic Provinces

First Impression: I was surprised that neither white-tail or moose made your list as the most popular hunted animal. I thought they would be right up there with Caribou. One of the things I was surprised to learn growing up in a family of avid hunters was that white-tailed deer and reindeer/caribou actually are fairly closely related.

What needs your attention: Nothing distracted the reader.

What part I liked best: I enjoyed reading about the different birds hunted In Nova Scotia, New Brunswick and PEI. I was suprised that bird-hunting wasn't mentioned in Newfoundland and Labrador.
Maine has a resident woodcock population. They're fun birds to watch in the wild. A lot of the woodcock spotted in Maine are the result of a stopover from migrating woodcock from Canada. Ring-necked Pheasants aren't native to Maine but are stocked. Were they native to Nova Scotia or also a stocked bird.

Overall impression: Interesting pieces of information about animals I do know from my family's hunting adventures. The only one I haven't eaten is the Canada Geese.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say?????
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

11

#4747452

Review of SILENCE

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Naomi

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Silence

First Impression: Unfortunately, silence is something many people fear because they aren't ready to reflect on themselves unlike the author who embraces it in her life.

What needs your attention:
The author's opening line indicates her love for song but skimmed the answers to her opening statement when she could have dived in deeper why she loves it, why it heals her.
Like here:
Silence offers me the answers I need.
It gives me clarity to make my best forward movement, a sure guidance. WHY? Give the reader something to actually connect with. Not just a broad blanket statement.

What part I liked best: "It is in SILENCE that I love myself more, I know myself more. It gives me great comfort as I get in touch with my spiritual essence, giving me the most nourishing power more than words can say." This section the author shared her vulnerability with the reader. That shared moment is what the author should build upon in the remaining parts of the piece.

Overall impression: I'm very familiar with the song, and the artists that chosen to do a cover of the song.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say?????
Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence
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12

#4747447

Review of My Room With A View

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: E

| (3.5)

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Naomi

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: My Room With A View,

First Impression: This is a simplistic approach to the author's existence that she is sharing with the reader.

What needs your attention: There are a lot of filter words that throw off the cadence of the poem and drag the pacing down. And some awkward word choices that made the reader stumble.
1. My room has a nice view as I open the window. It's redundant because we know the only way to have a view is either a window ore or sliding glass door.
2.When full moon, it's more lovely when night starts. If it's intended to flow from the previous line as you have it, the line should read. with the full moon it's more lovely. We don't need night because the line above tells us with the bright stars.

I suggest the author look at redundancies, and filter words.

Redundancy happens when the repetition of a word or idea does not add anything to the previous usage; it just restates what has already been said, takes up space, and gets in the way without adding meaning.

https://joynellschultz.com/2017/01/23/writing-tip-...

What part I liked best: The descriptives are pretty and offer the reader a glimpse of what the author sees.

Overall impression: The poem has potential but needs tweaking to receive a better rating from this reader. I've included a link on filter words.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say????? Reviewing is more than hi, I like this.
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13

#4747258

Review of Superhero Mix

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Angelica

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Superhero Mix

First Impression: Well, I did better than I thought on the bottom, the top half kicked my butt. I only got one right there and six of the bottom correct. Kudos.

What needs your attention: The author knows one clue needs fixing.

What part I liked best: Not just Marvel comic books and movie characters are heroes. I never think of them when I think Hero. Heroes to me are nurses and doctors, military men and women, fireman, and emergency responders. I used to put law enforcement in that category but after all the recent incidents involving law enforcemnt I think a lot of them are simply criminals in blue uniforms. And the good ones sadly are being painted with their peers crimes.
But then I was at some of the marches with Malcolm X, and I wanted to be at King's so I got to feel the other side of law enforcement. We got to see Michael Brown, George Floyd, in Ferguson. I'm sorry I do get riled when it comes to unjustified murder.

Overall impression: Good job on the puzzle for the Game of Thrones. And you learned to do another thing on WDC.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say????? Westeros is calling you.
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14

#4747168

Review of Little Bat

for entry "High Waves"

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Angelica

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Little Bat

First Impression: Interesting collection of stories about Little Bat and her adventures. Ot looks like it might be a collection of stories for children.

What needs your attention: You have a lot of filter words that slow the pacing of your story. Like for instance here- When she made it to the beach Roger the hermit crab-- when is a filter word that is unnecessary. The author could simply say. She made it to beach. Roger the hermit crab called out to her.
There are a lot of long sentences as well that slow the pacing. In that one sentence I used for an example I changed the pacing and eliminated the filter words without changing what information you wrote.
Children are rambunctious and long-winded sentences don't keep their attention either.

What part I liked best: Lightning and the little bat playing. And Little Bat sharing with Alicia about his day.

Overall impression: The story has potential but needs to be edited for unnecessary words to pick up the pacing.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say?????
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

15

#4747160

Review of Wisdom of King Kurt and Princess Megan

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Cuzzinjoe

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Wisdom of King Kurt and Princess Megan

First Impression: Princess Megan is one of my teammates in GOT. Her username is Tigger. She would get a chuckle at your story. Mighty crafty old king filling his castle and marrying his daughter to the man she loved. Best of both worlds indeed.

What needs your attention:
1. Princess Megan was in love with an Army captain. I thought at first she was in love with King Kurt because of the way this sentence. It would have been clearer if you had said Captain Spock. Then went with the King loved his daughter and she adored her father. It makes the connections clearer.
2. Consistency sometimes you capitalize Princess and other times you don't.
3.her doesn't need to be capitalized Her beloved Captain's Spock
4, nor does the after The Captain's Spock after The Accidental demise

What part I liked best: The King had a plan and he followed through knowing that Duke Randolph was greedy and predictable. His fortune was replenished and his daughter was happy.

Overall impression: Interesting short story that needs a bit of editing.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say????? Keep on writing.
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16

#4746420

Review of SMOKEY'S LESSON

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Foxtale

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Smokey's Lesson

First Impression: I chuckled that a bear wandered in to a campsite undetected by the leaders because typically they avoid humans. Not that I blame them any. We're not exactly the best cp-habitant an animal could want.
I also chuckled at the cajoled into becoming a boy scout leader. been there and bought that t-shirtl I was a den mother first and then a boyscout leader. Equal opportunity I also was a girl scout leader. What got me both jobs was my guide and kayaking skills. The boys loved discovering what creature left their foot prints behind. The girls were quit fond of kayaking down the river.

What needs your attention: I didn't note any punctuaion or grammar issues.

What part I liked best: Your struggle with getting the food cooler out of reach of the bear reminded me of a camping trip with our family when I was a kid. My father thought putting our tent by the lake was great. A moose wandered by, catching it's rack on one of the tent lines tied to the tree. It tore our tent and scared the daylights out of us kids. Thankfully, none of us was injured but we did learn moose are quite big.

Overall impression: The pacing of the story was good. The three Jim's added humor to the story. The characters felt believable to this reader.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say????? Be Prepared
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17

#4746416

Review of What Did He Say?

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Sandra

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: What Did He Say?

First Impression: Thanks for putting it in the family category, it was the first one listed when I went under family looking. You did much better than I did on that prompt.
I agree with Aiden, KFC used to be good. At least, it was when I was a kid. Yeah, back in the dark ages.

What needs your attention: Sorry, Sandra but my same pet peeve applies, the font size is so small. 20/20 is another dark age thing. I didn't notice punctuation or grammar issues.

What part I liked best: I could see Aiden crushing the egg with his hand and wiping it on his teeshirt so vividly. My grandson used to do that. Everything was wiped on his clothes. It's gotta be a boy thing.
Nothing is safe for licking these days. There's always germs lurking.

Overall impression: Your story was a flash fiction entry with required words of bottle, chicken, and shoe. The author created a story that felt natural and had good pacing. The little boy felt adorable to this reader. Do you have grandchildren? It feels like you do.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say????? Thank you for rising to the occasion so Team Florent successfuly did the prompt together.
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18

#4746348

Review of Superhero's Abound

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Purple Princess

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Superhero's Abound

First Impression: Dang, woman. I've tried this several times now and I couldn't solve it. I'm not a fan of the genre so for me to even know the characters is very slim. I googled three answers and discovered that there were a ton of spidermen, I didn't even know that there were that many spiderman movies.

What needs your attention: a cheat sheet for non-super hero fans. Just kidding, maybe not.

What part I liked best: The Clues could be mutiple answers. I'm reasonably confident that Iron Man is Downey, Fury directed Shield and Doctor Strange but then after that I'm clueless. This is where Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk

skills are needed. He does owe me a favor. hmmm I think I need to call in one of those favors for the good of our team.

Overall impression: This is a well-thought out puzzle for the Game Of Thrones. I am surprised no one else Has solved it or reviewed it for the points. The author chose a popular theme among the writers I've reviewed recently so this odd to me.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say?????
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19

#4746151

Review of Wishful Illusions

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Gaby,

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Wishful Illusions

First Impression: Interesting foreshadowing with the scene in the kitchen with his Mother that something strange was going to happen.

What needs your attention: But with that said, the reader has no concept of the time that trasnpired until we're in the tavern with Jace which you did provide after the net scene break. Consistency works.
In the next scene break where we join Trisha again is this the same night that Brandon insisted he join him at the tavern or another.
"Tell that to Trish, old man. Tell that to her," he chuckled This feels redundant I think just the first one tell that to Trish, old man he chuckled.

What part I liked best: His determination to find out about the woman in his mind despite he was with Miranda. The silent interrogation made me chuckle. I do that a lot when I'm trying to resolve something.

Overall impression: It's a fun story concept but there are some jumps with the setting and the time frame that distracted my reading. It needs some tweaking for me.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say????? Plugging away. I'm going to be more familiar with your port than my own.
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20

#4746131

Review of Hello, Kitty!

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Gaby,

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Hello Kitty!

First Impression: That cat conned the author big time into a warm house for her babies. I know how adorable kittens are, they're hard to let go of when relocating them. I don't know if you know but Momma Cats don't have litters that large. 1-9 can happen but typically it is 4-6. I realize you're going for the comedic affect.

What needs your attention:
1.I hoped the raccoons weren't digging through my trash again. I believe racoons aren't digging through

"Two weeks later, the furry little creatures didn't budge an inch. If anything, their bad behavior escalated. I was determined to find a solution for it!"

The wording of these two sentences is wordy. May I suggest. Two weeks later, the furry little creatures behavior had escalated. I was determined to find a solution.

Tells the reader the same thing without all the extra wording.

What part I liked best: Foxy coming to the door and moving right into the place like she owned it. We had a cat named Quizmo that came to our door, moved in for about 6 months and then vanished again. I think he wanted a warm place to call home for the winter.

Overall impression: The short story was cute but there are some wordy sections that could be tightened up to improve the pacing of the story.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say????? going for those points, girl
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21

#4745914

Review of Random ideas and Poems

for entry "A single star"

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

Rated: E

| (4.5)

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Stoneheart

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Random Ideas and Poems

First Impression: The entries I read don't match the handle you chose at all. Your writing shows you're passionate and inspired by love.

Were you able to put the lyrics to Face to the Floor to music. The lyrics clearly demonstrate a heart given and a heart broken waiting for the right musical accompaniment.

What needs your attention: I'm going to put it out there, where's more recent entries. It's been almost five months since your last post.

What part I liked best: Love is a many splintered thing entry I enjoyed immensely because I could connect with them. My husband tell me my eyes remind him of a frozen lake dark beneath the chilled exterior. I think he's a puzzle that for the life of me I haven't solved. Maybe that's what life and love are supposed to be. I can relate a lot to Wilde's quote but differently than you. My first marriage was hell and my second is heaven and my heart floats in the unknown of what lies ahead.

Overall impression: Enjoyable reads thus far in your book. The entries are well articulated. I hope to see more entries in the future.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say?????
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

22

#4745850

Review of Single Red Rose

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blogging Circle of Friends

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Brittney

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Single Red Rose

First Impression: This was an emotion story from the eyes of an eight-year-old boy named Shane who believed his birth mother didn't want him because somehow he wasn't good. Sadly, children do believe that.

What needs your attention: The only suggestion I would make is to make better use of your white space. When the lines are close together the reader feels like they have to keep reading versus pausing to consider. Like especially where the dialogue is.

What part I liked best: The Mom's being willing to find his mom and once they did discovering she was dead. And following through by giving him the opportunity to see her grave. Dead in a child's mind isn't always the same as an adult. The graveyard vist was nicely done and gave the little boy and the reader closure. Nicely done.

Overall impression: This was a thought-provoking story from a child's point of view. The author did an excllent job in staying in the child's voice. Hopefully this writer comes back to WDC and offers more writing for us to enjoy.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say?????
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

23

#4745793

Review of Smitten With A Kitten

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blogging Circle of Friends

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Brenpoet

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title:Smitten with a Kitten

First Impression: I can relate to the bond we have with our cats. I have two adorable blush tabbies Macavity is 10 and Pumpkin is 2. They sleep with me every night. As I'm reading your poem Pumpkin is on the armrest and Macavity is behind my head. I'm well supervised.

I'm so sorry for your loss. And I'm sure Gobbolino was sent to help you with your pain.

What needs your attention: Ten lines have an end rhyme but the last two which throws the cadence off in your poem.

What part I liked best: Your kitten talks to you, that's definitely a sign from your daughter. His name is quite unusual.
My cats are boys, they prefer climbing and unwinding my yarn balls to being dressed up. Although they do tolerate my granddaughter dressing them for Halloween.

Overall impression: This was a twelve line poem about a special kitten that arrived when he was needed most to comfort a family after the loss of their daughter, Lucy. I believe animals find us when we need them the most as your beautiful black and white kitty did you.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say?????
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

24

#4745789

Review of Bandits Blow Out

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blogging Circle of Friends

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Bellyinflater

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Bandits Blow Out

First Impression: Unusual means to free themselves from a bandit and to win the conflict in the end. Not what I was expecting at all

What needs your attention:
1. "They were told it was suppose to quite easy for it was only one bandit but she proved to be anything but easy for the Uzumaki's. " We're in past tense in this sentence so suppose should be supposed and you forgot the word be after to.
2."There was on other problem and it wasn't now escaping." on should be one

3. Naruto have them to her and Kushina shoved them down her throat. This sentence is misleading. I had to read it twice to realize the Kushina forced the bandit to swallow the pills. Simple fix change her to the Bandit's throat.

4. Please keep in mind that not all reviewers have 20/20 vision. The small font size is difficult.

What part I liked best: Naruto and Kushina fleeing together. Kushina is relieved that despite the unusual method Naruto did have a good ninja escape plan.

Overall impression: Unusual short ninja story with Naruto and Kushina escaping the ninja and making sure the ninja couldn't hurt anyone else.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say?????
Image #2315526 over display limit. -?-

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

25

#4745680

Review of Off Your Shoulders

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blogging Circle of Friends

Rated: E

| (3.5)