Hello I'm Emily & I would like to wish you a Happy Anniversary with this review!
I think you have a very nice poem here that expresses your feelings very well. One of my favorite lines would have to be "I want to be the light that leads you on." I think your wording here is beautiful.
My only problem with the poem is that most of it is very straightforward. I think the best thing about poetry is that it paints pictures with words by showing the reader what they want to say rather than telling them.
I think your poem could be even better by changing the wording of a few of the lines to make them just as beautiful as my favorite one.
Overall though I think you've done an excellent job with your poem,and remember I am only one opinion, and the decision to change things is ultimately your
I just stumbled across your contest, and I would like to say that I think it is a very good idea. I like short story contests, and I think that you have had quite a few entriging prompts. Honestly, I'm surprised you haven't had more entries each week because the prompts are very interesting and the prizes are extremely good. Just hold tight, and soon I'm sure you'll be getting more entries each week than you can handle
Ways you can help to promote this contest: 1. put a link to it in you signature 2. put it in your "highlighted items" in your port 3. post in review forums because public reviews (like this one ) are seen on the public review page 4 Tell friends and others about it in different forums
I personally am looking forward to entering, and I wish you the best of luck!
P.S. If you ever need a guest judge, I would be happy to help!
This poem "Sleigh Bells" has practically perfect rhythm and rhyme. I love the entire concept of the poem. You say it's about a broken heart being healed by the sleigh bells, and remembering what Christmas is about. It is a great idea, but if you hadn't written the fact that she had a broken heart in the caption, I don't think I would have been able to figure it out. I probably would have guessed that she was upset about something, or forgot the meaning of Christmas, but I don't see where the broken heart plays into it. You may consider changing some of the beginning stanzas or even adding a new stanza, to help relay the fact that she's upset because of a broken heart, not whatever else.
I also love the descriptions you use in the poem. One of my favorites being "The breath of the horses making clouds in the night." It just seems so REAL, and easy to picture.
Overall, wonderful job with this piece of poetry, and
Hello Sandra, I am here to give my feedback and suggestions from:
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Your piece "You are What you Eat" is a pretty good story, but it left me wanting more. I think you could easily expand this into a story that's a little bit longer. It would make it better I think if you expanded on what you're saying. For example, when he's turning into a potato chip, you could describe the sensation more. Another place you could expand is the end. It's pretty unrealistic that a mother would just go eat dinner and not even worry that her son is gone. She could call the police, and they could look for him, and eventually you could say she never saw him again (or could she eat him? just an idea).
I do have some grammatical suggestions.
In line 1 you spell potato "potatoe". You have an extra "E".
Line 3, put a comma instead of a period after "eat" to end the quotation.
Line 4, place a comma after annoying instead of a period, you you should get rid of the extra "always" and put a semi colon (;) after "eat", the word "to" is "too" here, and "mom" should be capitalized since it's a name.
Line 5: You say he is "getting" stressed in present tense, when the rest of the piece is past, so you could say, I started to get stressed. And "that means double my usual isn't a sentence." You could add it on to the one before it and say "I started getting stressed more than usual." Put quotations around "junkaholic" (like so).
Line 8: Make a new paragraph of "Wait I forgot something; I need my chips." and put it in italics since that's what he's thinking.
Line 9: Put a comma after bed, and after under.
Line 10: Expand on how he becomes a chip, and put a comma after move.
Line 11: Describe where the pain shot through. Create a new paragraph and italicize Outch to still.
Line 12: A comma after there instread of a period. Create a new paragraph and italicize Okay to me. Then create a new paragraph and expend of "mY mom walked into my room.
Line 14: Italicize "Where" to "Jimmy's", put a comma before mom, and capitalize "Mom."
Line 15: Create a new paragraph and italicize "what a mess". Again, capitalize Mom. Combine the last two sentences. I will repeat that it is unrealistic that a mother would that easily give up on her child, so expand upon this.
Hello Sandra!! I am here to offer my feedback and suggestions from:
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Now I think your poem "Messy Room"is a good attempt, but I don't think it flows quite right. I like the concept, and you have some good aspects to the poem, but I don't think they all fit together.
One thing that might be a factor is that your rhyme pattern is somewhat random along with the size of your stanzas. Another thing is that you have no punctuation whatsoever, (besides the exclamation points at the end) and I suggest that you put commas after lines 1, 2, 4, 6, 9,10,11, and 14. And put periods after the rest of the lines. It will make it a little less confusing for the reader, and create less guesswork as to where to pause.
In last line of stanza 2, you say "And I won't decline to say," and then you go into stanza 3 with "I have a very messy room". You should put "I have a very messy room" into stanza 2 to fix this.
I think you might want to consider changing your word choices, because the entire poem is very straightforward. Nothing in it I would consider really poetic, but I will say again I like the concept of your "messy room", but you have some work to do.
Please don't take anything I've said too harshly. I definitely don't mean it that way! I just want to help you to create this poem into the best it can be.
My first impression of this piece is that it is a sweet and lovely, but at the end I had a feeling that I wanted to read more. I want to know who these people are, what led up to this fateful kiss, and what happens next? I think you could easily turn this into a longer story, where this section could be placed somewhere in the middle of it.
I feel the self consciousness of the woman, and I can feel the love between them. Your descriptions are wonderful, and I would like to praise to immensely.
I only have a few grammatical suggestions for you. When you have dialogue, you don't use any punctuation at the end in two places: after "maybe" and "... next time", I suggest putting a period here, and maybe reinforcing who is speaking. Another thing, you say "your lips caessed my throat and my breath got caught again". Here I suggest replacing "and" with "as", and maybe changing it to "as I caught my breath." One more: "Your arms would around my waist helping me up." I believe "helping" should be changed to "help".
Wonderful Courtney! Thank you for sharing this with me and WDC!
A wonderful poem that truly speaks from the heart. I really love the second to last stanza ("so here I sit sad and lonely waiting for the one and only") which really is meaningful and conveys a message and a picture of the loss without her .
Hello and Welcome to WDC!! I am reviewing on behalf of
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Now I think this is a very fine start to a book and I highly encourage to continue writing it, and I will be sure to stop by and continue to read!
Just a minor suggestion though. You have wonderful dialogue in this story. However, double spacing might make the story a little bit more reader friendly. It is a little intimidating in it's current state (single spaced), but not to worry, fixing this is easy. Go into your portfolio and click 'edit' to the right of this piece, and then scroll down and you'll see a box that says "preserve spacing" and below that "double space paragraph's". Check the "double space paragraph's" and you will be all sett.
Overall this is a wonderful story, and the dialogue is wonderful.
Wow that's amazing! I'm no poet, but I love it! It expresses just how I think I would feel if I ever went camping (I never have)! I can very easily visualize the "thousand hostile eyes" in the forest, and I feel the regret of the narrator for going to the forest who would trade anything to go home. Excellent writing, I'm glad to have read it!
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