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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/eskay
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222 Public Reviews Given
222 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Misplaced Cargo  
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Very interesting - is this the first part, or did I come in late? Would make for a great base for a comic strip, was my thought. Could do with some fleshing out (unless you've built the background earlier that I missed) on details and characters. Might help to also revisit it for edits and flow (particularly the dialogue).

Best wishes
sk
2
2
Review of Sword poem  
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Coo-ool! I liked the concept of 'shaping' a poem, literally - very interesting imagery of a textual kind. Did you do away with punctuation with a purpose? That was a bit distracting to me. You may also wish to review it for typos, etc. I also thought there's somewhat a contradiction between:

"...I have lost
many and
won none..."

and

"...today I'm
victorious..."

But perhaps I'm taking it too literally *Smile*...In any case, a very interesting experiment...

All the very best.

sk
3
3
Review of The Big Regret  
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Ummm...very well constructed...mostly a good rhyme scheme and cadence, almost rap-like in its beat (I'm no expert, so this is not a technical input)...good build-up to an inevitability that you've prepared the reader for...

...And yet, there seems something missing or out of place. I felt the strengths of this work (rhyme, rhythm, beat) to take away from the sorrow. You might want to go over it again - it has strong potential - and find the lyrics for a beautiful song that are already right in there.

Write on.

best
sk
4
4
Review of FLYIN' BACK HOME  
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Wow! Pretty much an epic poem, huh?! Must've been really unpleasant, and yet I can only admire your spirit that you chose to let your reason rhyme. Also gives an insight into your evolved mind - despite being forced to suffer such indignity and unfairness (when you were already sad and tired), you didn't lose your cool with the airport staff.

On another note, if you were weepy leaving Dublin wouldn't that make it your real home? No, I get what you mean - but since this is poetry...

I thought it was also very impressive that the rhyme scheme flows so easy - you seem to be a natural.

Suggestion: Review for typos.
Overall view: Excellent piece.

best
sk

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5
5
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Ok, now I know - and almost wish I were too *Smile*! Very elegantly crafted piece with a nice rhyme scheme. I've traveled to Scotland and did want to visit Ireland - and now I realize what I missed back then. Anyway, I guess another time. In India we have people who identify very closely and with deep pride with the regions they come from - so I found it easy to relate to what you were saying. Glad I read this.

best
sk

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6
6
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Happy St. Patrick's Day! *Smile* Since culturally I haven't had much of a connect with this festival, your little ditty gave me good insight into what goes into remembering the good ol' saint. I had heard about the story of how he chased away the snake and since then there are no snakes in Ireland. Interesting that you referred to that in your poem. Thanks for sharing this - have a blast!

best
sk

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7
7
Review of The Gift of Gab  
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hmm...just as I was about to plow into the review seriously, I read your description of the piece. I was gonna ask if you'd done this in a bit of a hurry for a contest or something - bingo! It has all the potential to be a great little short story in the O' Henry-isque genre. But I did think it needs quite a bit of fleshing out - you may want to think about that. You have certainly written it well, if in a bit of a scramble.

best
sk

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8
8
Review of My Irish Lass  
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very nice piece - and one I'm sure that won you brownie points big time with your wife *Smile*! Straight from the heart, simple and sweet - you've written it almost effortlessly, I could sense. Also how much you both mean to each other - something that will gladden the heart of every reader I'm sure. Suggest only that you may wish to review it for punctuation, etc. All the very best and do stay in love with each other forever!

best
sk

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9
9
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Ok, now you've tempted me!

Once there was a wanna-be writer
Who wished he could be brighter
So he read what others wrote
And over their mistakes gloat
Then head for the bar to get tighter.

(That was dedicated to me - and no, my computer didn't compose it in my honor! *Smile*)

Very amusing piece and I really liked the neat plot and the Irish spin you put on it, although I thought the romance was a bit rushed - there I go with my nit-picking. You're obviously an excellent writer with a great sense of plot, build-up, and the ability to give the tale a twist. I saw in your bio that you're trying NOT to be grammatically perfect, but did wonder if you can "wipe at"...is it accepted American usage?

Overall: Made me grin!

Thanks for putting this out.

best
sk

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10
10
Review of Fireworks  
Review by eskay
Rated: E | (4.0)
Happy Anniv! Brilliant imagery - no wonder you won a prize for this! I love shooting fireworks (with limited success *Smile*) - and this brought back a lot of those moments that I missed, since I was too busy clicking. I wouldn't be surprised to see you published soon! All the very best.

sk

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11
11
Review of The Girl  
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very interesting reflection on the male perspective about 'the' woman. I liked the simple style and the unforced narration of your insights into this unending male-female mating ritual that perhaps makes life interesting for many people. Although I couldn't relate to parts of it personally - since I believe in commitment that comes from within - I'm aware that men and women keep at this guessing game. Perhaps it's one way of trying to zero in on 'the' one. While you've put it very well, I don't understand why people can't just ask - instead of guessing whether one or the other or both are 'with' someone else! But then, I guess, some do and some don't. Or perhaps the mystery makes it the more interesting. Thanks for sharing.
12
12
Review of Legacy  
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow! George, another masterful little piece that says so much in so few words! Very glad I read it. Not only is it honest, but it ought to have universal appeal. Every word rang true - how we humans arrogate so much to our individual little existences to the exclusion of all else. If more people thought like this it would truly signal the dawn of the Golden Age. May you have all that you asked for!

best
sk
13
13
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is truly scary stuff - I sincerely hope it's all fiction. But I guess there are a lot of such dysfunctional families (and parents who don't deserve to be parents - who only deserve to be in correctional facilities for life!) and the kids get the worst of it. It's certainly a very disturbing account and style and flow are excellent - conjuring up a real journal of such a teen. Only suggestion is that you may wish to edit it for grammar, spelling, typos, punctuation, etc. All the best!
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Review of Am I...  
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Beautiful. Gave me goose-pimples *Smile*. Especially the stanza that goes:

"Am I...
that girl whose days had turned bleak,
smiled instead, and kissed your cheek?
Who loved you enough--to set you free
and once out of sight, dropped to my knees?"

Superb how you've rhymed it all the way without contriving to do so - and without a flicker in the flame of its spirit. Just one thought - purely my opinion: The first two lines seem incongruously light-hearted, given the depth the rest of the poem has. But perhaps you meant it to be so. Loved your compassionate understanding of love.

best
sk
15
15
Review of Just a Dream  
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi and welcome to WDC! Looks like you've gotten off to a rocking start with this fascinating (self?) analysis of an individual who's almost given up and is yet hoping to find meaning -- in himself, the world and his role therein. You've expressed yourself brilliantly, graphically, evocatively, and with your reason steering steady in a raging sea of emotions.

I particularly liked the fascinating imagery in this part - and how it neatly supports your argument:

"Like a smoken cigarette thrown out the window of a speeding car in the darkness of night. And we don't look back unless only for once just to watch as it collides with the asphalt and explodes into a million sparks. It's last brilliant show before it fades away from sight and memory. That is death in all it's shinning hopelessness."

I could connect with a lot of what you said - but, honestly, couldn't have expressed it like this!

Thank you for sharing this. Only suggestion is that you go through it for typos/edits.


". . .We die and are laid to the ground like trash to the landfield. . ." (landfill)

". . .Like a smoken cigarette thrown out. . ." ('smoked')

". . .To bad I found it a little to late. . ." ('too' in both places).
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Review of My wife...  
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Delighted me to understand how much you both must mean to each other - God bless! You're the sort of couple I'd like to point out to people who claim that no marriage is happy - although I guess each has its challenges. I'm sure your wife loved it!
17
17
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Wow! For an 18-year-old you seem to have evolved decades beyond your chronological years. From your intro, I can already make out that this promises to be a truly mature - and compassionate - view of religion, society, mores, morals, and the sheer beauty and joy of living. Please do alert me whenever you post each installment. I'd be glad to go through it and review. It's a very honest start to what I'm sure is going to be a very publishable journal. Or you could even think of it as your base for a thesis in philosophy.

Just a couple of issues.

1. Although it's very well written and lucid - I would suggest going over it for typos/punctuation/that kind of stuff.
2. You might wish to review it for length of sentences and paragraphs - shorter ones make for easier reading.

All the very best - and write right on!

best
sk
18
18
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very, very cool story - Cyril. And unlike the last one I reviewed, this one was chilling - not creepy *Smile*! Gripping narrative, taut with suspense, and a very neat Orwellian twist to it. The coins are of course the icing on the cake. Hope you're planning to publish this. Suggest you go through it once more though for typos/minor errors such as with tense as below -

". . .When I reach the platform I saw before me a vision of Bedlam!. . ."

Great read - thanks for sharing this.

best
sk
19
19
Review of What's Left is Me  
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Way to go, Deej! One of those pieces that are sure to strike a chord in many of us when we're down, but not out. Interesting style - very little by way of punctuation, the lines themselves providing the pauses and sparse capitalization. Was this by intent? If not, perhaps you may wish to go over it once more. Also like the free verse/rhyme rhapsody that you seem to have allowed to happen as it did. Thanks for sharing this.
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Review of The Silence  
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Well-written, of course - and I liked some of your expressions. I guess the 'why' wasn't as important as the 'what' of it - which is what your character seems to have discovered. And that we can remember - but not relive - past joys. What isn't clear from the story (to me, at least) is whether it was a really deep relationship of hearts gone sour or something that was merely skimming the surface.
21
21
Review of In Dreams  
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Very well told with a chilling climax - but I came away feeling there was more. For instance, if she loved him so much (that's what seems to come through) what was it that went wrong, or if she hated him so much for years what was reason? What did his best friend have to do with it? I guess their affair is implicit - but somehow I think some more exposition might make it a much stronger story. Other than that, a great read!
22
22
Review of Here I Am  
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I liked this piece for its soul, simplicity - and the resonance it found within me. Welcoming nature into your heart is a great way to bring all creation close to you - and feel the oneness of everything. All the best!
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23
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hmm...very interesting piece - liked how you've linked a children's game (and training tool) to something that could be life-changing. Although I'm personally not sure about planned action - especially when it comes to relationships (close ones including friends and family), I believe that if both individuals are transparent and trusting of each other there isn't much to strategize vis-a-vis each other. I know you weren't talking from the narrow focus of 'the relationship'. Of course, planning is good for shared and individual goals and vision - and I liked your middle-path. Yeah, it's an interesting journey - whether pre-destined or fueled by free will or a combination of both! Thanks for sharing this short little piece that said so much in so few words - and made me think, to boot!
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Review of The Head Waiter  
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Wow - very difficult to read through (no, your writing is lucid enough *Smile*)! Excellent story and a brilliant twist in the tail - or, rather, head. Great going. But very creepy!
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Review of Instructions  
Review by eskay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Nice - I like how you relate things you're probably learning in school to what you experience. Would certainly suggest though to go through it for typos/choice of words. Overall a very good effort. All the best.
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