I thought this poem was very sweet. I like how you made the poem into a journey that takes you from the comfort of the tree only to guide you back to it.
My only gripe is that you don't say what took you away from the tree. Was it war or family issues or what? I'd love to know what made you have to leave this paradise. Also, you start the second stanza with "Sometimes" instead of "My love". It's just a little confusing.
Those are my only problems with it. You have a very loving poem that can become a very easy five with a little more description. I look forward to reading more of your writing.
This is a very insiprational tale. The ability to hit rock bottom and climb back up to regain your life. You did some things in this story that I really liked. There were a few really good phrases like "starry camera sky" and "limited as a human being". Calling your roommates by single letters was also a very interesting view into your psyche.
However, the one thing that really brings this down is the rampant use of parenthesis. I have always felt that parenthesis are used when you refuse to write more of the story. All of these could have been integrated into the story for more dramatic effect instead of being there as an after thought.
That is my only issue and it's a very technical one at that. This is a story that should be shared with anyone who feels that there is no other way to feel happy other than to hurt themselves. I applaud your recovery and being able to realize when you've hit rock bottom. I hope this story is read by those who need to read it.
Wow. This is a really heavy piece of writing. Extremely well done. It gives the impression that you both love and spite your loved ones. Man, I wish I could describe this in some sensible way, but this is just good poetry. I can't see anything wrong with this at all, so it's a 5.0. Great stuff.
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