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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/fcneko
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2 Public Reviews Given
4 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Technical Bleed  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Interesting. Bizarre location that is hard to locate - is it this world or another? Robo and android parts, energy rather than food. Your characters seem 'fleshed out' if you'll forgive the pun, but the world seems rather secondary. Not sure if you intended it that way. I'm certain this is but part of a larger piece, so I'd be interested in hearing about Jez's clan and its fall. Better'n average, but there are many unanswered questions.
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Review of The Blind  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Couple of things - First, cut back on the use of adjectives straight off. I got lost in the word choices you made to describe Angelo, which made me lose track of the story. Second, while it's sometimes useful to describe your character immediately, it could work to your advantage to actually describe him until he's looking in the mirrors in the hall. Third, allude to, but don't specifically reference third-party 'cyberpunk' stories/movies/etc. Take out the use of the Matrix (since that makes folks think of the movie, rather than what you mean) and use the 'net or something similar. Finally, you've got what looks like a good potential plotline laid out, but I don't get a feeling of urgency from the way you've written it. If he's in trouble, why don't I feel that from the minute you start writing about him? Wouldn't he be terrified of his ex-employers? Shouldn't the reader feel that from the moment you start?

Hope this isn't too much, and remember, it's only to HELP!
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