I love your use of words. It brings to mind such visions.
"Do you starve for this visionary
to fill your void?
Do I weave my tapestry of fantasy,
black peeled away by light?
Be my eyes tonight." <-- my favorite
Thank you for the note at the end because I was thinking the same thing.
Thank you for sharing this and good luck in the contest!
What a sad life. You were able to bring to life their mundane existence.
I think these lines of your poem sum it all up. They do what they can to survive their world.
"It’s the hen house keckle
We laugh - we chuckle.
We be zebras of a different stripe
With or without the hype.
In madness and despair
Of purgatory - all beware."
Thank you for sharing this and good luck in the contest.
Oh my gosh, the ending had me so sad. Poor Jonathan had finally found something that brought him happiness and it was taken away. My heart went out to him so many times throughout the story. I couldn't stand the way his father treated him.
I wish there was something more positive that would have taken place in the ending. Even if it was his dad treating him better.
I thought this was a cute story. You created characters that were relatable. I like that Javed was able to see past Saima's outside and see the potential beauty on the inside. I do have a few suggestions.
The appealing smell of tea waved from the kitchen. Change waved to wafted.
“Saima, won’t you go to office today?” An elderly woman asked.I would suggest inserting the in between to and office.
Nasira actually meant: “How old are you?” Even a month before, the thirty-six-year-old lady got a proposal from a forty- year- old. The relationship did not establish only because the man’s mother thought that Saima was “too old” for her son.I was kind of lost here. I didn't know if you were referring to Saima or Nasira. Towards the end I am assuming it is Saima because you mention her, but you might want to clarify that a little more.
Again, these are just suggestions. Thanks for sharing your story. Write on!
A lovely poem. It is so true when it comes to mothers. Their love is unconditional. Your mother must of cried when she read this. I know I would have if my daughter wrote this. :)
Wow, well happy birthday to you! Five years is a long time and I can see you love WD.C. I can understand why because I am new and I already love it. :) I hope you receive lots of seeds.
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The appealing smell of tea waved from the kitchen. Change waved to wafted. 