I like this poem too! Love the feeling I get knowing that these people are free now. And, with their own land even! I really like the part where the kids are dancing around and making mud pies. Thank you for sharing your work with the rest of us. Keep writing and I'll keep reading!
Melissa
Wow! I really like this poem. It's pretty sad in a way. I don't see any mistakes. I would like to see more poems on here like this one, love your style! I am also looking forward to reading more of your work. Keep writing and I'll keep reading!
Melissa
Like all good first chapters, this makes me want to keep reading. I didn't notice any mistakes but usually I'm not too picky about that. I like the main character and the way you use the dialouge makes her seem more real. Keep writing and I'll keep reading!
This poem makes me want to cry because in a lot of ways I can relate to this poem. The mistakes in this poem are few and the only reason I am not going to point them out is because I write poetry mostly when I am upset and however it comes out is how I write it and how I leave it because to me that shows true emotion. The feeling that you get from a poem should be more important that punctuation, spelling, and all that junk! Great poem, Keep Writing!
Melissa
This is the first poem I have ever read about bowling. I enjoy bowling and think this is a good poem for others that like to bowl. I agree with the fact that people think that bowling is easy, but it IS easy for someone that only sits there to watch! Write On!
Melissa
I really like the poem. I like how you worded it. It makes me think I am in a different time period. There isn't anything that could make this poem any better than it is. I didn't notice any mistakes. Please continue to write poems like this and the others that I read! Write On!
Melissa
This poem pretty much describes a cowboy to me. There could be a little more descriptive words ut overall I think that it is well written. There aren't any mistakes that I noticed in this poem. It was pretty enjoyable. Keep writing, you are doing great!
Melissa
This is beautiful, heart-warming story. I really like your writing style too. I'm used to reading things that mothers write about their children. It is so nice to see when a father does it! Please continue to write and share your creativity with the world.
This is a really sad story but it is very well written. I sympathize with Lee and actually feel sorry for him when the chair malfunctions but not the fact that he got the death penalty. No one should have to be put in the chair twice! Awesome work keep it up!
Emotional like all of the poems I have read so far. This one is a bit longer and has much more detail than the others. This is another one of my faves. This is my favorite line: Instead, I had to fight
to disown you; I thought you had done
the same with me. It just shows how confused the whole situation made you.
This is so sad, I am sorry that you had to go through all of this. I think it is a good thing that you are turning your situation into art and sharing it with people. These poems make me feel like I know you, even though I haven't the slightest idea who you are.
This poem makes me feel a bit uneasy but the emotions relayed in this poem aren't emotions I usually deal with, so I think I like this uneasy feeling. When I was younger I used to write poetry but I don't feel I was very good at it. This is awesome work! As long as you keep writing them and posting them I will be reading them and rating them.
Melissa
Holy crap, ending was totally unexpected and honestly almost made me cry. I love when poems and stories have that effect on me. This poem made me laugh and then almost cry. Amazing poem definatly deserves to be a 5 star poem, so that is the rating I'm giving you!
Wow, all I can really say after reading all 3 parts of this is....you should definatly keep going, there is so much going on in the story now that ideas can start to form more easily. My only disappointment is that I can't read any more of it. This story leaves me wanting MORE!!!
OK, this part was a lot more detailed than the first part which is exciting because all that means is that your story-telling, and writing skills keep improving! I am really enjoying this story and now I can finally sympathize with Bill's character! Awesome work....I'm on to part 3!!!
This is a pretty interesting lead, the characters are pretty easy to like, I think the only other thing you could add to this first part is a little bit more about Bill and Shannon's relationship that way the audience would be more sympathetic of Bill. At this point in the story it seems like Bill is a piece of crap and it wouldn't matter if he was missing or not. (The way that Shannon speaks of him). Well, I haven't read the other parts yet but I will keep reading and see if it stays that way. Like the story so far keep writing please!
As most of the interactive stories on here, the chapters are short. The story line itself is a good one I just think that there should be a little more detail and a few more choices. Keep working on it and I think this could turn into a great interactive story!
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