*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/frabjous
Review Requests: OFF
237 Public Reviews Given
240 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 ... Next
1
1
Review of Fat Man Dreaming  
Review by Casey
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Well, I didn't think prose could make me cry. I am a poet and only cry when I read poetry. But your writing? Well, you are an exception to my rule. You break-my-heart. You express in your letter what so many of us are feeling these days...worthless, let it all hang out. Forget to shower one day? We'll all survive...even Eddie. There are so many "ex-fathers" and "ex-daughters" in this world and all of them bound up in this stupid epidemic kind of makes life even more tedious! You've said it for all of us and so we can both laugh and cry at the same time. Excellent prose!
2
2
Review of Feeling Grateful  
Review by Casey
Rated: E | (5.0)
LOL. I love this "the great vote disaster". Well, if we don't keep Trump in there, that little stuffed dog may be sitting in a museum someday. No doubt about it. I like your style of writing. I write only poetry and have little patience with most of the short stories on this site, but I like yours. Easy to read! Moves right along. And, I like your ending which made me laugh. Though, really, your story may not be so far from the truth if the Communists on the Left take over our beautiful country.
3
3
Review of Acting Badly  
Review by Casey
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is not a 'review'. Just wanted to say how much I enjoyed reading your poem and the humor! Love the meter and you did a great job with it. All the Best to you as a writer. Jacqueline Casey
4
4
Review by Casey
Rated: E | (3.0)
Well, first , I think your title is all wrong. The writer of this poem is certainly not 'apathetic'; far from it! Actually the writer of this poem is churning with frustration even though they say they have no 'energy' to go on. All writers feel what you express in your poem at one time or another. You want feedback for whatever you are writing and yet, no one seems to have the time or desire to help. I'll admit I do not want to spend my time responding to wordy short stories. They totally bore me! I am only interested in poetry and spend my time with that genre. I respond to very few poems. It takes too much time away from my writing, though I know I learn something more every time I TAKE THAT TIME to review someone else.

As for finding the help you need or I need? All I can say is your DESIRE to write must overwhelm all other problems. If you are ignored, forget it and keep writing. You must Dig for it! If you need answers as to form, dig for it on the internet. Seek and ye shall find. Seek the best poets, study them; read them and try to copy their form for awhile. Do the copying long enough and you will begin to find your own wings. You won't need the great ones anymore. Read and study the work of others as much as you write! You should be 50/50. Writing is a solitary world yet that is exactly what you need to be able to write. You don't need interruptions. You WANT solitude!
You say you are Asian. Well I am Irish. I don't think writing talent belongs to any particular race or gender. So, you say you want feedback. Ok. Here it is. Turn your poem into what is call blank verse. Blank verse is daDUM, daDUM, daDUM, daDUM, daDUM for each line. I will give you the first line: "I'm SHRI viled UP inSIDE just LIKE a PRUNE". Finish up your poem and email back to me. You will have learned all about blank verse by then. All the best Casey
5
5
Review by Casey
Rated: E | (3.5)
I appreciate the thought you have put into what I would call a 'mini-essay'. There is a lot of truth in what you say. Your title good because it 'caught' my attention forcing me to go there to read. I have a few suggestions for the actual writing. First sentence good, invites me to read on. Second sentence needs to be cut with period at 'discomfort'. Begin new sentence at "People" (this is a long sentence, but works even tho it is a tad too long). Next sentence should read: "The point is don't trust or be dependent on others so easily."
Your last sentence good: just needs to be cleaned up a little, so the reader doesn't stumble through. For example; "Remember: only parents are there when all others may leave you. When you're in trouble, only parents will be there."

I think you have the promise of a great essayist, so keep writing!
6
6
Review of To Be Pure Again  
Review by Casey
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hello, my name is Casey and I am reviewing 3 selections from your Portfolio For Wheel of Torture, #51, Game of Thrones Contest.

This is the third poem, entitled: " To Be Pure Again", #994603.

My FIRST REACTION to your poem is sympathy for the way the writer feels about self. Self image is so important to us, especially when we are so young and innocent. The people who make a child have such feelings should be punished but often are not. Child abusers are never caught or punished for their actions because their victims are too afraid to speak up. And often, children in all their innocence are not believed when they try to tell someone what happened!

The SUBJECT of your poem, the grief for that so-call "loss of purity" sounds like what I was brought up on via a Southern Baptist background! I no longer believe such hogwash! Anyone reading your poem knows it is not the writer who lost their purity. It is the abuser who lost theirs! Attitude is everything in life so be willing to forgive yourself, forget it and move on! It was not your fault. And even if you chose it, a child is not capable of making adult sexual decisions! As soon as one adopts the attitude you did nothing wrong, you are no longer 'dirty', forever! Your soul is clean and free to dream as it always was anyway! Whoever abuses your body cannot touch your soul! Surely you know this!

The TONE or MOOD of your poem? One of regret and sadness.

SUGGESTIONS for Improving your poetry. I think you might try writing longer lines of verse in order to 'free' yourself up. Try writing iambic pentameter for a change and see if you do not like where it takes you.


Thanks for sharing your poem with me. Write on!
7
7
Review of Jewish Injustice  
Review by Casey
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hello, my name is Casey and I am reviewing 3 selections from your Portfolio For Wheel of Torture, #51, Game of Thrones Contest.

This is the 3rd selection for review entitled "Jewish Injustice".

My FIRST REACTION to your article about the facts surrounding a small Polish village during the 2nd World War is how despicable war is and how man's inhumanity to man never ceases to amaze me. I remember as a child viewing a typical war movie of the 1940's (Ann Sheridan); can't remember name of film, and how the people formed underground units to fight the Germans. I remember the story so vividly after all these years and the wicked mayor who collaborated with the Germans and aided them in destroying his own people just to save his own hide.

The SUBJECT of your article states there were 1600 murdered in that small town of Jedwabne, Poland. Researching today, I found that after extensive research, investigators determined it was 340 innocent souls who were marched to the barn that day and burned alive.
Here is passage from my reading today: "The figure of 1,600 or so victims cited in Neighbors was “highly unlikely, and was not confirmed in the course of the investigation.”
“At least forty (Polish) men” were perpetrators of the crime. As for the remainder of Jedwabne’s population, IPN deplored “the passive behavior of the majority of the town’s population in the face of the crime.” However, IPN’s finding of "utter passivity" shown by the majority of Jedwabne’s population is very different from the statement on page 7 of ‘Neighbors’ that “half of the population of the town murdered the other half.” The majority of Jedwabne residents were “utterly passive,” IPN found, and they did not participate in the pogrom.
A number of witnesses had testified that the Germans drove the group of Jewish victims from Jedwabne’s town square to the barn where they were killed (these testimonies are found in the expanded 203-page ‘Findings’ published in June 2003). IPN could neither conclusively prove nor disprove these accounts. “Witness testimonies vary considerably on this question.”
“A certain group of Jewish people survived” the massacre. Several dozen Jews, or according to several sources approximately one hundred Jews, lived in a ghetto in Jedwabne until November 1942, when the Jews were transferred by the Germans to a ghetto in Lomza, and eventually died in Treblinka. The seven Jews hidden by the Wyrzykowski family were not the only survivors."


SUGGESTION for IMPROVEMENT: When writing articles based on historical fact, double-check the facts and figures. I enjoyed reading your account of what happened to that Polish town during the 2nd World War.


Thanks for sharing your article. Write on!
8
8
Review by Casey
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (3.5)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hello, my name is Casey and I am reviewing 3 selections from your Portfolio For Wheel of Torture, #51, Game of Thrones Contest.

This is the Third poem I found entitled "Pink fluffy unicorn (structured)", #2117186. I am assuming the speaker in the poem is disclosing the sad tale about 2 fluffy unicorns.
It seems that Pete, the unicorn, is in the middle of unrequited love. He is attracted to a "she" unicorn. The narrator of the story does not mention her name.

My FIRST REACTION to your poem is sympathy for Pete, the unicorn. Pete is in love but that love is not returned.

The SUBJECT of your poem, Pete's consternation and grief over making no headway with his intended love who seems not to want to cooperate as she is already in love with a guy in Greece, name of 'Troy'.

The TONE or MOOD of your poem? Matter-of-fact. I'm not convinced that Pete is really that upset about the whole thing.


SUGGESTION for IMPROVEMENT: You do include in title the word "structure" so I assume you mean you have balanced stanzas of 4 lines each. And each last line has the word 'unicorn' or 'unicorns'. My one suggestion for even more structure in your poem is to pay attention to meter. If, for example, you had written it in blank verse, it might flow with more smoothness: using iambic pentameter (daDUM,daDUM,daDUM,daDUM,daDUM))

The hills are filled with cotton candy breeze
where frolics pinkish unicorns so grand.
They play upon the beach where there's pink sand
where girlish, pinkish unicorns will tease.
Now,Pete, the fluffy unicorn sees mate
He neighs to her and tells her she is late.
She tosses fluffy mane and states: "It's fate":
Her character, a flirty unicorn. ................etcetera, etcetera


Thanks for sharing your thoughts about pink unicorns. Write on!
9
9
Review of CUTE AS CAN BE  
Review by Casey
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hello, my name is Casey and I am reviewing 3 selections from your Portfolio For Wheel of Torture#51, Game of Thrones Contest.

This is the second poem I found entitled "Cute As Can Be", #2130823. I am assuming the speaker in the poem is talking about passing on an imaginary character (the dragon) that she once played with to her own child.

My FIRST REACTION to your poem is recognition that the poem is probably written for a child.

The SUBJECT of your poem, an imaginary dragon.

The TONE or MOOD of your poem? Happy and forward-looking

FAVORITE part of the poem: when speaker in the poem realizes how much fun her little child may have from that same imaginary dragon she once played with.

SUGGESTION for IMPROVEMENT: "Him and my best friend will have so much fun". Change "HIM" to "HE", since he is the subject of your sentence. The subject is always HE. The OBJECT (him) is always on the other side of the sentence. If I say "I gave the dragon to HIM (object of the sentence) then that would be correct. But you cannot say "HIM gave the dragon to HE! (see the difference? The word, "Him" will always be the object. The word, "he" will always be the subject in front of the verb (the action word).


Thanks for sharing your cute little imaginary dragon with me. Write on!
10
10
Review by Casey
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (3.0)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hello, my name is Casey and I am reviewing 3 selections from your Portfolio For Wheel of Torture #51, Game of Thrones Contest.

This is the first poem I found entitled "If I Ruled the World". I am assuming the speaker in the poem is talking about what he would do if he ruled the world for only one day.

My FIRST REACTION to your poem is that all the ways you choose for ruling are admirable. You are going to be kind to everyone and not judge them if they do not think exactly as you do.

The SUBJECT of your poem, that is, your actions are all those of a leader any nation would like. You are going to make sure no one goes hungry and no one would ever fight in a war again. The term you use (feeds) should be replaced with another term. The word, "feeds" refers to an animal. Animals might "feed upon" but humans usually eat. Sometimes we might say "he feeds upon the ills of society" but that is not the type of hunger you are referring to here.

The TONE or MOOD of your poem? I would say philosophical, that is, the speaker has a theory of how one person might act should he have the power.

SUGGESTION for IMPROVEMENT: Some of your words need to be changed. For example: "To be conscientious and "EXCEPT" other people" is wrong use.

The word should be "ACCEPT" instead of EXCEPT. You may look the two words up to see how they are used differently in a sentence. Example: "I like all vegetables EXCEPT spinach." (so EXCEPT is beginning of a conditional or prepositional phrase that is not part of the main subject/verb ( I like all vegetables) structure of your sentence.
Proper use of ACCEPT is a verb: Example: "I will accept your approval."

Another Line from your poem: "other people and their "believes" is wrong.

"Believes" is a verb and should be replaced with the noun, "BELIEFS" in your line, above. Here is example of "believes":
HE believes in fairy tales". A "belief" is a noun. Example of sentence with 'belief' or 'beliefs': "My beliefs may differ from yours."


Thanks for sharing your poem with me. Write on! email me at <jackiecasey@att.net> if you have grammar questions.


11
11
Review by Casey
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hello, my name is Casey and I am reviewing 3 selections from your Portfolio For Wheel of Torture #51, Game of Thrones Contest.

This is the 3rd poem #231668 I found entitled "No Love At First Sight".


My FIRST REACTION to your poem is understanding how ,upon meeting someone for the first time you might even consider them 'ugly', yet you will later be attracted to them because of their actions. I smiled, remembering how I first felt about my future husband who eventually became the love of my life, so I can relate to your poem. We met, age 12 at Junior High School dance and were together for 62 years! I did not like him at first. He was not my idea of the hero I had in my young, naive, unsophisticated mind. So you can't assume a book by its cover or your first impression correct, right?

The SUBJECT of your poem describes that person whom you refer to as 'ugly'.

The TONE or MOOD of your poem? Philosophical.

FAVORITE part of the poem: your discussion of how you learned to trust again.

SUGGESTION for IMPROVEMENT: I like your poem as it stands. There is some thought by you in its arrangement of increasing lines for each new stanza as you learn to trust and love again. This poem is what I refer to as "free verse".

Your poem brings to mind how, falling in love is taking a chance but you must be willing to take that chance or you may never find love. And, bad experiences in the past can really make you wary as the writer seems in the first stanza.

An interesting poem...

Thanks for sharing. Write on!
12
12
Review of Sun  
Review by Casey
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hello, my name is Casey and I am reviewing 3 selections from your Portfolio For Wheel of Torture #51, Game of Thrones Contest.

This is the second poem I found entitled "Sun", a long-distance love. I am assuming the speaker in the poem is referring to a real life lover and not a God or an imaginary lover.

My FIRST REACTION to your poem: The speaker seems to be talking about a spiritual love as in a connection to God in this poem. The reason I assume this is the reference to "I waited patiently for the Lord , the psalmist said." But the speaker may mean by this reference she waits patiently for her earthly lover to return.

The SUBJECT of your poem,as I read it, is the love you have for this person is more than just human, but something more than that. You seem to equate your love for this person and the light of love coming from his eyes the same as that life-giving light from the sun.

The TONE or MOOD of your poem? Philosophical

FAVORITE part of the poem: I like the unique reference to the psalmist because I can see him playing on his harp (the Biblical David?) singing to the Lord. Then I hear my favorite, real-life songster/psalmist, Leonard Cohen.

SUGGESTION for IMPROVEMENT: You could easily turn this into a 14 line sonnet (Shakespearean or Petrarchan). You could also make it more interesting by reference to the Biblical psalms. There are some great allusions to loving and lovers in the psalms.

Thanks for sharing your love poem with me. Write on!
13
13
Review by Casey
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (3.5)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hello, my name is Casey and I am reviewing 3 selections from your Portfolio For Wheel of Torture #51, Game of Thrones Contest.

This is the first poem #2061673 I found entitled "Alone in the Silence".


My FIRST REACTION to your poem is sympathy as you express a sense of isolation.

The SUBJECT of your poem seems to be dealing with that sense of silence and isolation we all feel at times.

The TONE or MOOD of your poem? Philosophical.
FAVORITE part of the poem: "alone in silence I am no more"

SUGGESTION for IMPROVEMENT: I think you might consider writing this in blank verse (iambic pentameter). Blank verse does not have to rhyme. Thus: here is your original:

"Sitting here alone in the silence, you come.
You stop and pick me up where I am at
And give me a voice.
You show me how to relate to others
and what to speak.
You give me wisdom and knowledge
to do what I need to do.
Alone in the silence I am no more
since you came along and
picked me up off the floor."

below is rewrite of your poem in iambic pentameter: daDUM, daDUM, daDUM, daDUM, daDUM=5 unaccented syllables & 5 accented):


I SIT a LONE in SI lence AS you COME;
you FIND me IN the STILL ness, PICK me UP
and IN that SI lence, SUD den LY give VOICE.
You SHOW me HOW to SPEAK my MIND to ALL
and GIVE me KNOWledge WHAT I NEED to DO
A LONE, in SI lence, I exSIST no MORE
since YOU have COME to PICK me OFF the FLOOR.

Thanks for sharing your poem. Write on!
14
14
Review of Once we were Gods  
Review by Casey
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hello, my name is Casey and I am reviewing 3 selections from your Portfolio For Wheel of Torture #51, Game of Thrones Contest.

This is the 2nd poem I found entitled "Once We Were Gods", #1897168. I am assuming the speaker in the poem is a mature person, well-versed in Greek Mythology.

My FIRST REACTION to your poem is appreciation for your images referencing how, man at an earlier age looked at the Gods and felt they commanded the sun to rise and the oceans to flow. The speaker seems to be talking about how man, once the center of the Universe, somehow fell out of favor and lost all his power.

The SUBJECT of your poem, as I see it is about Power. That is, power over nature and the universe and power once held over a child, let's say about 5 years old. However, as the child matures, he realizes his father is not the God he thought. Maybe growing up is not so easy. One is misled into thinking he IS the center of the Universe as a baby. Then he thinks his father is the God and at that center. The speaker in this poem seems to regret losing that respect/power he once had from the son.

The TONE or MOOD of your poem? Philosophical. The speaker in this poem seems to be expressing an opinion about the way the world really is and his status in it.

FAVORITE part of the poem: I like all your allusions to Greek Mythology in first part of the poem.

SUGGESTION for IMPROVEMENT: You might consider writing this in blank verse (iambic pentameter}. Blank verse does not have to rhyme. It will give your poem 'good bones' and is fun to write once you learn the rhythmic pattern : daDUM,daDUM, daDUM, daDUM, daDUM for each line.

Thanks for sharing. I enjoyed reading this. Write on!
15
15
Review by Casey
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hello, my name is Casey and I am reviewing 3 selections from your Portfolio For Wheel of Torture #51, Game of Thrones Contest.

#51 Torture says I must review 3 poems each for every member of my team! That is 39 poems! So wish me luck that my brain and typing fingers hold out.

This is the first poem I found in your port, entitled "Dragons...There Be!" After reading it a couple of times, a song formed in my mind: "Oh, Puff, the magic dragon, rose from the deep, and saved our Joanie Pippin, upon the briny sea!" So, now I cannot get that tune out of my head.*BigSmile*

My FIRST REACTION to your poem : I like it! It is fun to read something a little different from what I write. (A rigid iambic pentameter) So, all that long flowing line of verse is very refreshing to an old codger like me. Your verse just kind of sings along, going in every direction, I suppose, as a dragon would do on land or in the sea. The story of this particular dragon moves right along. The part of your poem I like best is the "dragons there be" line repeated throughout. A nice touch that sort of give the poem structure or good bones upon which to build.

The SUBJECT of your poem, I think is his story about saving Joanie Pippin and how she showered him with many great things, like silken articles and a good bottle of bourbon.
The story seems to take a turn for the worst as the ungrateful girl just disappears for no good reason, but maybe in fantasy we need no logic.

The TONE or MOOD of your poem? Upbeat, definitely!

SUGGESTION for IMPROVEMENT: None, that I can think of at the moment. Although we could turn this little narrative about a sea dragon into blank verse. But, never-mind, I like it just as it is!

Thanks for sharing your dragon adventure with me. Write on!
16
16
Review of My Wish  
Review by Casey
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hello, my name is Casey and I am reviewing 3 selections from your Portfolio For Wheel of Torture #51, Game of Thrones Contest.

This is the THIRD poem I found entitled "My Wish". I am assuming the speaker in the poem is in love with the person he/she speaks to in the poem.

My FIRST REACTION to your poem is the speaker is deeply attached to the person and she is speaking directly to the loved one. The speaker wants to be with the other even as he sleeps and the speaker in the poem wants to be a part of his soul.

The SUBJECT of your poem is a wish to always be with the other person and to be a part of their very soul.

The TONE or MOOD of your poem? A sense of longing as speaker reminds the other that "for every caress" should be a reminder of the person who loves them.

FAVORITE part of the poem: where you express your hope he will always feel you in his dreams. It rather reminds me of the old 1940's romantic lyrics "I'll see you in my Dreams" where the girl is missing her lover, away because of his part in the war.

SUGGESTION for IMPROVEMENT: I think you might consider writing this in blank verse which is iambic pentameter. Blank verse does not have to rhyme. Thus:

(Listen to the beat in the iambic pentameter:) daDUM,daDUM,daDUM,daDUM,daDUM

I WISH it COULD be ME a MONG your DREAMS
my ARMS are WRAPPED a ROUND you AS you SLEEP
To BE a PART of HEART beat AS you REST
and AL ways PART ly NEST led IN your SOUL..........etc. You get the picture.

Thanks for sharing this love poem and Write on!




17
17
for entry "Friendship" 
Review by Casey
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Count without WritingML 1,766

Hello, my name is Casey and I am REVIEWING 3 selections from your Portfolio For Wheel of Torture/Game of Thrones Contest.

The First poem does not have a TITLE. But since you are answering the prompt/question "Why is Friendship So Important?", I will use that as the title.

My first reaction to your poem, It is simple, sweet and to the point. When you mention listening without judging, reminds me of my mother! She was a great listener without judging. I think we need that especially when we are young. She never really judged or stopped me from expressing myself. So, a good friend is also a good listener.


The SUBJECT of your poem, "Friendship" equates it with sharing, not just the good times, but also the bad.

The TONE or MOOD of your poem? I would say the tone is uplifting and upbeat as with your words "they stand and cheer for your success".

FAVORITE part of the poem: "They never judge; that's not their way". As with friends, I believe teachers should be cautioned to find a way to 'judge' the student without 'judging' as you say. Sometimes a teacher can influence a young mind for better or worse for the rest of their life.

SYNOPSIS: I think you might consider writing this in blank verse which is iambic pentameter. Blank verse does not have to rhyme. Thus: Your same words but in different format:

The people that you meet throughout your life
Who share your dreams; not only just the strife.
Who lend a heart; not only just a hand
to buffer all your tears as best they can.
They stand and cheer for all of your success
They sit and listen well what you confess
They never judge for that is not their way.
A pillar of support for you each day.

A lovely sentiment in your poem. Thanks for sharing it with me. Write on!
18
18
Review by Casey
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Count: 2,010 without Writing ML

Daily Genre Review (psychology) 1172766 Title: “To Share in Your Garden” , “What could have been had she not been tempted by another.” You might grab more readers with a zippier title, for example, how about: "Escaping Eden!"

Hello, my name is Casey and this is a review in conjunction with the Game of Thrones.

First Stanza discusses what happens, psychologically, when 'eve' plays hard-to-get. It stirs the male imagination and makes him want that thing even more. Your poem is written in 'free verse'. It is very readable and flows well. I like it.

The speaker in the poem admits that, tho he is entrigued, momentarily, he is not prepared to go through all that 'frenzy' this encounter may involve. He needs an 'escape route' (just like a man) in case things do not work out. The speaker's attitude allows the reader to understand this guy is not looking to a positive outcome in his relationship with her in the first place.

Only place where I, the reader, am confused is where you say
“But how to find my way back to that entrance, the main gate? Or, do I jump the fence, AND hope that you won't chase me out? This guy is torn. He has mixed emotions about the whole thing.

Could you say ““or do I jump the fence, OR hope that you won't chase me out?”
It is an either/or situation right?
Last stanza seems to resolve the situation. “ok, I'll go!” IF you don't want me, but my feelings are important, too! Why is it that “EVE” always gets the blame for everything? Again, it is her fault that she betrays Adam and takes that first bite of the apple!

Of course, it was God that Eve betrayed by disobeying him. But, psychologically, Adam (in this poem) seems to take on the role of God, steps in for him and admonishes Eve for her fickle nature. I like your poem. An interesting take on how the other party might be seeing the situation and making a good effort to 'save face', just in case things don't work out.
19
19
Review of First Apples  
Review by Casey
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Character Count: 2085

Review of "First Apples"
 First Apples  (E)
Entry for "The Writer's Cramp" Contest for 10/12/06 (1,034 words)
#1167233 by Budroe


This is a lovely, charming story about a young boy, an old man and a basket of apples.

Hi, my name is Casey and I am reviewing your short story in conjunction with Game of Thrones.

This review not the result of any 'assignment' in particular. I just, luckily, happened upon your story while looking to find a friend's entry in the daily Cramp Contest. Your TITLE: "First Applies" intrigued me in the beginning for I had just written a story about "Scarlett Apples". So, the coincidence made me read on. Anyway, that was my purpose in the beginning.

Your story has that QUALITY of personal, true-to-life, slice-of-life authenticity which made me read on. They say 'write what you know about' and there is truth in that. That old adage seems to work here though you, the writer, may not have actually experienced life in exactly the same way as this 8 year old child.

Your DESCRIPTION of PLACE rings of AUTHENTICITY. Description is vivid and the reader can see your country road on the way to the cluster of mailboxes. And the reader can "see" the old man sitting by the side of the road with his basket of green apples and an old tire swing. Part of my being able to envision this story is that for many years I lived in a little, mountainous town named Murphy, North Carolina and the country roads still look that way today. Of course, your Burpee Seed and Sears-Roebuck catalog seem to suggest an earlier time in our history.

CHARACTER is well-defined in your story: the 8 year old boy and the old man are well-depicted and believable and their relationship 'authentic'.

When reading a piece like you have written, the reader gets to feel that he has been allowed to share something wonderful the writer experienced; his memory of a time long past. The read is allowed to return to another, simpler time when life was lived in a less frantic way than we seem to be living today.

I totally enjoyed your story. I can find nothing that needs correcting. Well written.
Write on!
20
20
Review by Casey
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Word Count: 1,421


Hi, my name is Casey. I am reviewing your essay in conjunction with the Game of Thrones.
I enjoyed reading your essay entitled: "Personal History Justification".

You propose, in your essay, that it is most important we learn as much about our past as possible, not only to enable us to learn from our forefather's mistakes but to plot a more successful future.

You ask questions that may not be easily answered. For example, why did your forefathers choose to get off the boat in South Africa instead of journeying on to New York City?
I guess you would have to determine their age, their goals at that time, and their skills at that particular moment in their lives. Did they have a job waiting for them at that location?

I have had some practice trying to discover who and what my relatives were like via ancestry.com. The problem is when no diary or journal is left behind. Oh, would we not cherish such a diary now? The hard, cold facts of a ships log never tell us what we really need to know. That personal aspect can't be found in the archives of a government book filled with 'data'.

You must be a dedicated 'sleuth' to go forward in your journey to the past. But, if successful in finding out only small things, it gives one a link to their past that is somehow very fulfilling, even when what you discover about your ancestors may not be so lovely.

I enjoyed reading your essay. And, by the way, Happy Anniversary!







21
21
Review of Writing.Com 101  
for entry "The Review Tool" 
Review by Casey
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hello, my name is Casey and I am reviewing the 2nd of 5 randomly selected poems from your portfolio.

My FIRST REACTION to your poem, “Life By Comparison” is why?

I know we all do it; compare ourselves to other's situations, but fate decides who, where and what we are. Why bother with such comparison? Why bother to be envious or bitter if the other guy has it better? He is only moving through life as everyone else. Happenstance pulls the strings. He's just as vulnerable as the next guy if you touch the right chord. The joke is on all of us. All finally face the same old, grim reaper and he laughs at our attention to possessions or station in life and all that precious energy we waste comparing ourselves with others.

The SUBJECT of your poem does interest me as you can see by my reaction.

The TONE or MOOD of your poem? You seem to be implying that those better off are a rather obnoxious group, compared to yourself. But, it does not matter what you think or how you compare yourself to others.

FAVORITE part of the poem: Ah, there you are, standing on the outside. Maybe you are the busboy standing at stiff attention with the towel on your arm. Do you compare your situation with their champagne dinner and their obnoxious confidence?

SYNOPSIS: you seem to hint we are all 'fakers' to a certain extent. At every human level of society, we are all playing a game. We want to be the 'winner' in whatever game we play. We want to be 'better' than the other guy. We want more love than the next guy. Look at me: I am better than he because I won!

My Dad was an alcoholic so, growing up, I was ashamed. I became what they call an 'over-achiever' because I was trying to 'make-up' for the blemish I felt when I compared myself to my girlfriend's situations. They had 'normal' fathers!

I like this deceptive, simple little poem with its simple truth sitting there. What would make their breath (the obnoxious ones) 'catch in their throats'? Both the reader and the poet know the answer to that one.












22
22
Review of Writing.Com 101  
for entry "The Review Tool" 
Review by Casey
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Characters: 1,118

Hello, my name is Casey and I am reviewing the 2nd of 5 randomly selected poems assigned to your name in conjection with Game of Thrones.

My First Impression of your poem, “Life By Comparison” is Why? I know we all do it; compare ourselves to other's situations, but fate decided who you are and where you are and what you are! Why bother? And why bother to be envious or bitter if the other guy has it better? He is only moving through life as everyone else. Happenstance pulls the strings and he is just as vulnerable as everyone else if you touch the right chord in him. The joke is on all of us. The great leveler laughs at all of us and he certainly laughs at all our possessions or station in life or all that wasted energy when we attempt to 'compare' ourselves with others.

The SUBJECT of your poem does interest me as you can see by my reaction to it.

The TONE or MOOD of your poem? You seem to be implying that those better off are a rather obnoxious group, compared to yourself. But, it does not matter what you think or how you compare yourself to others, don't you see?

Favorite part of the poem: Ah, there you are...standing on the outside, (maybe you are the busboy standing at attention with the towel on your arm) comparing and observing their fine dinner with champagne and their obnoxious confidence.

Synopsis: you seem to be hinting at the fact that we are all 'fakers' to a certain extent. At every human level of society, we are all playing a game. I like this simple little poem with its simply stated truth. What would make their breath 'catch in their throats'? Probably the fact that for all we struggle to build in this life in comparison to others, it all comes to nothing in the end. Both the reader and the poet know this.


23
23
Review by Casey
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Character Count: 2,038

Hello, my name is Casey and I am reviewing your story, "Mystery of an Old Photograph" as part of a 3 part review assignment for Wheel of Torture #23 where the review must cover anything written in the "mystery genre".

Old photographs, so precious to many of us, have been known to bring families back together again or at least give us some idea of who and what our ancestors were like. The main character, Jacqueline, finds an old photograph dropped on the street and luckily there is a date on it. And, much like a Nancy Drew mystery story, she begins her investigation by inviting the aid of friends who might be able to help her find out something about the photograph.

She decides to publish the photograph in the local newspaper. Luckily, and this is where the story takes an unbelievable turn, someone recognizes the photo as the one she recently lost near the Star news office. The real life chance of this occurring, I would say, would be rare. And, rarer still would the chance be that some 60 years after the photo is taken, one of the people in the photo would also call the newspaper to say they recognized themselves in the photo! But, life is sometimes stranger than fiction.


Suggestion: This story might move along a little faster if you go back and edit. At least 30 % of it could be cut toward END of story. The element of suspense happens up to the point when the girl's grandfather calls in to say he recognizes the photo. When reader discovers the person who dropped photo on the street will be reunited with her real grandfather, its all downhill from there and difficult for reader to stay awake to the finish because all those events happened too EARLY in your story. I felt like the writer was using 'filler' stuff at the end and could have added denouement in briefer fashion. The subject chosen upon which to write a mystery needs more mystery and twists and turns and pacing before you reach the high point. Thanks for sharing. Good effort. Write on!
24
24
Review by Casey
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Hello, my name is Casey. I discovered your Poem as "Random Read"
29 July, 2017.

First Thoughts, as to Form (theme, mood, rhythm, rhyme): Rhythm is clipped, staccato as I read it, so sort of goes along with your sports theme. Your rhyme makes sense. Seems only strained in a couple of places. Success in any sport the result of repetitive motion and practice, practice, practice! I 'hear' that in your poem.

Favorite Part: "The gasping pleas and expletive cries". Yes! We all know that line all too well. Happens on every golf course or at the Texas Holdem table. I love this part of your poem: "Play begins, wind in our sax;
But roll is what each player lacks." Really neat. (you must be a musician...)
That second verse, 2nd line: you might try "Pizzazz, we've tons, but realize" (8 beats to the kine) seems a little less awkward.


Final thoughts or Suggestions. What may I offer that can help you improve this written effort. This is what I think you may be saying: Even with a lot of practice and skill, you may not come out the winner... but maybe that skill expressed and appreciated by the FEW is the "reward"/cure for never becoming the really big star.


The Secret to good writing is writing. So, edit and then...edit again.
Take what you think you may be able to use from my suggestions and leave the rest behind. After all, YOU are the final Judge!

You are on track! Keep writing! If you have a question about what I have said, don't hesitate to email me. Casey
25
25
Review of misconceptions  
Review by Casey
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Free verse is a mystery to me. I want to seriously try my hand at it someday. I especially like that last, very effective image of her fantasy: a bubble, blown or floating away. I can "see" her entire world map sort of disappearing into nothingness. You seem to write with such ease and are very easy to read and understand. You sound like a mature person or maybe it is your skill with poetry that has matured. A nice read.
82 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 4 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/frabjous