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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ghostly_writer
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8 Public Reviews Given
8 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I stumbled across your piece by way of a ‘random read’ prompt emailed to me from WdC. I’ve been missing for a while, and WcD felt that I needed a kick in the bum. The wheel of chance landed on Buddy and Sally Run for Mayor. Thank you for a sweet story that reminded me of my time in Colorado. As a veteran depositing time in Fort Carson, I know the area. I have had the occasion to visit Guffey, CO; fun times.

I enjoyed your tale. It is humorous, entertaining, and whimsical. Your descriptions are simple but adequate. However, a few sentences were difficult to follow or left the reader wondering who is she/her? She… who. Her… who. You got your money’s worth from the pronouns she and her. References to she and her totaled 30. Possibly, this is a stylistic observation and of no adverse point to the story (or upcoming election). Nonetheless, I enjoyed the read greatly; thank you. Keep writing, warmest high altitude regards. *MountainsB* mjh
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2
Review of Death  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Your piece inspires me to stock on the inevitable outcome, the final chapter known as death. Honestly, your work concerns me, and maybe that was the purpose. If you sought to trigger a reader's feelings of troublesome worry about the author's well-being, you hit the mark. Your not-so-subtle reference to suicide by writing about people's choice of death over life seemed anecdotal, but you seemed to slam the door on that hope with your closing line, in part...all I want is to be dead. There is life after 30, 60 and even 90.

"Death," contains a few grammatical challenges, but not so much that the reader is tripped up. Keep writing, perspective will come. There is nothing more valuable than your tomorrow; may you have many.
3
3
Review of Writing.Com 101  
for entry "Full Screen Edit" 
Rated: E | (1.0)
Your full screen edit tool is horrific. You should ban it's use to prevent writers from losing content. Everyone should be told to create content in MS Word, as a word doc, and import or drag and drop the file into the edit screen window to prevent loss of work. That is my two cents today. Tomorrow, I will rewrite everything that was inadvertently deleted today.
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4
Review of INvasion  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
It is an interesting story, albeit somewhat dark… I enjoyed it. You do have some grammatical/punctuation challenges, but don’t let this slow you down. Your sentence: [The dreams and the voices.] feel incomplete. I also made the assumption that UK spelling was at play, but question: 1) familiarise, and 2) vocalisations.

The story moves fast, and you give the reader the choice of believing that the central character is either bat-$hit nuts or had actually engaged with and was or is carrying parasites that bring about the destruction of humankind. Both were plausible options in your sci-fi tale. I would suggest that you slow the story down and provide more detail. Draw the reader into your world with more detail and plot. I’d love to read a revision; run with it.
5
5
Rated: E | (4.0)
Ending a sentence with "is" often creates an awkward, deflated conclusion to a sentence. Your second line into chapter 4: "A knock on the door rouses me from my sleep, causing me to blind myself from the sunlight pouring through the windows. For a moment, I have no idea where I am, this isn’t my bed, and the ceiling is about as familiar to me as the surface of Mars is..." strands a preposition. Drop IS from your opening line; you don't need it.

I do enjoy the flow of your characters' conversation. It reads like real people talk. Keep writing, good things will come. I need to do the work to find and read your first three chapters; jumping into chapter four raised many questions. Thanks for sharing your work.

Be well...
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