*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/glitchyspoons
Review Requests: OFF
6 Public Reviews Given
6 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of kitapasdsad  
Review by J.T. Alexander
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Beautiful, I would recommend expanding on what you're trying to convey to readers. But it is short and to the point, whatever that point is? Good luck and I wish you the best on ypur writing adventure!
2
2
Review by J.T. Alexander
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
*DoorGr* Awesome name for character


*DoorGr* Awesome name for a town

*DoorGr* I like that it sounds almost like an old-timey detective story "Valley Road is like it sounds, in a valley." and "You may be asking who Frank is." makes it sound that way to me. (Not a bad thing)

*DoorY* Spacing! I know this happens when bringing in text from word and other programs. But if you space your paragraphs it makes it easier for people to read it!

*DoorR* Dialogue needs space, too. I think your character is singing and someone says "hey" at the end. But dialogue shouldn't be cluttered as well!

*DoorR* You may not need that much description for the apartment all at once. Maybe space out the description of the house as the story goes on.
3
3
Review of enough  
Review by J.T. Alexander
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was an enjoyable read. Not a useful review other than I enjoyed this and thank you for writing it. :)
4
4
Review by J.T. Alexander
Rated: E | (4.0)
Sounds like a good start to a story. I would expand on the information that you have up at this moment it feels like you're rushing through skimping on more information that could build the story.

The last few sentences need clarification because it sounds like she ditched her kids...but she's really there still with her kids just thinking about her ditching her kids and is conflicted with having to leave them?

4 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/glitchyspoons