I really liked this story! Two Bright Umbrellas, a great title, by the way, tells the story of two people who have faced a tragic loss together and are possibly facing another one. It's a sad story but there's a sense of hope, too. The writer achieved a nice balance between the two.
Moving on to the technical side of things, I found several errors that should be corrected. I'm almost positive that's supposed to be "tilted": "her head titled". In the sequence when the man is dreaming, he corrects a saying, but instead of "catches the worm", he says "catches the bird". Unless this is supposed to be humorous and there's no indication of it, this is not right. There are a couple more places which need to be fixed, mostly concerning punctuation or capitalization of quotations.
This was a good story, four stars at the very least; correcting the errors would add another half star to my rating.
I found this story via the random review rewards link. The prompt for this one intrigued me so I stayed for the story that followed. I liked what I read. It didn't spell out the entire story and tie everything up with a big bow, but I don't mind that in a very short story. There were enough hints given, Cassandra's attitude for one thing, that I could get a real sense of what was happening.
As for the technical side of things, I caught a few mistakes. There should be a question mark after Dr. Becker's question to Cassandra about her midlife crisis. In the second line, it should be "sat" not "sit". “I didn’t know you drink anything stronger then black coffee.” "I didn't know you DRANK anything stronger THAN black coffee." This should be "self-inflicted", not "self-inflected". These are all minor things, but fixing them will make a good story even better.
I found this dark little tale via the random review rewards link on the home page. "Time Enough", set in the early part of the previous century, tells the story of a woman who takes matters into her own hands to protect herself and her young son. The author does a very good job of setting the tone of the piece, adding details such as a family picture and a visit from an older brother. I was rather surprised at the ending, expecting something much more drastic, but the one written works very well.
As far as the technical side of things goes, what I found was so miniscule as to be irrelevant. " ...If you ever touch Clare or me again, I swear, in the name of Jesus Christ that I’ll kill you..." I'd omit the second comma. {See? I told you it was irrelevant.}
I found this story via the random review link on the home page. I must confess ultra-short fiction is my favorite to write as well as read. Distilling an idea down to a very restricted number of words is quite a bit like poetry. The essence is kept and everything else is chipped away.
I didn't find anything I'd change in the technical side of things. It was a clean copy.
As one who is currently writing a novella which is much longer and more detailed than my usual short stories, I read this piece I found via the random reviews link with great interest. I found several ideas I hadn't thought of which I will do my best to incorporate in my own work. And as one who has an affinity with The Wizard of Oz and a certain witch, I couldn't help stopping to read it.
On to the mechanics of the piece: I really hope this is intended as a rough draft and not as a finished work. I found numerous errors in it. For example, aunt and uncle in the second paragraph should not be capitalized because they are not used as names. Most egregious of all, the name of the good witch is misspelled! Glinda, not Glenda.
This outline would be very handy to any aspiring writer. Thank you for sharing it with us.
I have a slight disagreement with the premise of this story. Everyone knows the new year starts in September when we go back to school. *grin* According to this author and many others I've know, though, the year starts when Nano ends and writers and would-be writers can breathe a sigh of relief.
On to the technical side of things: I found quite a few things I'd change in this piece. Writing out the numbers when practical helps to keep the reader in the "words" mode. Coming across a unexpected numeral could pop one into the world of math and such ~ *shudder*. It's best to avoid that whenever possible. I'd drop the comma here "This is not a theory, it was a real happening." and use a semi-colon instead. The punctuation and spacing was a bit quirky, too. That could be due to a formatting issue.
I must confess I've felt the allure of Nano, but have yet to succumb to the siren call. Maybe this year...
I found this story via the random review link on the home page. It tells the tale of a vacation which goes awry. It is labeled as a comedy, but when I read it, I had a much darker picture in mind and felt it could also be categorized as a mystery or thriller. It all depends on one's frame of mind, I guess.
As far as the mechanics of the story goes, I couldn't find any obvious typos. The paragraph explaining how Fred came to be on the island seemed a bit confusing, but it was probably just my reading of it.
I found this one via the random reads link on the first page. It appears to be a writer's notes about possible plot lines for an unfinished story. I cannot give a true "review" for this one but I can say there does seem to be quite a bit of action in the future of the characters involved.
As far as the mechanics of the piece goes, once again I can't say much. It would be quite unfair to comment about grammar and punctuation and the like in something that is not meant to be a finished project. However, I can give a "heads up" about a spelling mistake: "weaken" should probably be "weakened".
Thank you for sharing this little peek behind the scenes with us.
"Hardly Heathens" tells the story of a young man who seems to have been raised more morally and ethically than the teacher who is entrusted to teach him "religion". The writer does a fine job showing the reader how morality can take different paths and that being "religious" and being "spiritual" are not always the same thing.
As far as the mechanics of the story goes, the only thing I saw was "theosophy's." Perhaps that should be "theosophy".
"He's Back" was a creepy little horror story playing on one's worst fears, hiding from a monster in the night. The fear is made even more dreadful when the reader finds out who the monster is. The twist at the end made it even better.
As far as the technique of the piece goes, "her fist stuffed into her mouth" stopped me cold. I immediately was taken out of the story as I wondered how big her mouth was;. Changing it to "her fist was pressed against her mouth" or something like that might be better. A minor change, to be sure, and one that might not have bothered anyone else.
I found this poem via the random reviews link on the home page. It was an evocative piece about the end of the day. I enjoyed the imagery in the poem.
Now, on to the mechanical side of things. This piece needs punctuation, especially end marks. I won't say where they should go because the placement of them could change the "read" of the poem. Right now it slides all over the place and doesn't seem to be anchored at all. I found no errors in spelling.
This has the potential to be a much more powerful poem.
I found this story via the random review prompt on the home page. As I read "Orange", I tried to think of a reason why someone would suddenly decide to wear just orange and abandon the rest of one's wardrobe. It was a very intriguing question and one that kept me reading to the end. Without giving anything away, I must admit the ending {the reason for all that orange} caught me by surprise.
This is the paragraph where I usually post errors and suggestions.I reread the story twice, looking for errors, but I didn't find anything more than a questionable comma which I wouldn't bother about. It was a clean story.
I found this piece via a random review prompt . "Amanda" was a creepy little thing, a very short story, telling of a co-worker's encounters with the title character and her long, shiny hair. I won't tell more of the plot line because I don't want to give anything away.
Because the piece was so short, there wasn't much time to write much character or plot development. I didn't find any obvious typos.
I read this story first without clicking on the links for the pictures. It was a very funny story about the lengths a college boy goes through to avoid his roommate's penchant for practical jokes. There were several places where I laughed out loud. The story did end rather darkly, but after clicking on the pictures, especially that first one, I realized Josh got what was coming to him.
On to the mechanical aspects: I remember thinking there needed to be a comma "right there". I wish I remembered where "right there" was. Oh, yes. "Darla, or Doreen, or whatever her name was got out of the mood real quick when she realized that there would be an audience for the performance." A comma after "was" would make this sentence a bit easier to read. As it stands now, I read it as "... was got out of the mood", a glaring grammar glitch.
This little gem about the true lives of gnomes popped up via a random review prompt. I won't go into any details about the poem itself except to say "You're exactly right! That's just what they do!"
The only thing I'd consider changing is eliminating the period at the end of the first line. The whole poem reads fine as one sentence so I don't feel it's necessary.
And now, I think I'm going to pull the curtains, just in case there's a lawn gnome nearby.
This poem, "Avoiding Mistakes & Building Confidence", popped up as a random review prompt. I don't always review poetry but the topic and the opening line caught my eye. It's a retelling of what happens all too often in workplaces, as well as the rest of the world, getting caught making a mistake. Since I can certainly relate, I enjoyed reading this poem. The rhymes were a bonus!
Now on to the technical side of things: Well, there really isn't much and what there is is merely my opinion. I would change the last line and make the last line "The mistake's avoided. What a day!" "Grief didn't seem to fit with the general theme of the poem. It seems much too severe for an office mistake. Maybe "hurt" would be a better choice. The rhyme scheme and rhythm of the piece work very well.
Ah, the difference between mere quiet and silence. It may be hard to define but there's definitely a difference. Just as there's a difference between a story that you merely read and a story that you experience. This story was one of the latter. I was in that cave with the writer, smelling the dank smells of the cave, squelching the rising sense of panic. The clock ticking on my kitchen door became water dripping from the roof of the cave.
On the technical side of things, the writer has several sentences with semicolons where commas would work better since the second clause is not a complete sentence. Those could be eliminated along with the unnecessary capital letters.
This was a very evocative story. I think I'll make sure my flashlight has fresh batteries and my pockets are filled with birdseed, just in case.
"First Day of School" tells the story of a mother waiting in the car to pick up her daughter, Claudia, from her first day of school. The story rings true in so many ways, from the daughter's repacking of her backpack to the mother's growing panic when she can't find her daughter amidst all the other children. Due to the nature of the story, I won't go into more details except to say I liked it.
On the technical side of things, there are a few issues to be addressed. Its shows possession, not it's so it should be "its passengers". I think there should be a comma between favorites and you in "Daisies are her favorites you know." There could be more, but nothing important enough to change.
I enjoyed reading this story. Thank you for posting it here.
I read "Caroling Quest - Christmas Nostalgia" as part of a random review. It is the story of a trio of brothers who find a unique way of raising money for a coveted guitar. Their adventures of singing carols to earn the cash needed were depicted in this short story. I'm not sure if this is a true story or not, but the first person point of view and the nostalgic tone certainly made it seem so. I got a chance to do a bit of Googling, too, because a stylophone was unfamiliar to me.
I noticed a few little bobbles in the story, mostly an odd dash {Middle -Ages, South-East ~ note: I'm not sure South-East needs to be capitalized, either.} and one misspelling "quoir" rather than choir, Bass rather than bass. All minor points, to be sure. I question the use of "plummeting hands", but then again when I picture what three little boys might do to a brand new guitar, perhaps plummeting works just fine.
I read "Surviving Zombie Apocalypse" as part of the Random Review link on the front page of this site. It was a short poem, but filled with commonly accepted advice about the topic and title of the poem. As a matter of fact, as I was reading this, I could picture a hand making a check mark as each stanza was read and followed.
I have nothing to add about grammar. Everything seems fine. However, I really, really would have liked this one to rhyme. It seems to be perfect for a folk song - jump rope - chant sort of thing.
"The Rider" caught my eye mostly due to the mention in the description of Louis L'Amour. He was my grandmother's favorite author and I can remember her reading one of his books while I read one of my own. I outgrew my taste for his books, but I still have fond memories connected with him.
As far as the technical side of things goes, since poetry is so subjective, I really don't have much to contribute to this. Some of the lines didn't quite scan as well as they might have "said goodbye to Montana home" and "I learned of him as a small boy", for example. However, within the confines of the form, I realize that's just how things are. I did enjoy some of your rhymes.
Thank you for sharing this and thank you for sparking a memory for me, too.
I do hope this letter is real and I also hope it was given to your father. It was a lovely letter, very personal and filled with the love a grown-up "little girl" feels for her father.
As far as the grammar and the like goes, I have a couple of minor quibbles. I think there's a word missing from this phrase, " I so many memories..." Mom should be capitalized when it is used as a substitute for her given name {just like you capitalized "Pop" in the closing}. I'd change the comma in the last sentence of the long paragraph to a semicolon: "... pick one out; it made you happy..." since both clauses are complete sentences on their own. The sentence that begins "Every year" is quite long. Perhaps it could be broken into several shorter ones.
Thank you for sharing this heartfelt letter with us.
"DFF:Plumber Pain" tells the story familiar to anyone who's called a repairman and had the problem disappear, pulled into a mechanic's garage and the scary noise never happens. The list goes on and on. The story was told primarily through dialogue which I found very effective. I had a very clear picture in my head of the events.
There were a few problems as far as the formatting of the piece goes. There were commas used as end marks throughout the dialogue. These should be periods unless the dialogue is followed by a "he said" or the like. For example, "Sure. No problem, boss," the plumber said, but "Sure. No problem, boss." I don't know why Plumber needed to be capitalized. It's his job, not his name.
"The Gunman" tells the story of a "gunfight" in the Old West which, I have a feeling, was probably more realistic than many a television western showdown. The hero was not very heroic; the gunfight was not a really a fight at all, etc. It was an enjoyable read.
On the technical side of things, I would like to point out a few things. First of all, I don't think those semicolons are necessary in the first line. Commas would be better. I'd end the next sentence at the semicolon. I'd change the second phrase to " The explosion of noise was deafening....and then he paused, holding his breath." All those single quotations marks probably aren't needed. I'd keep the ones surrounding 'outburst of rage' and omit the others. In the second paragraph, end the sentence at the ellipses and start anew with the "As the room..." Speaking of ellipses, there does seem to be quite a lot of them. Spell out numbers except for dates whenever possible. "Its" is the possessive form, not "it's".
This was a clever story. I enjoyed it.
A kiss from the good little witch.
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