Hi there eyeQ  ! It is an honor to be reviewing for the WDC Power Reviewer's Group.
Welcome to WDC. I hope you love it here like I do. There's plenty to do so dive right in. I warn you that you are being reviewed by a Newbie Just like you.  I am not a professional so please take my opinions in the manner in which I give them. My goal is to grow along with you and be encouraging as possible. Always remember that my opinion is just one of many. Good luck and God bless!
 Impression:This is a story about a boy who has a troubling dream. It was an interesting story that held my attention throughout. However it needs lots of work. I think it has potential but it does need a complete overhaul.
Suggestions:I realize when you read my suggestions it seems that I have picked your story to death. That is not my intention at all. I like the story, otherwise I would have passed on the review. I think with work you'll have a very good story.
It was a cloudy night and was raining. Everywhere seemed very dark. (suggest) rewording the first sentence and eliminating the second sentence. If it is a rainy night then by nature it's dark and cloudy. You mention a few sentences later 'dark clouds and shadows' so the description isn't needed twice. I would simplify it by saying....It was a rainy night.
along the road near the civil hospital (suggest) if civil hospital is the name of the hospital, I would capitalize it.
a feeling if as I was lost among the dark clouds and shadows (suggest) switching 'if as' around
Only then when I began to hear some voices and as it (suggest) rewording this sentence because it is a little wordy..ie: Only then I began to hear some voices.....or.......It was then that I began to hear some voices.
That wasn't a frightening voice but the thing which I scared of was running of some strange people towards me. (suggest) rewording this sentence. I think if you re-read this one you will notice that some words are missing and is probably a run on sentence that should be divided...ie: That wasn't a frightening voice. It was the thing which I feared and it was running strange people towards me........I would eliminate 'some' in some people. Some means multiple. People means multiple so it's redundant.
I stopped and then had a curiously look at them, (suggest) changing 'curiously' to 'curious'
I stopped and then had a curiously look at them, there were five of them, when they came closer I found out that there is a girl and four men. (suggest) dividing this sentence. ie: I stopped and took a curious look at them. There were five people and as they came closer I counted one girl and four men.
I went closer to check out if she was dead or not, no she wasn't. (suggest) rewording this sentence. ie: I went closer to check for a pulse and found she was breathing....or....I went closer to see if she was alive and noticed she was breathing.
Those men whoever they were had beaten her with something I don't know and she was bleeding. (suggest) rewording this sentence. You have already mentioned that she is heavily wounded and now that she has been beaten so you don't need to tell the reader that she is bleeding. ie: Those men, whoever they were, had beaten her with something but I didn't see a weapon.
As I wanted to find out who they were, there were nobody present, maybe they escaped or just kind of vanished. (suggest) rewording this sentence... I wanted to find out who they were but it seemed they had vanished.
I said to the doctor as I if was very worried, he replied "Don't worry boy" and smiled. (suggest) Delete 'if' ...This is two sentences. The doctor can't reply in the same sentence....ie: I said to the doctor as I was very worried. He replied "Don't worry boy."
When they were at the operation, questions such as "Who is she? Where did she come from? Why she was being chased by some unknown men?" were being asked. (suggest) rewording this sentence because it is missing words and punctuation. ie: While they had her in the operating room, questions were being asked of me, such as: "Who is she? Where did she come from? Why was she being chased by unknown men?
The clock of hospital was showing 11:50 pm and it was late night when the door opened and doctors came out. (suggest) rewording this line because it is missing some words and also has a few extra....ie: The clock read 11:50 pm when the door opened and the doctors came out......the reader already knows you're at the hospital and it is late at night so you can delete those things.
When I entered, a beautiful young girl with brown hair and golden-yellow dress was lying down with her eyes open (suggest) if the young girl was just operated on, she would be wearing a hospital gown instead of a gold yellow dress.
"So Mister..." "Daniel, its Daniel sir" I said to the doctor. "Okay Daniel, do you know her?" I hesitated for a second then she said "Yes doctor, we are friends" "So how did you find her?" I was going to explain when she interfered "I was gonna meet him there, while crossing the street something hit me and I found myself here." "Are you sure?" said the doctor looking to her, her eyes turned to me and I said "Yes doctor." as if I wasn't gonna say that. Then he went and I looked at her, her beautiful hazel eyes were blinking when I said "Who are you? I don't know you and why did you lie to him? "You said a yes to him, it means you know me and I didn't lie" she said while she was smiling at me. "No, I don't. I wasn't gonna say that, it was just..." "What?" "I don't know, it wasn't my choice to act like that." I was afraid of something that moment, then for a minute we both were quiet when I asked again "Are you going to tell me who you are? And for what reason were those men chasing you?" She slowly came down and stood up looking at me and spoke kind of spooky "You don't get it do you?" and came towards me, "I am a memory of your past, a shadow of your present and a part of your future" she whispered. (suggest) this whole conversation needs to be reworded. It needs separated by who's speaking. It is missing capitalization and punctuation. It's hard to tell who is saying what. Each sentence needs it's own line to separate the dialogue.
when I saw the mirror in my right. (suggest) replacing 'in' with 'on'
when I tried to stare everywhere of the room. (suggest) replace 'of' with 'in'
 Overall: Overall, as I said before, I think this has the potential to be a good read. It just needs a lot of work. And, if you choose to rework the story I would be glad to give it another read and re-rate it. I would be honored to review your other work. Keep writing
Thank you for sharing your work with me and feel free to stop into my port, have a look around, and leave me a few suggestions.
GroovyStella
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I am not a professional so please take my opinions in the manner in which I give them. My goal is to grow along with you and be encouraging as possible. Always remember that my opinion is just one of many. Good luck and God bless! 
