Lol. I like this. It sounds almost like and urban legend. I used to write for an urban legend website and with a little tweaking this could be my neighbor. I liked it though, the reality of it is believable, which always is good. You grabbed me with the title, you honestly had my mind thinking about all kinds of weird thoughts.
Wow! This is really powerful. I loved your usage of imagery and diction. I love the line in the poem at the end. "... an alien darkness filled the void where my soul had been." That is just amazingly powerful and moving. I also like how compare the character to Elton John's song, Daniel. Knowing the song and the way you intertwined your descriptions to match the style of the song was just amazing.
I honestly hope that there will be more erotica contests like this one because I find them much more believable when there is actually a plot. I think that it makes it more respectable as well. I am a true Scorpio and I act like it and I hate that America was founded by prudes, at least we can always count on erotica for actual entertainment.
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