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Public Reviews
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1
1
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.

Congratulations on your recent nomination to "Invalid Item"  by !
Along with your nomination, you are also receiving the Edgar Allan Poe Fan Package!
This package includes many things, one of which is a total of 9 reviews for "Invalid Item" !

I absolutely loved this story! I was rivited all the way through. I don't have any suggestions for improvement here, as anything I would suggest changing I think would take away from the voice you put here. You did a fabulous job making Scuzzy a memorable character that I'm sure readers will love and even relate to on some level. Great details and descriptions of the people and setting. I could clearly see everything goin on and I felt like I was the fly on the wall in the bar - right in the action with all the characters.

I was hooked right from the beginning with such a unique voice and style of writing this story. And then I couldn't stop reading! I just had to know how it ended. I was both shocked and happy by the way the ending came about, but I see now it really couldn't have worked any other way. Excellent work!

Write on!
Anastasia. V. Pergakis

2
2
Review of Break Away  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I loved this story! It was very well written and I'm glad I raided your port to read it! Very impressed, Gary. I think you could really run with this story if you wanted to. I love how you ended it with such a sarcastic but yet serious question given the circumstances. Great work!

Write on!
Harley D. Palmer
3
3
Review of LOSS  
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello! This is Dean Harley from your class PD 301 at the Writer's Academy. This is a review of your assignment for Lesson One.

Grade: C 2.5 rating

This poem is a very powerful one. It has some great imagery going for it. However, it did not follow the lesson.

According to Webster's Dictionary, synecdoche is "a figure of speech by which a part is put for a whole, a whole for a part, a species for the genus, a genus for the species, or the name of the material for the thing made."

I am not sure what you tried to do here, but I could not find a single instance of synecdoche in this piece.

It was a well written piece with very powerful words and images. It was great that you included the direct verses where you got the quotes from, instead of just saying generally.

Write on!
Harley D. Palmer
4
4
Review of REAL FRIENDSHIP  
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello! This is Dean Harley from your class PD 201 at the Writer's Academy. This is a review of your Final Exam.

Grade: A+ 5.0 rating

Excellent work! I love the topic you chose and you did well implimenting all the lessons into this one poem. It really helped with the imagery and made it a strong, emotion filled piece. Great job!!

Write on!
Harley D. Palmer
5
5
Review of CONSIDER...  
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello! This is Dean Harley from your class PD 201 at the Writer's Academy. This is a review of your assignment for Lesson Seven.

Grade: A+ 5.0 rating

Once again a beautiful poem! I love the allusions that you present here, having each stanza allude to something about the topic, but yet from a different view. Fantastic job!

Write on!
Harley D. Palmer
6
6
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello! This is Dean Harley from your class PD 201 at the Writer's Academy. This is a review of your assignment for Lesson Six.

Grade: A+ 5.0 rating

Excellent job! I really love reading your work! You always write such powerful pieces! You did extremely well with this assignment and you really understood the lesson! Way to go! Keep up the great work and I look forward to reading more of your pieces! I love the last line!

Write on!
Harley D. Palmer
7
7
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello! This is Dean Harley from your class PD 201 at the Writer's Academy. This is a review of your assignment for Lesson Five.

Grade: A+ 5.0 rating

Wonderful work! You did very well with this lesson! I really enjoyed reading this piece. The topic you chose is really meaningful, one that makes a reader think. I don't have any suggestions for you, you did perfectly with this assignment. Very impressive.

Write on!
Harley D. Palmer
8
8
Review of OXYMORON  
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Maria Mize . This is Dean Harley from your class PD 201 at the Writer's Academy. This is a review of your assignment for Lesson Four.

Grade: A+ 5.0 rating

Well, I have to say when I first read this, I was a bit disappointed. I thought you had completely missed the assignment although I really enjoyed reading this piece. However, when I wrote the original to this review, I began to laugh as I figured it out! Great job! You did really well this assignment and even added a bit of mystery to it!

Write on!
Harley D. Palmer
9
9
Review of LAUGHTER  
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Maria Mize . I am Dean Harley from your class of PD 201 at the Writer’s Academy. This is a review of your assignment for Lesson One.

Grade: B 4.0 (5.0 rating, 1 point taken off official grade for being late)

Rhyme: No rhyme pattern was used in this piece.

Rhythm: No set meter in the lines. Beat/tempo was smooth and quick, perfectly fitting for the topic.

Flow: No odd pauses, a really smooth read. Great use of punctuation to add in the right stops and pauses.

Format and Prompt: Wonderful job! You understood the lesson perfectly and completed the assignment with flying colors!

Grammar: No suggestions here.

Just My Personal Opinion: This was a really cute piece that, as the topic suggests, made me giggle a bit. It was really infectious! Great job!

Write on!
Harley D. Palmer
10
10
Review of THE WOODS  
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Maria Mize . I am Dean Harley from your class of PD 201 at the Writer’s Academy. This is a review of your assignment for Lesson Three.

Grade: A+ 5.0 rating

Rhyme: No rhyme pattern was used in this piece. I did like the slight rhym that appeared in the first stanza though.

Rhythm: No set meter in the lines, but the beat was even and smooth.

Flow: Good flow. It wasn't choppy nor did it have odd pauses.

Format and Prompt: Great job with the assignment. You really grapsed the lesson! You followed the assignment well!

Grammar: No suggestions here.

Just My Personal Opinion: I loved the last two lines. That is great imagery there. I think you chose a great topic to use for this paricular assignment as it works really well.Great job!

Write on!
Harley D. Palmer
11
11
Review of ROCKS  
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello! This is Dean Harley from your class PD 201 at the Writer's Academy. This is a review of your assignment for Lesson Two.

Grade: A+ 5.0 rating

Excellent work! At first I will admit, that I missed the analogy but when I read it again it started to come through. You did a great job with this and you really grasped the assignment. Keep up the great work!

Write on!
Harley D. Palmer
12
12
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello! This is Dean Harley from your class ANV 200 at the Writer's Academy. This is a review of your assignment for Lesson Five.

Grade: C 2.5 (3.5 rating, one point taken off official grade for being late)

First thing, this is a great chapter with lots of action in it. I do want to mention some things about Point of View inthis review. We will cover more on this in a later lesson, but I feel it would be good to talk with you about it now.

You appear to use Omnipotent Third Person, meaning the reader can see all that is going on inside the all the characters head at any given moment. There is nothing wrong with using this type of POV but for me I feel that it would be much better to have the scenes in one characters POV and then in another scene switch to a different character. The way it is now, is fine, like I said, but it does mak for a difficult read when the reader is having to jump from one head to another, and keep up with who it is doing the thinking. It makes for a much smoother read if there is less switching, instead keeping with one character for a long period of time before switching to another. Again, we'll cover more about this is future lessons but I wanted to bring it to your attention.

The scene at the end was rushed. When Alex turns to the anatour, I felt there should have been a bit more tension before the calm conversation. Perhaps the anatour tries to move and Alex takes that as aggression but the anatour then begs for its life. This adds more dinamic to Alex's character in showing that he can be merciful.

I found a lot of puncuation mistakes in this chapter. Even in quotations, if the sentence is a question, it needs to end in a question mark or exclamation point.

“Everything’s… f… fine, I had another dream that’s all,” She (she) stuttered, caught off guard by the look of concern in his eyes.

The cabinets were made (of) strong brant wood cut from the forest around them.

‘Even rumpled and unprepared for the day she was a stunning woman,’ he thought. (You need to end the italics here - the rest of the chapter is all in italic)

I know you said something about a prophecy, but what could that have to do with my powers. ” (Question mark instead of period)

“Think about it, is there anything you can remember from your vision that can help you make a positive identification.” (Question mark instead of period)

“How are we going to get by the mist though,” *red*(Question mark instead of comma)

“Damien look out,” Exclamation point

“What,” Saphire screamed. (Question mark instead of comma)

“Damien, help me.” (exclamation point)She turned to see the nine-foot tall creature still howling and limping away. Whatever had her was invisible. “How can I fight something I can’t see,” (Question mark)

“Marcus how could you do this to us. (Question mark)

“Grandfather, what are you doing here,” (Question mark)

“Damien, get Saphire to your Grandmother(period) I will take care of Marcus.”

“You have not won. The war has only begun.” (Quotation mark is not needed) Be sure and keep your new pet protected at all times.”

“What is your name young one,” (Question mark)

The plot is moving along nicely and I look forward to reading more! I like the dinamic you have set up between Saphie and Damien but again with the POV it would be more mysterious if you stuck with one POV at a time. Like how does Damien react to her hugging the doorframe? As he would not know the exact reason why, what does he imagine instead? That sort of thing. It adds a lot to the characters as you can really bring up some amusing things and tell the readers how they think and feel.

Write on!
Harley D. Palmer
13
13
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello! This is Dean Harley from your class PD 101 at the Writer's Academy. This is a review of your Final Exam.

Grade: B 4.0 (5.0 rating, 1 point taken off official grade for being late).

Excellent work! You really have a handle of all the devices learned in this class. I don't have any suggestions for you for this piece. You did a wonderful job. It was an enjoyable read, the topic being somehing fresh and unique.

Write on!
Harley D. Palmer
14
14
Review of Unseen Dangers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hello! This is a review for your poetry entry into "Invalid Item"  that was part of "Invalid Item"  First Birthday Celebration.

My Thoughts
Great poem! I like the combination of the lines "unseen dangers are what I fear" and "confess to me what I want to hear". There are few things that I feel I should point out to you. The 2nd stanza, 1st line has only 8 syllables when it should be 9 (as that is the pattern apparant in the rest of the piece). Putting "The" a the beginning of the line could fix this. The 4th stanza, first line also only has 8 syllalbes. Perhaps saying it as "Certain death looms so tragically near". The second line in the 4th stanza doesn't read smoothly to me. Perhaps saying it like this "Wilted petals, broken on the ground." Just a few suggestions! You did a great job with this piece and I enjoyed reading it (numerous times!)

Prompt
Excellent job using all the prompts! I'm very impressed with how you weaved them all together!

Write on!
Anastasia. V. Pergakis
15
15
Rated: E | (4.0)
Author/Item/Chapter:
Item: "MOUNT PINATUBO" 
Chapter: "PINATUBO Ch.1--ENIGMA" 
Author: writeartista

Why I’m Reviewing This: This review is because you won a prize in the "Invalid Item"  auction for a novel review.

First Impressions:
After reading this the first time, I think you have a good chapter. It is written very well and I don't see any glaring mistakes with anything. I read something two or three times in order to catch and make suggestions for the things that aren't so glaring. But at first glance here, it is very well written.

Hook:
I feel that this chapter, should really be chapter two. I think that you could really get some "kapow" out really telling a bit of the mother's story for chapter one. Not all of it, as I can see that the main character will be discovering some things on her own journey, but perhaps just mention a short scene about her mother running from the volcano eruption. (Ash falling in the air, lava flowing through the streets, etc.)

Topic/Theme:
This chapter doesn't really give too much about the topic, but you did have a summary in the folder. Even in the summary you did not give too much away as to what is going to happen in his story. The summary does not give a hint to what the climax or conflict is - unless the conflict of the story is that Mary battles with love and romance. If that is the case, I would change the genre setting of this piece from Family to Romance.

Plot:
Again, not much given away about the plot or actions of the story. Is there going to be adventure? Does Mary feel a bit of danger in the fact that her Mother forgave murderers? Just a few things to think about as this first chapter does not tell much. It sets up the story perfectly fine, but I still feel it is missing that "hint" to what will happen. I don't mean a blaring hint but just a tiny clue - like does Mary feel nervous or frightened since her Mother apparantly did not give too many details about her trip? That could clue in the readers that something huge might happen.

Style & Voice:
You did very well in this area. I don't have any suggestions for you. Your sentence structure varies, you keep with the same voice and writing style, POV was perfect, and tense was done well.

Favorite Part:
My favorite part is the woman that takes out the cigarette and merely holds it in her mouth without lighting it. I know, that is mostly insignificant to the entire story, but I myself am a smoker and I can totally relate to the longing for one on a flight! You described it really well.

Just My Personal Opinion:
Again, I feel that this should be Chapter 2. It is written very well and I can tell you have put a lot of hard work into this. I am a firm believer that the first chapter should really "explode" so to speak, so I feel this would be better served as a second chapter, writing chapter 1 or the prologue to tell a little about the evens that happened to Mary's mother.

1-5 Rating Explanation:
Rating: 4.0
I rated this a 4.0 because I think you did a great job with the chapter, but there is room for a little improvement.

Text Below (an edited copy of your writings)
Please note that the place where the edit is required, with be within brackets [ ]

[Begin Text]

It paid off because she supported herself through college through [with] her winnings.
"THROUGH college THROUGH her" is very repetitive. If you replace the word with "with" you will still convey what you want to say without the repetition.

The Philippines has [have] more than 7,000 islands, and there may be just as many beauty pageants; the title for "Miss Philippines" being the most coveted and most prestigious in the country.
I double checked this with Word and apparantly both ways are grammatically correct. To me however, I feel that have is the more appropriate way to say it. So, you can change or not since apparantly both are correct. This is just my opinion on that.

[End Text]

Write on!
Anastasia. V. Pergakis
16
16
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello StoryMaster!

I was just browsing around and stumbled upon this so I just had to take a look at it. I did notice one thing, on question 8 the question reads "Which type of reviews are most likely to be listened:" I think it should say "Which type of reviews are most likely to be listened TO"

I have never seen a quiz set up before and I'm really glad I looked at this. It made my mind think of how I could use this in my "Invalid Item"  but I'm not sure how exactlly I could make it work. We'll have to see.

Thanks for showing me something new!

Write on!
Anastasia. V. Pergakis
17
17
for entry "Invalid Entry" 
In affiliation with TEN 4 TEN SUMMER REViEWING WOR...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Author/Item/Chapter:
Item: "Majesty's Offspring" 
Chapter: "Invalid Entry" 

Why I'm Reviewing This:
Hello AJVega !! I was browing through the novels on the site and stumbled upon yours. I love reading sci-fi novels so I couldn't resist the chance to read this one!

First Impressions:
My first impression after reading through it the first time is that this is a great beginning to a story. You give enough information for the reader to know what's going on but you don't just list things either.

Title:
The title of this chapter fits very well as you clearly describe how old some of the characters are and how old the ship itself is. I can't really say if the title of the book fits yet, but from what I have read of the summary and part of chapter one it seems to work.

Brief Description:
The description fits, decribing what you say in the summary in one sentence. I do wonder if adding one more sentence as a question would help boost it up a bit. Something simple like, "Will the AI survive or face destruction?" That's a cheesy example but you get the idea.

Hook:
The hook for this chapter worked pretty well as you brought in the character from the start and told the reader that he needed a break. This starts the questions for the reader of "break from what", "is he stressed" etc. So you did well to keep the reader reading. Just this first part of the first chapter was written very well as a hook for the rest of the novel. You set up the premise for the plot, introduced the main characters and left it hanging a bit so that the reader wants to read on to find out what happens. Great job!

Plot:
I think your plot here is very interesting. While stories of humans battle with AI has been done, your story here is a unique one as it seems that it takes place AFTER the battle. It is also different as the point of the story as you say in the description is that the characters set out to save the last remaining AI even after a huge battle - very interesting.

Style & Voice:
I'm very impressed by the fact that you use aggressive verbs more than passive ones! That is amazing. I struggle with this myself and so I'm amazed to see another writer that doesn't seem to have trouble! Great job!

Referencing:
I only had one question - the characters are pirates but it's set in space in a futuristic time - so what would the 'pirates' wear? Pirates for most people bring up a vision of boots, hat with a feather, a sword on a belt, leggings, and a tunic of some sort. Would these pirates dress the same or differently and why?

Scene/Setting:
Excellent detail! I especially loved your description of the painting in Lain's office. I really enjoyed how you brought in how the ship looked while describing the one in the painting by comparison. That is a great way for the reader to know what the ship looks like without going into a long list of details with the other scenes (like when Julius was on the observation deck for instance). That is another scene I really enjoyed that I think you did very well with. The scene with the asteroids was done very well especially since you had it compared to a character and what he thought about it all. Great job!

Characters:
As you just introduced the characters in this chapter, I don't have much to say about their development yet. You introduced them very well, again without going into boring lists of details about them. I would have liked to see more about what they looked like. Like the part where you mention Julius's age perhaps throw in his physical features, not just that he appears as a 30 year old man. Also, Lain could have been described a bit when Julius first enters the room and sees him comfortable on the couch. Is Lain really tall and so is stretched out on the couch or does he fit comfortably in the space? Just a little bit about how they look.

Text Below (an edited copy of your writings)
This can also be called a 'line by line' review, though the term doesn't exactly fit. Grammar, spelling, puncuation, sentence structure, and other things will be mentioned here.

[Begin Text]

His finger tapped the skull earing that served as a communication device.
*Idea*"earing" is spelled with two "r's" -- earring

"Fine. I'll be by later, " Julius said, cutting the link with a tap of the earcom.
*Idea*There is a space after the comma and before the quotation that doesn't need to be there. (why I caught that I'll never know!)

"What we also need," Julius began. "Is a morale boost. After we pick up these recruits, we should put in at New Las Vegas.
*Idea*This sentence should be like this "What we also need," Julius began, "is a morale boost." This is because that is one sentence or thought/action.

[End Text]

Favorite Part:
My favorite part by far would have to be the way you described the painting in Lain's office. I don't know why I liked that part, but I guess it's due to the fact that you added in the point that it looked like the ship the characters were on. I just think that is an interesting way to describe the ship without talking directly about it.

Just My Personal Opinion:
As I said at the beginning of this review, I think you did really well with this first chapter. You hooked in the reader, you have great detail, and the rare spelling/grammar point. Overall, I'm impressed! There was just a few questions I had about the looks of the characters since you put so much detail and imagination into the ship and it surroundings.

1-5 Rating Explanation:
Rating: 4.0
The rating isn't a 5 due what I mentioned before about the characters lacking in the details of their appearance. Otherwise, the chapter is wonderful!

WRITE ON!!
Anastasia. V. Pergakis
18
18
Review of Don't Tempt Me  
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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~~I hope you find this review helpful and encouraging. These are merely my suggestions. Take what you want and leave the rest! ~~

Plot
Two friends try to improve themselves but their daughters trick them into falling back into old habits in order to get what they want. It was a cute story about frienship. However, I felt that it didn't end - it just stopped. Also I didn't understand the last scene with Wendy as in the previous scene they were talking about how much she was stuck on herself (seemingly like they disliked her) then suddenly she is out with them? I didn't understand that time line at all.

Setting
Good details with the setting here. You did very well, bringing in bits of all five senses. Nicely done.

Characters
Each character seemed to have their own little quirk that was a result of some deep seeded high school event. You did well with developing them as the story progressed.

Grammar/Spelling/Dialogue
I have no suggestions to point out to you! Great job!

My Point of View
This is an interesting story. I enjoyed reading. Like I said, I did get a little lost at the ending but I understand that you may have had word count restriction for the contest you entered it into. I would like to read it if you ever expand it and put more detail into now that you are not bound by a word count!

Write on!
Anastasia. V. Pergakis
19
19
Review of The Dream  
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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Hello! It's me Harley again. You have a great continuation here! It was really nice to read more about Thomas. He seems to be a really good character and I look forward to reading more about him. Is this going to be a short story or are you planning this as a novel? I can see that you could easily make this a novel I'm sure - especially since you seem to have such a history built about Paragon City. Great conintuation and I'm glad that my reviews could motivate you to write more! It is good to hear that my reviews helped - so, I hope this one helps again because I look forward to reading more. This seems like a reallly great first chapter (or part of a first chapter) to what I'm sure is a great novel/story. Keep it up!

Write on!
Harley D. Palmer
20
20
Review of Dream Sequence  
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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~~I hope you find this review helpful and encouraging. These are merely my suggestions. Take what you want and leave the rest! ~~

Plot
This is a wonderful beginning to a story! You really have that hook that readers need to keep going. It is an interesting thought to have a person in that situation seeing all those wonderful but horrible things.

Setting
Excellent descriptions here! I could feel the silence of space and the serene atmosphere. Then in the next paragraph when you talk about the destruction I could clearly hear the roar - wonderful job! You have a great knack for detail - keep it up!

Characters
Thomas Kyre - I would love to know more about him. The beginning here is only about the dream he is having but doens't tell much about him as a person or what he looks like. It's understandable since this is only the beginning and I would love to read more as you write this to learn more about him and why he had such an interesting dream.

Grammar/Spelling/Dialogue
No mistakes or suggestions!! Great job!!

My Point of View
Great job!! I would really love to read more of this so please let me know when you write more! Keep it going I think you have a good story here!

Write on!
Anastasia. V. Pergakis
21
21
Review of Face of a Man  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

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Plot
I am a bit confused by this plot. The story was shrouded in mystery and I don't feel that it was explaiened when the story ended. I was especially confused when Samantha suddenly came into the picture - I couldn't tell if she was alive or dead or just gone. It think there could have been some more explanation as to what was going on - at least to explain that perhaps Kevin was off his rocker or he was hearing things or something.

Setting
I think the setting could have used just a tiny bit more detail. This thought might be due to the fact that I was lost in the mystery of the plot though. The details that were provided gave a general idea to the location and setting of the scenes but not much - like I said, it's likely that I am caught up in trying to figure out the plot and missed the setting details.

Characters
Kevin - again I was lost in the plot so couldn't figure out what Kevin was suffering from, or doing, or thinking. The mystery was too deep to fully understand the point of what was going on. The side characters were described perfectly well. I just feel that the mystery of the story needs to be explained better then Kevin's character will be more clear also.

Grammar/Spelling/Dialogue
No grammar or spelling mistakes that I found and I have no suggestions on those matters either. The dialogue was believeable for what it was, again with the plot being so confusing to me, I got lost in trying to figure out who was saying what and WHY.

My Point of View
I'm sure it's just ME here not understand the plot of this story as this piece has an awardicon. Regardless, I feel that some things should be explained more clearly - like why would Justin suddenly know Kevin's wife's name if Kevin himself seemed to keep his family a secret? Just one part that popped out at me. I did enjoy reading the story!

Write on!
Harley D. Palmer
22
22
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

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Plot
The plot was very interesting. There was mystery that kept you reading since the real reason for the visit was never spoken about. I do wonder what was the importance of the painting. I think if a specific painting was mentioned that it would allow the reader to make their own conclusions about what the painting meant to Anthony.

Setting
There was the perfect amount of detail to the setting. Enough to let us know what location they were in and what the comfort level was. There wasn't too much detail to take away from the actual plot of the story.

Characters
Alexia, the psychiatrist, was presented well. I do wonder why she didn't have a stronger reaction -such as calling the authorities - with the bruises on Anthony's arms. The ending did explain the true reason behind the marks but I feel that any type of doctor would do something about that. Anthony, the boy tormented by something, is described perfectly. I do love the description of his hair in his eyes.

Grammar/Spelling/Dialogue
No mistakes or suggestions for grammar, spelling, or dialogue. The dialogue was very believable for each character. I do want to suggest that when you the scenes change from one day to another, it might be best to put a line of astericks to indicate to the reader that there is a change so that they do not become confused. Sort of like dividing a chapter in a novel.

My Point of View
Interesting story. I wonder what spurred you to write this! I do like that you explained Anthony's story at the end. You wrote the ending well also as it was a surprise and a relief in a way. Great job!

Write on!
Harley D. Palmer
23
23
Review of The Calling  
Rated: E | (5.0)

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Title
The title doesn't seem to fit at first until you read the piece. The last few lines clear up why the piece has the title. The description also helps to begin to understand the reason for the title but the poem really tells why the title fits with this piece.

Persona
The "i" persona is talking directly to 'you' - each person individually. It works well with the topic of this piece especially since the topic deals with the struggles of the teenage years and high school.

Diction
The words chosen for this piece are wonderful. The comparison and analogy of 'war' and 'high school' fits so well with the way the words are put together in this piece.

Imagery
Great imagery! The analogy use throughout the piece along with the diction used, creates a truthful picture of what the teenage years and high school are like. It is also a great way to describe the emotions and feelings during that time of life on the bazaar chance that no one had ever experienced those feelings.

Rhythm
The rhythym isn't consistant throughout the piece. This works perfectly with the subject matter as those years of life are never consistant or 'patterned' in any way.

Rhyme Scheme
There is a rhyme pattern of sorts in the piece, however it isn't perfectly consistant throughout the piece. Along with the rhythym, I feel this works perfectly as the teenage years of life are never 'constant' or 'normal' for that matter.

Structure
The structure works well with this poem for the same reasons as the irregular pattern of the rhythym and rhyme.

Theme
Wonderful theme chosen for this piece. The analogy, while initially seems to be too much, it is perfectly worded and used in this piece. I think a lot of people can relate to this piece.

Write on!
Harley D. Palmer
24
24
Review of Test of Fate  
Rated: E | (5.0)

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Title
The title of the poem gives one impression of the poem and then with the description and the actual poem, you seem to get a different idea of what the author meant. The title works very well, but the initial thought I think gives you a surprise when you actually read the piece.

Persona
There isn't really a speaker perse to this piece. The Invisible I tells a 'story' so to speak about how life's tests can leave it's toll on a person. The audience is directed at the 'Collective Them' and not one person specifically.

Diction
The words in this piece paint a picture that leaves goosbumps on your skin! Not 'graphic' but definately intense.

Imagery
Fantastic imagery. Like I said before, it's very intense and gives the impression of "wow" when finished reading the piece.

Rhythm
The rythym in each line is very short. The syllables fall between 3 or 4 counts in each line and it works really well with this piece as it makes things pointed - in your face sort of - makes everything enunciated so you pay attention.

Rhyme Scheme
Some of the rhymes were indirect but the pattern was consistent with the lines. I do feel that the indirect rhymes helped with the flow as it made you stop and think about whether it was a true rhyme or not. This caused you to reread the lines and helped really cement the meaning into your head.

Structure
The structure was put together very well. I have no suggestions about this as I feel the way it is written works perfectly well in this piece.

Theme
The theme is very important I feel as it talks about things that every single person goes through and feels at one point or another. I feel that many people can relate to this piece for one reason or another as it generally describes feelings that happen to all people during different situations. It covers all aspects of life.

Write on!
Harley D. Palmer
25
25
Rated: E | (4.5)

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Title
The title to this piece initially does not give way to exactly what the poem is about. Even with the description, it is not expected to read the poem that is filled with a lot of seeming metaphors and anaglogies. The last line of this piece however makes the title make sense.

Persona
The speaker of the poem is the "invisible I" as it seems to talk directly TO another 'person'. The persona was maintained perfectly throughout the entire piece.

Diction
I think the words that were chosen for the detail in this piece were chosen wisely. They gave an air of mystery - that like you're missing something that is right there but you can't put your finger on it. I think it fits well with the topic and imagery of the piece.

Imagery
Wonderful imagery. Like I said before, this piece gives a mysterious feel to it - like I'm missing the real meaning but it's important for me not to. Great job.

Rhythm
There isn't a set rhythm pattern, but I feel that it works well with this piece. With all the mystery in it, not having a set pattern of anything just adds to the feel of the poem as you read it.

Rhyme Scheme
No rhyme scheme at all. Again, I feel that if it had rhymed or had a pattern it would have taken away from the imagery and mysterious flair.

Structure
I do feel that the structure could have been better in the sense of the way the lines were written. It doesn't need to split up into stanzas or anything like that, but since puncuation is used, I feel that capitalization should be fixed to coincide with the puncuation. Otherwise nothing should be changed in this piece.

Theme
I feel that the theme of this piece is important but as you read it and understand it, you still get the sense that you missed a vital truth somewhere. So you read it again - it's right there but you can't see it. Just like the last line clearly suggests 'a phantom'. Great job!!

Write on!
Harley D. Palmer
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