This has some nice figurative language, I can literally visual the balcony scene (or is it a balcony scene?)The character have so much life, however I felt the topical dialogue was a bit of a cliche (not a bad thing, but not the best thing in the world), it has been played out time and again. I suppose if you are into cyclic time flow this makes perfect sense (I am an avid user of cliches myself, I am just commenting in terms of objective criticism) :p. Also, I cannot imagine a situation where a girl would wear a ballerina tutu at night for no apparent reason. For the sake of believability, is there a reason for this? Now for the overall content/context. I wish there was more to this story, like a past to their relationship, or what happens in the future. WHat is this talk of darkness and light? Has a sort of fantasy element to it. You can expand this story in so many ways, it has potential and as it is it is a skeleton! Please think/consider expanding this work! It has "potential masterpiece" written all over it! Work out those kinks though! ;)
Wow! Quite touching! But It leaves me wondering about what/how you connected to Sci really. So many questions were left unanswered. As it is, it is only the skeleton, it has potential, just go all the way on this mate! You should not cut it off before it gets good!
Wow! Most of the sentiments here are exactly/ or similar to my own! Very profound, insightful, and yet simple! Simplicity is beautiful for it can reach out to the most and grace even the most illiterate with the power of the magic of art! Keep it up my brother! These words are strong and true. But I think contextually that simply waking them up is not enough, they must know that this world as it is holds no opportunities for them. People will often go and do things blindly for the sake of a slime, glimmering hope of going the class of elites by "striking it rich". I think that spirituality is the key to the revolution of the heart. However if you are not particularly into spirituality that is fine. I think aside from that the poem is just fine, except are you sure you stick to verse format...there are times when you stray.
Congrats on writing some simply beautiful lines! Now I am not a judge of poetry, but It seems the 4th line is not exactly following a verse format. If you intend to keep to Meter try dividing it into a few more lines. Otherwise, great job (I think you should expand on this conceptual tone poem. It has an airy quality to it, a very nice feel and touch! :D
Hahha! Very dark story. You ought to try and use "seven" instead of 7. But its a story so its your own baby. However, I was wondering is this supposed to be a sketch or a scene in a short story. I am not familiar with the way you shaped this story, Thrillers usually have a bit more to them. Think about developing a little more plot in your story. It kinda made me feel like it potential but not enough pressure to it. You know what I mean, like not enough air in the tire. Good job though, just focus on plot development, you're on your way to a really scary story! ;p
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