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Public Reviews
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Review by Jakrebs
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Forgive the shortness of this "review" as I am on my phone and not my PC.

This was very cute, and actually I liked it a lot writing wise. Zippy, really good flow, extremely quick to read and interesting.

It has a lot of good spirited humor in there as well.

And naturally I feel like I know you better after reading this.

So you keep up with the tennis, eating delicious stuff, and taking care of other people.

And don't forget to take care of yourself as well.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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2
Review by Jakrebs
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
"This is the game where madness has no limits, fear strikes your enemies like a blade across their flesh, and stress has a new meaning. Don't be scared though."

C'mon, this is getting me laughing.

And oh my Lord, look at the production you've put into this. Extremely impressive and dope. I admire and commend your massive effort, and cool results.

You got mood going on here. If I were participating, I'd be very excited.
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Review of UKRAINE  
Review by Jakrebs
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good lord, yes. Yes to most everything you've written here.

I do cringe a little at the E part, because many Russian soldiers are dying because they are duped and powerless, but I tell you what, what you've written here is better than I could write.

As far as the truth and justice of it all, it's the best I've seen written by anyone, period

Honored to read that.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of The Realization  
Review by Jakrebs
Rated: E | (5.0)
C'mon! This is great! Put a huge smile on my face. And well written, you went for simple and quick and those were good choices.

It is great as is, but it may be a smidge better if you only mention that the red dot is from a laser pointer at the end of the poem.

Then both us the readers, as well as your cat, come to the "realization" together, only at the end.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
5
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Review of Epitaph  
Review by Jakrebs
Rated: E | (5.0)
Ha, love it, but I have to say you missed me.
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6
Review by Jakrebs
Rated: E | (5.0)
Simple in the best way, and lovely.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of I Am Who I Am  
Review by Jakrebs
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was very cool, and a little different, and I like that. The form was varied, in some places it was short and sweet, in other places you elaborated and went into more detail. This kept me along for the ride nicely.

And this piece brought a lot of smiles to my face. "I love. Johnson's cologne and baby powder and like my brothers and my only grandchild Luis, I enjoy watching
Basketball Games and the excitement it brings leads me to leap, to yell and to cheer." Stuff like that.

And some things you wrote I nodded my head to in agreement. "I am fascinated by people who are courteous, respectful and well- mannered"

Me too.

That's for the fun write.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
8
8
Review by Jakrebs
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
O.O., I don't know if you want to hear all this because you wrote this for a prompt, and as so, making changes to such a thing is almost like cheating, word count limit and all.

But I'm going to nevertheless.

Firstly, I liked this story a lot. Straightforward, clearly written, well written, fun, creative and definitely, definitely in the vein of of fairy tale, um, tale. Anyway, loved that fairy tale tone and vibe you tapped into so deftly.

And by the way, that can be very tricky. I've read a lot of stories on here written as fairy tales. To me they mostly miss the mark. To be good to me, they have to be a mix of lightness and comedy, but also have weight and real stakes. And fairy tales are so hard to write so that they don't sound sing-songy, or trite, or too forced, reaching for them if you will. I hope that makes sense...

Anyway, you dodged all of those things I don't like in a fairy tale. Kudos to you, especially since I myself, could not write a fairy tale nearly this good.

That being said, I want to swing back and say I think the word count limited and constrained you some, and with that contest(?) done, I gently suggest (and ignore this suggestion if you will, cause this tale is great as is) you make this a little longer and flesh it out some more. Just a bit more description to the scenes and characters would go a long way.

A few other comments. I found Rowena's "Nonsense" answer to Lazarus's accusation that she potentially put the kingdom is jeopardy to be jarring and out of character for her. I think her reaction should have been more concerned and worried, and not so arrogant and initially confident.

To elaborate, her puzzlement, and then hard work you detail to fix the problem later on, is spot on for her personality. "No! What have I done?" Here you show her deep concern about the ordeal, as you should as a writer, and as she needs be, as a protagonist we can get behind.

O.O., forget those couple other small thing's I was going to address cause this review is already too long. So let me say this, I liked this fairy tale a lot, and I was happily behind Rowena during this story. And so much so that I, like the rest of the WDCers around here who have reviewed this, am giving it five stars. And not because I'm a bandwagon guy, but this story is really cute, crisply written, and put a big old smile of my face.

You, like Rowena, can weave magic when you want.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Colors of Youth  
Review by Jakrebs
Rated: E | (5.0)
O.K., V.S., boring story time - That story being that earlier this day I read this, liked it a lot, but honestly, did not completely understand it, so I moved on, with reservations, feeling like I shouldn't move on.

And all that bugged me so much that I hunted this poem back down. (got back here by genre - young adult)

It's very lovely and lyrical, and as far as word choice and vocab go, oh my word! Somebody, knows their way the library, particularly the dictionary and thesaurus section.

And it intrigued me to no end, it still does, although I have to very sheepishly admit, I still don't entirely "get it."

I mean I would guess that this narrator is lonely and feels alienated, so much so that even "home seems far from home." I mean a hermit crab in the wrong shell? Those babies are not too particular about what they crawl into, so that shell must be a very ill fit.

And speaking of animals, I smiled at the polar bear, seal, deer and crocodile allusions/metaphors. Somebody is also a fan of the natural world too, even if those were somewhat grim pictures from her.

Anyway, true comprehension aside, I found this poem intriguing. And I would love, and hope, that you would send me an email, clarifying it up a little for me.

I know such a thing and request is gosh and uncouth in the world of poetry, but I don't care about such. And I like to talk, a bit, with the authors that I like.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Monster  
Review by Jakrebs
Rated: E | (5.0)
5y, I liked this a lot. You created a very interesting character here, and it got me thinking and thinking.

Is this someone you know? Or is this how you view many people you know? Maybe this how you sometimes feel about yourself? I think not on the last one, as someone who can write something like this is probably not going to feel this way, but still...

Or perhaps you just created him out of thin air? If you did, I applaud your imagination.

And oddly enough, I felt sorry for this monster you created. He has a great deal of self-awareness, an very admirable trait in my opinion, and one that, frankly, I find many lack.

And so again, despite the fact that he has, "caused many tears of anguish" I found him compelling.

He is like one of those sociopaths or psychopaths that can't feel empathy, yet unlike most of them, he knows he is broken in some way. But, to swing back in the other direction, he doesn't care in the end (or so he claims). He is like a living Catch-22.

And I found your monster, to be a very solid, compelling storyteller. I was right there with him as he told me his story, even though if I was actually present when he told it to me, I would distance myself from him post haste, once done.

And since, of course, you are the real storyteller here, I thank you for the captivating read.

This piece is great as it is, but if you are thinking about expanding this into something longer, I encourage you. Cause in my opinion, this old boy monster you cooked up, could be a book by himself.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Jakrebs
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Oh my God, this got me laughing!

So many gems in this; 1) The post post apocalypse, 2) money destroys the world, 3) a movie that will delight all ages. Etc...

I would list more gems you penned but I'd just end up typing out all you wrote.

And those movie titles! I'm still giggling and laughing.

I cringe at how people throw five star reviews round here. That practice is as common as...well, as movie sequels. But I have to give this five. What you did here was very creative, got me laughing to no end, yet it has an undercurrent of commentary that made me also nod my head in agreement at times. To me, money is dirty, so I'm very with you with that.

Listen y'all at WDC, if see this review in the review part, swing on over and read the Dr.'s movie ad. It won't take you long cause it's nice and short, and it's real good writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Currying Flavour  
Review by Jakrebs
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was cute, and pretty darn good too.

I like the rhyme scheme. Right in the middle and in a sweet spot for me. Poems that rhyme with every line can end up being kind of sing-songy, and, shall we say, forced? Yet we want some poetic rhythm in our poems right?

You provide that here very nicely by going every other line. Good choice.

And, of course, the topic made me smile.

Off to read something else in your port.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of My Mom is Me  
Review by Jakrebs
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is lovely. Some highfalutin people might scoff at the simplicity of this, but I liked your poem a lot.

This is the exactly the kind of thing I like in a poem. It's creative, you've put your own stamp on it with you're own style. You've created a unique form here. Yes! I want flair! I want to read something I haven't seen before.

Yet it also honors the poetic genre by no being too way out there.

I also understood it, I like my poetry on the clear side.


I don't know...That was a lot of stupid blah, blah, blah about your poem. You kept it simple, so I will keep it simple as well - again, a liked it a lot.

You keep writing. Throw up some more stuff in your port!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Some Hair  
Review by Jakrebs
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is very cute and made me smile. It's also smarty done, and funny.

I can't believe this has thirteen reviews at an average of three stars!?...that is very perplexing to me!

One note - If you wanted to use the climbing plant, it's spelled "Bougainvillea."

Again, I liked this a lot. I'M going to put five stars on her


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Thief of Hearts  
Review by Jakrebs
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Jeff, this came up as a read and review for me, so naturally, I read it.

And now I'm reviewing it.

I'm assuming the picture was the prompt for the contest.

Never mind, of course it is, I see it below your title now.

Very nice, liked it a lot, and all those other trite, banal compliments. But what can I say? I did like it a lot!

Your poem fits in extremely nicely with the image, but you speak to it with a beautiful angle. And those old school Quatern type poems (and their many ilk) are so tough to well. You really have to choose your words carefully so that they don't come off as sing-songy, and just plain bad.

You pulled that off for me. The poem is lyrical, musical, but not silly sounding in the least.

And I like the picture YOU painted - A very universal story of romantic betrayal that you creatively delved into, honoring its theme, while not falling into its pitfalls of cliches.

Additionally, I tend to like my poetry more on the clear (and not overly enigmatic side), so this type of poem is definitely to my taste. I want my poems mostly understandable, yet at the same time, to be, hmmmm, I guess I like them to still have; an air of mystery, to have an intellectually reflective, dreamy side too; and to be personally stylized and stamped by the author as well. A poem has to have author angle and feel to me (if that makes sense).

I need all that! And this poem delivers that! So few do for me...

Got some awesome couplets in there;

"The couple inseparable
No challenge irreparable"

I mean, c'mon! That one in particular brought a smile to my face.

I mean don't we all want that? Be be on a team with someone we love, as we go about getting our asses kicked by this cold world. We want someone to have our back, and we want to be able to work out the problems with them as well when they arise.

And sadly, our female protagonist here thought she had that, until the beast who charmed her (clever and deft choice of with the word "charm" - the imagine of the heart), cheats her, and then swiftly takes off.

So, so "classic." It's just simple bait and switch cruelty. That has happened millions of times in human history to our beloved, and perhaps to ourselves, but you tackled that all to common theme with some very uncommon poetry.

Well, well done.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Decypher  
Review by Jakrebs
Rated: E | (5.0)
Leah! Welcome to WDC!

I tripped over this as I was perusing around read a newbie...and I liked this a lot.

This piece is very engaging as is. It brought a smile to my dour face and soul. It's interesting. It has a charming stream of consciousness element in it's musings, philosophy, and message. I liked it a lot. If you are a youngin,' as I suspect you are, than it's pretty darned impressive.

Now for my suggestion, which you can ignore or not, because, like I said, this is a very good piece as is.

To me this piece screams, "I wanna be a poem!" I want my title still be, "Decypher" but the rest of me needs to be a poem."

It continues to plead, "Why do I want to be a poem?! I'm too lyrical, and I'm too romantic. I mean my very first line is - Love is a cypher, attempted by deficient decoders trying their hardest to be the first crossing the finish line; The first ringing the bell, bragging before their competence, not sparing any time to learn love. I cry out, please stanza me!"

How about something like -

Love is a cypher,
attempted by deficient decoders
trying their hardest to be
the first crossing the finish line.

The first ringing the bell,
bragging before their competence,
not sparing any time to learn love.


Or something like that. I hesitate to send this suggestion to you because you may be thinking that all that sounds stupid and I like my thoughts presented in my patented mini-essay form a lot better than jakrebs's, stupid dopey poetic form suggestion.

Leah, if that's want you're thinking than leave it as is, cause this poem is great great.

But if your muse strikes you and you want to play with a slightly more classic poetic form poetry, than I suggest as you wander around daydreaming over the next few days, you spend some time thinking about making this a somewhat more traditional poem.

I'll end on this thought - Traditions are sometimes things we need to ignore and abandon, for different reasons. In this case I think making this more traditional, with stanzas for instance, would tighten this up. And if you do than I'm not concerned at all that this will become too...too...conformist?

It won't be too conformist cause your still at the helm. I mean even when you strive toward the more traditional, it still going to be non-tradionalist you.

Still giving it five stars as is, cause it is damn good as is.

Excuse the sloppily written review cause I'm running late.

Reading this, and loving it, and reviewing this, made me late.

The ultimate compliment.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of A Rainy Day  
Review by Jakrebs
Rated: E | (5.0)
I stumbled across this through 'read a newbie', although I say, "You may be a newbie here at WDC, but you're not a newbie to penning poetry."

This is definitely the kind of poetry I like, and there is a ton to unpack here as to why I say this. Bear with me, I liked this a lot, so this review is going to be longess.

Firstly, this poem hits so many classic poetic marks, and in a good way. It's lyrical, and it has lots of very, very nice images (examples - rivulets have paraded the lane - I will dream of a rendezvous under the shower of a bower.) C'mon, those are too good...

And it rhymes! Classic again.

And "jokes" aside, it rhymes without being sing-songy. This is hard to pull off.

It's gentle and romantic, but not in a drippy, sappy, whiny way. Again, this is very tough to pull of. Most poetry that people write that tackles the theme of love (and its meaning regarding connection, desire and yearning, etc.), fails to move me and makes me want to puke.

Your poem here did not do that at all. I dug it, and I read it a bunch of times while thinking of each and every line, in and of themselves. And it got me invested in the narrator/protagonist. Instead of wanting to slap him or her, I found myself rooting for him/her. When done reading your poem, I was wishing that he/she gets that desired romantic, rainy day rendezvous.

So traditional poetry tropes honored, "A Rainy Day" also has lots of outsidetheaxle angles and touches that round out a standard poetic template that can make a poem trite.

Each line can stand alone. Take, "You seep into dried hopes, reigniting and coddling," This line makes perfect sense by itself, yet it fits into the the rest of the poem tightly, and on different levels. It continues the water healing/cleanizing/rejuvenating theme beautifully for example.

The poem's length is perfect. It's short, but not spare. Some might suggest making the poem longer. Don't listen to them, and don't touch it, leave it like you have it now.

The first line sets up the tone (and theme) of the poem without misstep. I like how its wordplay juxtaposes the poem's simple title, and it immediately starts you on the path (or gets you in your lane, if you will) that the rest of the poem's lines will build upon deftly.

Listen, I could go on and on with praise for your poem (no joke). But let me end this review with your poem's end. I like a poem with a good "killer line" at the end. Your poem here has a great killer two line ending couplet...

Oh no you didn't!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Jakrebs
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
She goes to Philadelphia and gets a philly cheese stake, and that stake goes right to her heart.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of The Jar with Ears  
Review by Jakrebs
Rated: E | (5.0)
Aww, double aww.

What a great idea for a story. It has been a long time since I've read anything with such a creative premise.

Or such an important premise too.

This is great as is, but you could play with this story as well.

You could shorten it and make it a children's story/book. Making it rhyme and a simple poem would work well into making it that book.

You could also lengthen it a little and flush it out more. You could give the jar a backstory, maybe it was somewhere else before it appeared on the counter of Bob's counter. Or maybe give the jar more of a personal voice. I read your bio and see you've lived in the south for some time. The jar seems to me a southern belle with a heart, you could give her a little drawl.

Or you could keep it just as it is. This is a great concept for a story, and you transferred that idea very deftly and nicely into your story. I could picture Bob's store, the community and what the jar thought of it's people clearly.

This is a wonderful story. I hope more people round here trip over it like I did and read it.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Jakrebs
Rated: E | (4.5)
That is very very cute.

It has children's book written all over it.

All you need is more of the same.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of The Visitor  
Review by Jakrebs
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Angus, been a long while since I reviewed anything here. Going to slap some praise on this though cause it's real real good.

Zippy, moved right along. Like that. In this day-in-age that's a plus. But the story isn't hurt by its brevity. You develop a rounded, full story in a short span, that is hard to pull off.

And so many nice twists. And so many nice lines.

"Because you’ve never really loved anyone. Simple as that. You’ve never known what love is."

That's one. And...

"So would you like to trade your soul for one of your own?”

That's another. Lots to digest with that line.

And the end. Perfect.

We all know you can write horror. But I think when you mix horror with, I don't know, the human condition, or literature, or something high minded, that mixture is when you are really weaving your magic.

That's what you did here.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I like the dreamy-nether state you put the character in. Writers often use dreams as a story telling tool, and sadly, over use them poorly. You used your character's dream state very appropriately here. Another wise writing decision.

This story is great. And the last line is downright beautiful.

How is he feeling?

He's feeling a lot of things, and none of them good.

One of the best horror short stories I've ever read.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
22
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Review of When I'm Thin  
Review by Jakrebs
Rated: E | (5.0)
JC the funny thing is, like you say, men show very little interest in bigger women, but as far as writing goes (luckily) that rule doesn't apply.

This held my interest from beginning to end. I liked the short paragraph form you picked and I thought you did a lovely job of translating your thoughts into poetic writing.

I was riveted when I read this and I was right there with you along for the unhappy ride, whether it was with you trying to get past someone through a narrow hall or with you as you wished you could bond closer with your sisters.

It was somewhat of a sad ride, but honestly I couldn't help but smile some too, because while you're sad about your weight and that moved me, I couldn't help but be pleased by how flat out well you write.

Just remember smart is always sexy too.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Light of Night  
Review by Jakrebs
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hmmm, my interpretation of this?, (and I know it's not what you intended for sure) is this poem is about death. Wanting death. Leaving this stink hole world, with it's fear, sadness and pain (and day shadows) and just succumbing to the freeing and embracing light of night.

But for me it don't really matter what this poem is sapposed to be about anyways. It's perfect.

Don't change a word of it.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Anatomy Lab  
Review by Jakrebs
Rated: E | (4.5)
Oh my God, sadorose, this got me laughing and laughing. It took no longer than the second line before I busted out laughing.

It also got me thinking. At first I thought the, "Many chunks were tossed" line was wrong. But then I went back to the song on youtube. The tiny ship was tossed. The tiny ship was tossed! So it works, it works.

Listen I always hesitate to make/offer constructive criticism for pieces (who am I?), but I do have one for this - It would be to tighten it up with the Gilligan's theme song. Your song, it seems to me does not follow the theme song beat for beat or line for line for that matter. For example, you say "Many chunks were tossed." That's missing a couple syllables from, "The Minnow would be lost."

To "fix" this might be simple. Say, for instance, "Many lumpy chunks were tossed. Many lumpy chunks were tossed."

I know what you're thinking. This was a toss off poem, it need not follow the song exactly. But rose, I friggin' loved this. I think it will be funnier if your lab "song" follows the cadence of the theme song beat for beat, cause the reader will be singing it in his head as he reads your changes. That's so crucial to the humor.

Also I wanted your lab characters so bad! I know, just know, that the ones you come up with will be gems. Where's your lab version of Gilligan and the Skipper and the millionaire and his wife? And for Pete's sake, where's the PROFESSOR and Mary Anne?)

Actually it looks like you didn't finish it? Maybe???

Anyway, it's wicked clever and amusing as it is, so you can ignore my suggestion to make it beat for beat and line for line like the song. But it would make it longer, and in this case, I think for this short piece more would be better.

And I'm sure anything you added would get me smiling and laughing like a fool.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
25
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Review of Fade  
Review by Jakrebs
Rated: E | (5.0)
Ha, no wonder you liked my poem, this is full of gentle angst as well. I dug this a lot. The rhythm and the repetition of "I fade" is perfectly used to counterbalance the lines in between.

This is my favorite kind of poetry. I don't see it very often, but when I do I get this big smile of my face, despite the heaviness of loss the narrator feels and her slipping father away from...from...maybe everything...I can't help but appreciate the universality of someone who feels loss and because of this is lost.

Wish I had time to read more of your stuff right now, but I have to go.

I fade too....


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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