*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jannlewis
Review Requests: OFF
9 Public Reviews Given
9 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Ruptured  
Review by Jennifer Lewis
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello! I wanted to say I really did enjoy this piece. It grabbed me from the beginning and kept me reading. The tale isn't a new one, but you have done it in a way that makes the reader want to keep going. Your characters shine through and I feel as if I know them by the time I am done reading.

I might have to kill my computer. I did grammatical reviewing for you and it deleted it all. Mostly, look for run-on sentences. You have a lot of areas where you use commas and instead can make separate sentences. Or you can use semi-colons or colons.

Sometimes you also switch tense in mid-sentence; such as the character 'felt' and then 'feels'. As a reader I know it jarred me from the flow of the story.

This story held my interest until the very end. I really enjoyed it. I like how you ended with the second characters POV. I think it made for a perfect ending.
1 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jannlewis