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6 Public Reviews Given
14 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Harry's Prairie  
Review by COJay
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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The intent of this Full House Review is to focus on the ending of a novel or short story.


Pace:

The pace of the story was good. I wasn't sure where the story was going after the first paragraph, but it kept me reading. You didn't spend too much time on any one scene. Good job.

Loose Ends:

Absolutely no loose ends. The ending was great! It brought out an immediate smile and chuckle.

Overall Impression:

This was very well done. I definitely enjoyed it. The only thing that stands out that I had to reread a few times was this:

'He's traded his wheat and corn fields for a backyard vegetable garden, but he's as obsessed with planting and harvesting as he ever was.'

You point out that he is retired from farming. I associate harvesting with farming. Since he has switched from farming to gardening, he really isn't harvesting anymore. I don't know if I am explaining it well enough, it just tripped me up a little bit. I don't know if something a little different would sound better, like:

'He is almost as obsessed with planting this garden as he was harvesting his fields.'

I am not a pro and don't pretend to be one. The last thing that I want to do is offend someone. This is only my opinion, which is just that. Please do not take this as anything else. Again, it only sounded that way to ME.

Great story! Keep writing!


This piece was reviewed on behalf of: "Invalid Item" 
2
2
Review by COJay
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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The intent of this Royal Flush Review is to examine everything in a novel or short story. Grammar, format, plot, characters, imagery, dialogue, etc.


The Hook:

Right from the get go, I could not stop reading this story! The more I read it, the more I laughed, and the more I found myself craving more!

Grammar:

There really isn't much to say on the grammar. How can there be corrections on something that is supposed to be wrong? Perfect!

Structure:

The structure was great. I liked the short explanations on each character that was introduced, and then the smooth transition back to the main story.

Plot:

The plot was great! Who doesn't like a story about murder and ghosts and just plain messed up people?

Characters:

Junior Young. Wow! Awesome! He reminded me of a character from the book (and movie) All The Pretty Horses, which is one of my favorites of all time. The other characters were very original and I could picture each and every one of them in my mind. Great job!

Dialogue:

The dialogue was excellent. It was funny and flowed well with everything else.

Ending:

The ending was good. The foreshadowing did a good job of showing what would probably happen. Not exactly what would happen, just that Junior was going to end up on the short end of the stick. I was definitely sad to see this one end.

Overal Impression:

If I could rate this higher than 5, I would! I really enjoyed reading this! Well done!

This piece was reviewed on behalf of: "Invalid Item" 
3
3
Review by COJay
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
The intent of this Royal Flush Review is to examine everything in a novel or short story. Grammar, format, plot, characters, imagery, dialogue, etc.


The Hook:

After reading the first paragraph, the reader MUST continue to read. The reader knows that someone is sneaking around, but is it a good guy or a bad guy? What is the character's goal? After reading the opening, it is impossible to not continue. Good job.

Grammar:

There are a few spots that may need to be looked over. For the most part, you have written any actions in the past tense. There is a sentence that reads, "I wonder why." This self asked question follows the part in the story when Bliss sounds panicky. Maybe it shouls be switched to "wondered".

In another sentence, there is this statement:
"...sending my foot into his face; sending him to the floor."
I think it would be better if a comma replaced the semi-colon.

In that same part, there is also this:
"I toppled the desk on top, trapping him."
This just doesn't quite sound right to me. Maybe by adding something like, "I overturned his desk onto his motionless body, pinning him to the floor." Or something along those lines.

In the final dialogue, it reads, '"Take your child and run if you want to live" I suggested.' Think about putting a comma inside the quotes between "live" and "I".

All of these are very minor. By no means am I an expert on these things, just my opinions.

Structure:

I liked the structure, with one exception. The opening line is apparently a thought by the main character. It stands alone and asks two questions. It makes me ask myself, Who is the "one", and what did he/she do? One of the questions is apparent and the other remains to be answered. This is fine, seeing as this is one chapter of a story. But, the line just seems out of place. Maybe if you were to incorporate it elsewhere in the story, it may fit better. Again, this is only my opinion.

Plot:

The plot continues to evolve and keeps me reading. I know that the main character was sent to kill a rich person who is aware that he did something wrong. I also know that this person mentions other people's names which shows that there is more to the present storyline.

Characters:

Not much is revealed in detail about the characters. I am not sure what either one looks like, male or female, although I can somewhat picture them in my head by the way that they interact with each other. I think the jury is still out on the characters until more is written.

Overall Impression:

I will address this at the end of the review.

Dialogue:

The dialogue was good. I really liked the response by Daetia when Bliss is saying that it wasn't his fault. It reveals a little of his/her personality.

Ending:

Well, this isn't really an ending. As an end for a chapter, yes I liked it. But I think for reviewing purposes, this would pertain to the whole story.

Overal Impression:

Overall, I liked it. I think there is room for improvement, but I think that there is room for improvement in ANY writing. I am definitely looking forward to reading more of this story. I want to see the characters develop and find out what a person did to deserve death by fire. Keep writing!

This piece was reviewed on behalf of: "Invalid Item" 
4
4
Review of You Did What ??  
Review by COJay
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
The intent of this Full House Review is to focus on the ending of a novel or short story.


Pace:
For as short a piece as this is, it flows rather nicely. It surprised me in the fact that so much could be accomplished in so few words. Good work!

Loose Ends:
Definitely no loose ends. I laughed out loud at the ending. Very, very original and funny (although I do feel bad for Mr. Price).

Overall Impression:
I liked it from beginning to end. You don't have to give a physical description of Mr. Jackson because I think everyone has a picture in their mind of who that guy is. I know I do. Again, the ending was GREAT! I really enjoyed reading this.

This piece was reviewed on behalf of: "Invalid Item" 
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