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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jburgesscst
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250 Public Reviews Given
365 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by jburgesscst
Rated: E | (4.5)
Spelling and Punctuation:
No errors noted.


Plot and/or Structure:
This was great. You really developed Mary's life, and gave her another complication to deal with.


Style and/or Rhythm:
Again, you have a nice writing style.


Areas for Improvement:
None.


My Overall Thoughts:
Deeper we go into Mary's life. I'm excited to know what happens with her new love.



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2
2
Review by jburgesscst
Rated: E | (4.0)
Spelling and Punctuation:
No errors noted.


Plot and/or Structure:
This was a good opening for a novel. You successfully introduced the main character, told a good deal about her as a person, and hinted at some drama to come.


Style and/or Rhythm:
You have a nice writing style I didn't see any sentences that were poorly worded, nothing that caused my eyes to stumble over an awkward phrase.


Areas for Improvement:
None.


My Overall Thoughts:
I liked this opening quite a bit. I'm gaining familiarity with pinoy culture and the parts where you discuss the idea of Asian beauty vs European beauty was particularly resonant.



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3
3
Review by jburgesscst
Rated: E | (4.0)
Spelling and Punctuation:
No errors noted.


Plot and/or Structure:
Well constructed timeline; an entire day told in fewer than 800 words.


Style and/or Rhythm:
You have a very simple style which reads easily.


Areas for Improvement:
None.


My Overall Thoughts:
This was a nice short work about a childhood celebration which most everyone in this nation can remember in some fashion. Your depiction of small town America parades and fireworks reminds me of my own experiences on this holiday. Thanks for sharing.



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4
4
Review of ANONYMOUS RATERS  
Review by jburgesscst
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
         I also have received a few anonymous reviews which I felt were quite cowardly. One went so far as to give me a 1.5 for an otherwise highly rated story, only saying that they wanted to read and review it but for the 'ugly' language. I had one curse word.

          I'm not sure the purpose of offering the anonymous option for reviews. I'd love to hear a justification for continuing to allow it on the site.

         All right, I'm better now. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest, Phew!




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5
5
Review by jburgesscst
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Spelling and Punctuation:
It’s just something that I never got around to mentioned--Mentioning.

“Scarred over puncture wound on her right shoulder.”--I'm admittedly unsure about this one, but should it be scarred-over?

the long list of women I had caused some form of permanent injury to, was concerning.--I think that comma's unnecessary.

Whenever I dated someone knew,--new.


Plot and/or Structure:
Very good.


Style and/or Rhythm:
Your style is very smooth.


Areas for Improvement:
No more than the few minor things above.


My Overall Thoughts:
I liked this a lot. What an interesting idea for a story. I can see why it received a ribbon. Thanks for sharing this.



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6
6
Review of Per Diventare  
Review by jburgesscst
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Spelling and Punctuation:
I pull into the hospital parking and finds the closest space--find, no s.

A look of fear crossed the nurses fear as she returned to her reading materials--I think it should be face, unless I misunderstood.

bleach blond bimbo--blonde.

"My cell mate made her bitch last night."--made me her bitch, right?

"Hey, going out tonight?" Kimberly's voice was bubbly as every, fizzing through the phone. --ever.


Plot and/or Structure:
You developed the characters well, created conflict in her life, and hinted at more to come.


Style and/or Rhythm:
My patience was threadbare--Such a simple metaphor, but still so unique.

The reason James couldn't drive to pick up their father--Change this to 'our father' or something similarly first-person.

He was well weighted down with fat and hypocrisy.--It almost makes me jealous how good this imagery is.


Areas for Improvement:
Nothing more than the minor things above.


My Overall Thoughts:
I first read your short works,which are sadly not posted here anymore, two years ago. I fell in love with your writing then. I'm still a fan. I'll be reading the rest of this book-in-progress. I can't believe you haven't gotten more recognition on this site. Anyone who passes your portfolio is making a big mistake. Any chance you'd put a few of your older works back?



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7
7
Review of In That Instant  
Review by jburgesscst
Rated: E | (4.5)
         So I'm not a poet, nor a poetry connoisseur, but I really liked this. Maybe it's because I can see the message, feel the emotion, relate to your words. I've always thought that's what poetry's all about.

         I see that you've had some low ratings on this. I disagree, but I'm no expert. I liked how you ended the poem with a strong theme you had already shown. The emotions were very real, telling me that this must be something you have felt very recently. Pain is the catalyst of creativity.

Life sucks and good art is the result.



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8
8
Review by jburgesscst
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Spelling and Punctuation:
Occasionally he would see her glance around at neighboring tables--Put a comma after occasionally.


Plot and/or Structure:
I liked how the story developed. You built the tension well.


Style and/or Rhythm:
Though I'm not a fan of telling a story in the past-tense, you made it work for me.


Areas for Improvement:
I feel like this could've been developed a bit more. I liked how you let the song tell the major points of the story, but maybe a little more detail could make this sing.


My Overall Thoughts:
I think this is a good story; unique in its telling, tragic in its content, and perfectly relatable to anyone who's suffered a lost love.



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9
9
Review by jburgesscst
Rated: E | (4.0)
Spelling and Punctuation:
and the colors of heaven are vibrantly sheer. ,--Delete the comma.


Plot and/or Structure:
Well done.


Style and/or Rhythm:
THe flow of this was nicely done.


Areas for Improvement:
None.


My Overall Thoughts:
This was a nice poem told from an interesting perspective. Thanks for sharing.



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10
10
Review by jburgesscst
Rated: E | (4.0)
Spelling and Punctuation:
No errors noted.


Plot and/or Structure:
Short and sweet.


Style and/or Rhythm:
Well done here. This flowed well, not dragging anywhere.


Areas for Improvement:
None.


My Overall Thoughts:
I enjoyed this reflective piece about small-town childhood. I also had a small-town childhood so this had a particular relevance for me. Thanks for sharing this part of your life.



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11
11
Review of untitled  
Review by jburgesscst
Rated: E | (4.5)
         You're my girlfriend, so I couldn't give this a five. That would be too easy, plus I know this is about me.

         I'm so glad you finally stepped out on the ledge and posted a poem here. I've always told you that you have a gift. Get over your fear of critique and put more of our beautiful poems in your portfolio for the rest of this community to see. I don't think you'll be sorry.

         You're talented. Don't be afraid of criticism. We all have to thicken our skin. I love you.
12
12
Review of Memories Unmade  
Review by jburgesscst
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Spelling and Punctuation:
No errors found. Good job.


Plot and/or Structure:
This flowed well. I couldn't find any places where my eyes stumbled over a misplaced word.


Style and/or Rhythm:
Very heavy. Lots of emotion. Well done.


Areas for Improvement:
None.


My Overall Thoughts:
This was an emotionally weighted poem. Very well executed, smooth. I enjoyed this. Thanks for sharing.


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13
13
Review by jburgesscst
Rated: E | (4.0)
Spelling and Punctuation:
In the first verse, you don't need to capitalize intentions. You also omitted the ed from learn.
In the second verse, you again omit the ed form learn, and use these things instead of this things.
In the third verse, you forgot to capitalize I. Change awaited to awaiting, ran to run, and add an apostrophe to whats so it reads what's.


Plot and/or Structure:
I liked how this poem fit together. You progress from questioning your actions to questioning your own happiness.


Style and/or Rhythm:
No problems here.


Areas for Improvement:
Only the spelling and punctuation issues.


My Overall Thoughts:
I liked this poem. I think it's extremely good for a first piece. Keep up the good work. I look forward to reading more of your writing.


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14
14
Review of Life  
Review by jburgesscst
Rated: E | (4.5)
Spelling and Punctuation:
No errors noted


Plot and/or Structure:
Nicely done.


Style and/or Rhythm:
Smooth. This flowed well.


Areas for Improvement:
None.


My Overall Thoughts:
I really enjoyed this short poem. I failed to read the genre before I started reading, and was pleasantly surprised by the ending. I had assumed throughout that this was someone pining for a lost love. Well done.


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15
15
Review of Got It?  
Review by jburgesscst
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
         This is truly awful writing; worse then that time I was tricked into reading James Patterson. What I just endured to write this review was so painful I felt compelled to give you five stars and say that I think you should've won that bad writing contest. Great job on this-God, I can't even believe I'm saying this.




         I'm going to include this on the public reviews page. Let's see if I get banned form the site for harassment.
16
16
Review of The Dream  
Review by jburgesscst
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Spelling and Punctuation:
That same nightmare - again! --I think a period would work better than a hyphen here.
but she could not seem to get rid of the fear - no panic - that it brought.--Try using a comma after no to create the pause you're looking for.


Plot and/or Structure:
Well-paced. You let the story develop just enough, the tension build to just the right pitch, before the climax.


Style and/or Rhythm:
I think you overuse the hyphen a bit. Try replacing it with other punctuations so it doesn't dominate the page.


Areas for Improvement:
Only the punctuation issue I already mentioned.


My Overall Thoughts:
This was a fun read; fun in the way a scary movie can be fun. I found myself leaning forward in my chair as the summer days past, knowing all the time that tragedy was coming, but not knowing when. Good job.


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17
17
Review by jburgesscst
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Spelling and Punctuation:
Each year I am required to feed upon the spirit of a stranger and frighten him into madness or, death.--No comma is needed before death.

Plot and/or Structure:
Fast-paced; well done.


Style and/or Rhythm:
I liked the casual tone you used with phrases such as: Here comes the good part.


Areas for Improvement:
You tense shift a few times through the story. I think focusing on a present-tense wording for this story would add to the immediacy.


My Overall Thoughts:
This was surprising. Very short, nothing extraneous, and a nice twist at the end. Good job.


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18
18
Review of Love Letters  
Review by jburgesscst
Rated: E | (4.0)
         Hello girl. I found your story on Paleon's review forum. I'll go through the technical points first then give you a summarization of my thoughts. Here goes:

Spelling and Punctuation:
Nothing I could find except the use of secretarie which I assume must be a British spelling.



Plot and/or Structure:
I feel like this could use some work; I'll explain later.



Style and/or Rhythm:
You used a few literary tricks I'm very fond of, such as the repetition of words or phrases; like this one: Dozens of sheets. Hundreds of words. Thousands of symbols. Symbols of life, love, passion.. Followed by: Dozen of sheets.
Hundreds of words.
Thousands of symbols.
Symbols of pain, lies, betrayal.

I liked the slight change you made to show Annie's new reality.


Areas for Improvement:
The plot was thin, almost rushed. At least that's how it felt to me. I think you could give this story more body by filling out her memories just a bit more. When she remembers what a wonderful man Michael is, how sensitive and loving he can be, add a small anecdote or flashback to support it, then it becomes more than just a few words on the page, but memories.



My Overall Thoughts:
My final impression with this story is that I liked it. I'm fond of the word play you used, and I'm a huge fan of the emotional twist. It's a technique I use myself. I liked the way you cut between his words on the page and her words of dialogue. The only thing I could say as a negative would be what I already said in the previous section. Great job and keep writing.



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19
19
Review of The Perfect Woman  
Review by jburgesscst
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Spelling and Punctuation:
And Ill feel like she was sent from up above, You forgot the apostophe.


Plot and/or Structure:
Well done.


Style and/or Rythym:
You had a nice rythym in this piece.


Areas for Improvement:
None.


My Overall Thoughts:
This was a fun little read. I don't think you're dream woman is only a fantasy.

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20
20
Review by jburgesscst
Rated: E | (4.0)

         I really enjoyed reading this exshaustive history lesson on a small New England town which was more vital than any of us knew in our nations early history. The number of important historical events which happened in this town is really amazing.

         To answer your earlier question, I don't think todays high school students are required to compile nearly as much information for their senior projects. Well done and thanks for sharing.
21
21
Review of Give Me To Drink  
Review by jburgesscst
Rated: E | (4.0)
Spelling and Punctuation:
Whoever drinks from Jacobs well will surely thirst again Use an apostraphe in Jacob's to show possesion.


Plot and/or Structure:
Good here.


Style and/or Rythym:
No prolems here.


Areas for Improvement:
Nothing major.


My Overall Thoughts:
This was an interesting tribute to your religious faith. Thanks for sharing.

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by A Guest Visitor


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22
22
Review by jburgesscst
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Spelling and Punctuation:
No errors found.


Plot and/or Structure:
Good job here.


Style and/or Rythym:
Well done, no awkward phrases.


Areas for Improvement:
None.


My Overall Thoughts:
I liked this tribute to the guitarist. You captured the feeling of small venues. Good job.

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by A Guest Visitor


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23
23
Review by jburgesscst
Rated: E | (4.0)
Spelling and Punctuation:
No errors found.


Plot and/or Structure:
This moved well.


Style and/or Rythym:
Nice flow.


Areas for Improvement:
None.


My Overall Thoughts:
I liked this. It was a quick moving piece about a simple process we've all undertaken.

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by A Guest Visitor


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24
24
Review by jburgesscst
Rated: E | (4.0)
u}Spelling and Punctuation:
No errors found.


Plot and/or Structure:
Not entirely relevant here.


Style and/or Rythym:
This was good. I liked the relaxed feel you employed in this.


Areas for Improvement:
Perhaps incorporate the addendums into the main body of the work.


My Overall Thoughts:
I liked this an think it was due for you to expose yourself to us. I've read nearly everything in your port and am a fan of your 'Best and Worst of Times' series. My only suggestion, which I mentioned, above, would be to remove the sddendums and incorporate the information into the main body of the memoir. It's not a big deal but I think it could polish the piece just that last little bit.

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by A Guest Visitor


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25
25
Review by jburgesscst
Rated: E | (4.0)
         I think you have a viable story idea here. I like the combination of fantasy and reality all playing itself out inside this one boy's head. Strive for realistic problems for Thomas to battle in real life and indulge your creativity for fantasy battles in his fantasy world. This should be a fun story when it's finished.

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by A Guest Visitor


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