I really liked this poem. You did a nice job of putting into words the struggle that comes with making choices and facing changes, as with all changes there is a degree of fear, need, and want.
There were a few lines that didn't flow as smoothly as the rest.
And the is the choice too to be made
There's a choice to be make;
We have to jump of the abyss;
I would not have imagined a story about a spider would draw me in like this one did. Descriptive and beautiful. I felt like it could have easily continued on into a riveting adventure.
I read it allowed just to find anything to critique. The only thing I could come up with is that when I was reading aloud I had to correct myself twice. When it read "light and darkness" I instinctively tried to read it as "light and dark."
Very nice. I'm glad it came up to review.
"I am the forgotten parts of you, and the darkened cracks of sanity's demise." I love this. Very nice.
I liked the whole story. Everyone has a struggle going on within themselves. Some struggle more than others. Sometimes sanity wins, other times it fails. Yet we are who we are and we cannot escape ourselves. You did a wonderful job of putting that to words. I'm glad I stopped by for the read.
I feel a bit pouty, having to miss the interesting and possibly steamy scene that was sure to follow, while simultaneously laughing as I picture her falling on her face. Hehehe! It was a very good ending! One word pops into my mind. Karma! :)
There was really only one thing that I can even try to critique and it is certainly not anything big, possibly not even worth mentioning, a slight bump in the flow, so to speak.
"It was a miracle at all that her dad had been invited to the company's fifteenth anniversary party."
It was the, 'at all' part. I understand exactly what you were saying. I just wonder how it would flow removing those two words or for a more dramatic effect perhaps a slight rephrase using the word miraculous in said sentence or the next.
Just a thought. :D
Either way, I enjoyed the read! Thank you!
Creative and deep. It lost me a bit, mostly because I would get off a line and have to find my spot again. Might I suggest spaces between paragraphs or indentations?
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