First Impression: This is a pretty classic situation of love lost and the pain of trying to move on with life.


Rhyme/Rhythm/Form: Although short, only comprised of four couplets, you did a great job with spanning the entire grieving process. The rhyme scheme is good and the rhythm flows nicely during the first two stanzas. The last half of the piece is a bit halting, though. Slight editing would fix that easily.


Emotion/Imagery: Great emotion! "out of my mind", "envy the dead", etc. Your choice of wording utilized excellent imagery as well. When I can "picture" what is happening in my mind's eye, it affects me more deeply. (ex: put up a fight, walk with the living).


Punctuation/Grammar: Everything in these categories looks good to me!


Suggestions:

First Impression: This caught my eye because I am such a dog lover. What a wonderful place this would be!


Rhyme/Rhythm/Form: You began with a basic quatrain, but after that there wasn't much structure. Although "together" and "other" can slide by as almost rhyming, the pattern isn't repeated anywhere else, so it is almost as if that were accidental. The timing also differs from the first stanza to the second.


Emotion/Imagery: The emotion in these words is wonderful! I first felt nostalgia for the "far away fanstasy world". It warmed my heart to imagine a place of peace and equality. Imagery was good too. Stanza two, line one almost "showed" me a dog pushing a bone over to his neighbor so they could both chew on it, and then I pictured green fields and crystal clear water. Lovely!


Punctuation/Grammar: The only issue I saw was a misplaced comma after line three in stanza four.


Suggestions: You may consider changing that one lone comma to a period, making the final two line complete sentences. Or you could also use a semi-colon.

First Impression: This is simple yet effective. I want a hot, sweet, creamy cup of coffee RIGHT NOW!!!


Rhyme/Rhythm/Form: What you have here is a perfect example of a Cinquain. I am sure you got a good grade on that lesson for your class, because it is flawless.


Emotion/Imagery: Emotion and imagery combined here to make me salivate. Excellent job!


Punctuation/Grammar: No errors found.


Suggestions: I have no suggestions for improvement. This is a gem!

Hi Jessica! It was my pleasure to read "Blue Devil" .

I would like to offer my perspective and some helpful comments!

First Impression: The description under the title doesn't seem to quite match the subject matter. That "feeling of being cut off" is well documented here, but the speaker is clearly in this situation as a result of heart break. And it is obvious that they desire healing, whether it be by the return of their love or through their own determination.


Rhyme/Rhythm/Form: In theory, it appears that the intention here was to construct the piece in quatrain form made up of rhyming couplets. Unfortunately, the attempt at a rhyme scheme hasn't worked out so well. Another thing to be careful of is your timing. A great trick that I was taught is to read the finished piece out loud! That allows you to hear the rhythm the way it will come across to a reader. Whatever does not fit, edit until it does. Example: Stanza's one and two have similar flow, but stanza three offers an uncomfortable interruption that mars the overall effect.


Emotion/Imagery: Emotion? Wow! It is quite obvious the speaker is experiencing an incredible amount of despair, regret and desperation! I can almost feel the aching pouring out from a lost soul. Nice use of imagery as well. I especially liked "drowning in the sea". However, I was a little confused over "uncovered by the night". With the night being dark, how can something be uncovered? See suggestion below.


Punctuation/Grammar: I love the total lack of punctuation! Sometimes for me, when reading poetry, I find punctuation to be a distraction from the emotional impact the piece could have had otherwise. Good choice! Pay close attention to word usage. In stanzas one, four , five and six, you ended the first lines with the word "silence". If this was intentional, then the other stanzas should have been the same. If it was not intentional, it seems redundant and may benefit from editing that would replace a few spots with a different word. Also, in stanza one, "My emotions binded" simply does not work. I know what you are trying to say, but binded isn't even a real word. Sorry.


Suggestions: If you decide to use rhyming couplets in future poem, make sure they fit perfectly. Otherwise, steer clear of rhyming and make it more free verse. An excellent use of free verse carries much more impact than poor use of rhyme. Stanza five: Perhaps the use of "covered" would be a better choice...as though the speaker was trying to hide his intense rage.

Hello HuntersMoon! Your work, "Heavenly Light"  is being reviewed by a member of the Rockin' PDG Gifting Station!

First Impression: In the beginning, I thought "cute!" and figured the entire piece would be humorous. Assumptions get me in trouble quite often. By the end, I was somber and thoughtful. I believe one sign of good writing is when a piece can make the reader think. This certainly did.


Rhyme/Rhythm/Form: Purists would point out that stanzas one, five and seven are not true rhyme, but I am far from a purist and felt the rhyming worked very well. I particularly enjoyed the use of "bespeckles". The couplet form is perfectly represented here, although I personally felt the rhythm lost its flow slightly with the final stanza.


Emotion/Imagery: As I mentioned in my first impression, this made me feel many emotions. The poem is amusing, thought provoking, solemn and convicting. Your use of imagery is understated yet extremely effective considering I was able to picture everything in my mind without really being conscious of it.


Suggestions: Stanza three feels odd as if it were not a complete sentence/thought. If you were to remove the word "when", it seems to flow better. Also, in stanza six, "breathe" should be spelled "breath".


These opinions and suggestions are based simply on my own observations. Please only take what you find helpful and leave the rest. It was a pleasure to read your work!