It is HARD to maintain a Bible-reading habit and a true relationship with our Lord. It isn't on His part, bu†I know that I struggle with staying awake at 7am to read and pray. My daytimes are full of other things, the "cares of this world" (Matthew chapter 6, I think). I forget to just talk with Him as I go about my day and even ask Him for wisdom when I have somthing that needs to be decided.
As for the item itself, I think you might consider breaking into another paragraph after the phrase "real life intervened".
This is much more like what I was expecting in the last chapter. Good job!
I still think they say "God, this." and "God, that." too much. I think you're creative enough to come up with other appropriate expletives. At the same time, perhaps it is natural for a person to use the same expletive in real life. I can't decide if it isn't realistic or if it's just my own personality quirk. In other words, just because it bugs me doesn't mean that it isn't good or valid writing.
You're continuing a very uplifting and encouraging story. I enjoy reading it. Your characters are lovable and the reader really wants to see what happens in each chapter.
The only feeling that I got was that this was becoming "too good to be true". You named the chapter "The Real Challenge Begins" but in reading it I wondered where the challenge was. Crystal was able to do everything on her first try. Oh, she wavered once and Erick had to tell her that she was on her toes but the whole ability of learning how to walk again didn't seem all that challenging for her. She was way too good at it.
Maybe Crystal should grab onto Erick once or twice. After all, she is relearning her balance. Wouldn't these two characters relish the inadvertent hugs that would entail? For her balance and her encouragement?
This is an interesting new development. Personally, I don't think I'd need an ASA, but it's great to see how you are constantly working to keep this site unique and fresh. I applaud you.
One thing that I don't understand after reading all this...is an ASA available with an upgraded membership or does it require its own upgrade?
I think this is just excellent writing! Extremely well done.
I really enjoyed the word pictures that your descriptive language evoked. The turn from ripples created by casting stones in a lake to the symbolic ripples of reaction to a kiss is superb.
Very interesting perspective. I like the imagery you used. "flying red beast' using the expression "the heart's a hunter" but freshening it up...it is not cliche here. Bravo for that!
The last line "I can't live with or without her" brings the piece back from the ethereal to the real world.
Thoughts that everybody has, I'm sure. I like the way you express them.
No capitalization, no punctuation...or minimal anyway. I particularly like the use of "or's" in one line. Only a poet can get away with that sort of thing.
I have always loved thunderstorms. Where some folks go hiding down in basements and teach their children "it's thundering! it's lightning! Oh me Oh my!" I have always been of the opinion.."Hey, it's fireworks...let's enjoy the show!"
Your poem is almost as much fun to read as it is to look out of the window at a thunderstorm.
This is really good.....how amusingly appropriate that he'd have Riley get in the middle and set up a meeting. Poor Riley.
In the next to last chapter, Lisa is telling Kristen that "girls would kill to have eyes as pretty as your..." I think you wanted to add an "s" to the end and make it "yours".
Really good chapter. Interesting that you got rid of an antagonist before he antagonized anyone, but there's something going on here, and it will be interesting to see what it is.
I noticed a grammatical glitch I think you might want to correct.
"After stopping at a convenience store to buy Riley the promised carton of cigarettes, Riley had drove him home." I think here you want the word 'driven' rather than 'drove'. Or you'd want to omit the word 'had', simply saying "Riley drove him home."
Very descriptive. I like the thinking through of how she'd get into the house undiscovered.
I was confused a little about her entering from the garage and going DOWNSTAIRS to the basement as our garages ARE on the same level as our basements. Also, bedrooms are generally UPSTAIRS. I did reread this a couple of times, just to get the house figured out.
I couldn't find anything disagreeable or incorrect or anything. You aren't giving me any room for a critical review.
I really like this chapter. It shows the characters as not SO involved in themselves that they can't see past their own orbit. Ending in prayer as it does is just lovely.
This chapter shows some of the other characters as well rounded personalities. Pastor Markham, the family from the McDonalds, Crystal's parents...even her grandfather and aunt from a chapter or two ago.
You're keeping my interest up still. The plot and characters are lively and interesting. Great writing!
This is a very good story. I enjoyed the twists of age differences and physical disabilities which are very essential to the plot. At first thought, it would seem that such a dramatic disability would be overkill, but it is important to the story, but inconsequential in some ways, to the main character, Erick.
I think you've laid a good foundation with this chapter.
Blessings, Joyful
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/joyfulspirit
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.26 seconds at 4:22pm on Apr 16, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
