Interesting story. The premise reminds me of that Vonnegut story where ballet dancers had to dance with weights on their feet (I can't think what it's titled). The identities of the characters get somewhat cumbersome - maybe there is a way to stream-line them? Good social satire.
I love HTTYD and I think your piece caught Stoick's personality. Makes me wonder why Stoick wants to see Hiccup. A dragon sighting? Maybe Stoic wants to check on what Hiccup is working on? Or maybe he just wants Hiccup to eat at the Mead Hall so he can grow larger and be like other kids. Lotsa possibilities.
Very imaginative. I like the premise of someone making a living by being hired by private individuals to travel in time. Some of the style could be more polished though, and a little bit more of showing instead of telling. Perhaps include how some things felt, smelled, little details like that to bring it more to life. But I liked it.
Very useful article, and I like that you gave two detailed examples. A slight quibble, though, on the 'good' letter example. In real life a writer is not likely to have subscriptions to most magazines they inquire to or even to have been a reader for years, making the example less applicable than it might otherwise have been.
Loved your story, lots of amusing pieces to it. At the very end, though shouldn't the ship fly 'onto' not 'into' the exterior? I thought the 'glitterantium' and the strongerthenanythingum was especially creative. I hope you do more Star Trek spoofs - cheers!
This story really pulls you right in to the emotion felt by the protagonist. A little bit more attention on succinct sentences would make it snap more. Also 'would journey too' should be 'would journey to'. The ending makes the reader wonder what the Mr. Unstoppable Terror will do next!
Very powerful imagery in this story. I think that in the first paragraph if you deleted the phrase 'as it were', and in the 3rd paragraph if you deleted 'if you prefer' it would make the paragraphs stronger. Also the ending could be a little stronger - show how the experience has changed Ay besides physically. Just my two cents.
Fun read, and the goblin names are well thought out. However, there does need to be more attention to putting commas in. In quit a few places, some well placed commas would have made meaning clearer. Still an amusing piece and I look forward to further chapters.
Once upon a time there was a very old lady. She lived under a bridge, all alone except for her pet parrot named Squawky. Everyday, she would go fishing, and everything she caught she would divide evenly between Squawky and herself. One day a royal duke rode by and saw how well the old lady took care of her bird. Because of that, he got off his horse and approached the lady. "Madam," he said "I am in the market for someone to take care of my geese. Would you honor me by accepting the post?" The old lady was doubtful. She didn't want to leave her nice cozy shelter under the bridge. And besides Squawky might not get along with other birds. The duke begged and pleaded, and promised Squawky his own perch, but still she refused. Until finally, he offered to pay her. That did the trick, and she took the job. And they lived happily ever after.
Hi Doc. Love reading about dragons and your story is fun. Just a couple notes. When you say the dragon is blue I would like to know what shade - sky blue? Bluebell? butterfly-wing blue? Also be careful about repeating words. The word 'down' is in the 1st sentence twice for instance. This happens because when we use a word it's at the top of our mind and if we're not careful we use it again instead of varying our words. I do that myself. I just go thru and check for it. Keep writing, like your straightforward style.
I liked it overall - it made me want to know what was going to happen next. The only parts I didn't like was "a call on his death bed. Cool" 'cool' didn't fit coming right after deathbed. and the line about the 1972 Plymouth not being in good shape 'Duh'. The 'Duh' didn't fit. I've known some old Plymouths that were pretty nicely restored, so the 'duh' kind of rankled.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.26 seconds at 3:23am on Apr 23, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "