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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kenf
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Review by KenF
Rated: E | (2.5)
Interesting thoughts, though I found this part "because its moving massive distances, just so it can reach us" to be a confusing way of saying that Andromedea and the Milky Way are on a collision course and a long time from now will merge.

Don't say it like I wrote it either, but I think if you play with the phrasing, you'll get something a bit more clear yet just as poetic as "just so it can reach us"

As this is a short piece, you might play with framing it like a poem, or introducing a paragraph or two. It will be more easily read and spread it out some visually. As a single paragraph, it felt a bit dense (not as in dumb) to read.

I tried to give you a neutral scoring as this is my first review. Apologies if it skews your rating. If I can, I'll be happy to re-review it if you make any changes.
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